Stag dos...

[Slp86]

So I’m having a debate with DH about stag dos- thankfully his is well in the past!

However he was tasked with arranging stag dos for his friends and he went over board with arranging strippers- not just the standard club, but boats, airport transfers etc etc to include them! When I expressed my unhappiness over this - that I found it excessive and that a club is ‘acceptable’ to me, however trying to incorporate them in to every part of the trip seems obsessive and disrespectful to me and the other partners!

His reply is that it’s totally normal to have as many strippers as poss and that I’m deluded if I think stag do’s happen without strippers and that I’m unreasonable to basically have tried to get him to change the itintery to just include a club!

So help clear it up for me please! Am I a phsyco controlling bunny boiler or a woman who just doesn’t see the need for the men to have a stripper with them at every point of the day!? 🙈

How have we got to a point where women think it's ok for a man in a committed relationship to watch other women strip? Only if they are paying for it mind, if a young attractive woman came over to your dp in a bar, took off her clothes and rubbed herself all over him most women would go mental, but it's ok if he pays for it, weird! Aside from an ethical viewpoint, that these women could be coerced or even trafficked, why would anyone think it's ok that women are seen as entertainment in 2019? And men can be dominant and masculine without going to strippers, in many countries strip clubs are a relatively new phenomenon, somehow men managed to be men for millions of years without them.

1st prize award for the most intelligent comment so far .
Seriously are you all delusional or are you all getting your “ opinions” from the same crappy men hating book? It’s crazy !!

I enjoy a happy , relaxed and exciting relationship with my boyfriend who can go to strip clubs with his friends or watch a bit of porn if he so bloody wishes , for God sake it’s only harmful when allow it to be!
So after he gets your orders about what you think is acceptable or not acceptable, magically, the need to ogle good looking , naked women disappears, he is suddenly content just to stay in with you playing board games and talking about home deco. You have him all to yourself and he will never get bored because you are so interesting and proper. 👍 good luck

Right. First of all before I go any further. I’d like you to show me where I mentioned paying for sex, trafficking and prostitution.
I’m genuinely confused as to the rest I’ll leave it there

The cool girls have arrived

Finally 😄😄🤗🤗😄😄❤️❤️

If this was 1975 I would say well it’s a normal stag do! Does your DH know it is 2019 and has he ASKED the stag if this is what he wants as I doubt ANY other man would find this acceptable as a good weekend away.

You need to relax, you’re not being bunny boiler by voicing its a bit much, but you should let it go. You’re not planning it, it’s not your gig. There will be men who aren’t interested in the strippers and they will chat, drink and not generally engage with them much, but there will be men there who will really enjoy it. It doesn’t matter which type of man your DH is, you have to trust him. They’ll have fun, some will come back and say it was seedy but it’ll be ‘memorable’ and I’m guessing that’s what is important for your DH.

“a denial of our need to be totally dominated by a man”

Adrienne, quite a few of your posts on this site read as if you have some kind of “surrendered wife” fetish, or something along those lines. If that’s what floats your boat, fair enough, but how can you be in a surrendered / submissive relationship to a man who is not worthy of respect? It doesn’t work.

Have you ever been in a strip club? It’s nothing to write home about, I can tell you. The women are not all super- glam and body perfect - if they even remotely had a chance at modelling or similar, then this is what they’d be doing obviously. Basically, they’re no different to the average woman in Tesco. The men who are regulars in these places are regulars because something is lacking in their real life. If you can get the real thing, why would you need to pay for it?

If you’ve ever worked or spoken to girls who have been trafficked into the industry, you wouldn’t fetishise about being “dominated” by this kind of man. I can assure you of that. This is real life. As a pp said, all men enjoy sex and it’s natural to look at semi- naked women, of course. But real men have certain standards and they have more self-respect.

So many women sound like they've been conditioned into believing men and women are equals when it comes to sex; feminists destroyed what was the moral norm in relationships between men and women.

Men were expected in the past to protect, be chivalrous and respectful to women and women were expected to look for good, respectful and reponsible men. Of course there have always been men who abused women and this has always been a bad thing but women were traditionally taught how to choose an honorable man who could protect his family and make a good father to her kids.

Sexual relations were always meant to be within the confines of committed relationships i.e marriage. A majority of people lived up to these standards too. Of course it happened outside marriage but from as far back as the 1920's you usually found lots of 6-7 month babies as these couples usually married as soon as a pregnancy came about. The abuse of women was no more then than it is now.

They got rid of all the ideas about sex being about love and commitment and taught us how it's all just a bodily function you just do and that men & women are the same.

Newsflash - Men don't feel used if a woman just has sex with them. If you don't believe this you don't know men. It is in a man's nature to sleep with numerous sexual partners and they look for variety. Stripped down to bare nature they compete with each other for the most women.
It is a womans nature to seek the best, strongest, and fittest partner with the best genes for her children, she doesn't seek the same variety as men do hence when a man just uses her for sex she can often just feel used.

I'm sure nobodies husband would lie to them on here;
My husband and I usually do the entertaining as we've got plenty of room and I know if they've all been away for a weekend firstly they know they can say what they want but if there's been anything like strippers then probably about 40% of the guys will be like "mind, not a word to our Mrs about that she'd go berserk!" or "look, I've told her I didn't go in so that's the story". They're all good lads and I wouldn't be happy covering for them if they were cheating but I'm always just grateful DH and I are so open and honest with each other. Now I definitely know the reason they keep shtump as I'd always been telling them "ah she wouldn't mind", but maybe I was wrong if they're anything like the sticks on here.

I think it may be more of an issue to me if I didn't have the level of self-confidence I have. I tend to overlook that but shouldn't as I do understand the effect it can have. I got obsessed getting back into shape after both DC. I don't know if I do it for him or me. I like him to know he's still got the best. He was a virgin as was I till we were married. That's actually a badge of honor to both of us even though I'm under no illusion of how its almost thought of as being a bad thing nowadays. I do have mates who have let themselves go but even they wouldn't have an issue with strippers as the trust's there.

nomorekale

You actually find most of the girls in the better known clubs such as FYEO and PR are all pretty much stunners and mostly do it out of choice and paid well for it.

he is suddenly content just to stay in with you playing board games and talking about home deco.

All those controlling women, forcing their partners to play Scrabble and talk interior design...!! You do know that some men are actually interested in things other than naked women's bodies! God, sometimes I'm so bloody grateful for my DH who actually thinks women are people!
There's nothing 'natural' about engaging in the exploitation of vulnerable women and any man that values getting his end away over the safety and dignity of said women is basically just a bad person (to be polite.)

women were traditionally taught how to choose an honorable man who could protect his family and make a good father to her kids.

With the greatest respect adrienne you're talking an awful lot of confused bull on here!

Adrienne - er no, I don’t think men and women are the same. But this doesn’t mean I would settle or pander to a man who frequented strip clubs on a regular basis. I wouldn’t respect him - simple as that. It has nothing to do with the era we’re in, nothing to do with feminism or a lack of it. I have plenty of body confidence thanks, despite the fact I’m an ex ballerina and spent my life around women with eating disorders. I still dance in my 40s and after DC and I feel good about my body, otherwise I’d do something about it. I just prefer a man with integrity and it’s as simple as that.

How have we got to a point where women think it's ok for a man in a committed relationship to watch other women strip? Only if they are paying for it mind, if a young attractive woman came over to your dp in a bar, took off her clothes and rubbed herself all over him most women would go mental, but it's ok if he pays for it,

^ this

Just read this to my husband, who says his night out in Brighton which involved no strippers but did involve him being peer pressured into drinking green Aftershock look “really tame”.

If that was my husband I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as him. Gross attitude.

Also Adrienne, can you not see how you contradict yourself in your posts? On the one hand, you blame feminism for encouraging women to view sex as non- emotional, “like men.” You say they should stop being promiscuous and instead seek an “honourable man, to protect the family and make a good father to her kids.” Well, I don’t disagree with you this far.

But how does this square with your insinuation that men have some kind of biological need or right to frequent strip clubs?

You do realise that the saddos in strip clubs, “lads” as you call them (how old are you)? are not the “honourable men to protect the family and make a good father.” In fact, these are the men most women wouldn’t touch with a bargepole. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.

And if all women were super-virtuous, there would be no strip clubs or porn because presumably all women would all shun any establishments that promote promiscuity in favour of staying at home with their honourable husbands . Possibly playing scrabble even? You can’t have it both ways.

Seriously are you all delusional or are you all getting your “ opinions” from the same crappy men hating book? It’s crazy !!

No, I just have a lot of self worth and equally high expectations of the people I choose to have around me, including my husband.

My husband makes his own choices, however, when we started dating I looked for a boyfriend who was nice, respectful and who shared my values. Therefore he doesn’t tend to need to use the excuse ‘I’m sleazy because I’m a man, so it’s my right’.
The only time he does this is when he fluffs really loud, or eats all the snacks in the kitchen.

I think what is sad, is that there are women out there forced to accept this sort of behaviour from their partners. Who don’t realise or believe that there are respectful and decent men out there, who chose to be this way and who aren’t being forced to stay home.

Oh and DH and I are certainly not at home playing scrabble...😉😉

adrienne can we not rise above our 'nature'? Are we not trying to shape society to be respectful to each other?

You speak as if you are an authority on this subject.

Badge of honour? Jolly well done.

Urgh. I think you have a husband issue.

My husband has been to so many stag dos. About 3 a year for the last 5 years in lots of places. And my husbands friends are what you might call 'lad's lads'.
None of them involved strippers to the extent you are talking about OP.
A few have involved going into a strip club at some point. But on those occasions a lot of the group would opt to go to another pub as it's just not their thing.
Sounds far too excessive and is your husband sure the stag is going to be comfortable with it? A lot of my husbands friends would hate it!

I think what is sad, is that there are women out there forced to accept this sort of behaviour from their partners. Who don’t realise or believe that there are respectful and decent men out there, who chose to be this way and who aren’t being forced to stay home.

Agreed! My DH was quite upset when he found out (on his stag do) that the club they were walking to was a strip club, as he had asked several times for one not to be booked. He went to a pub whilst his mates went in (they'd paid for it so he wasn't going to ask them not to) and called me to see how I was.

I was not there and I hadn't contacted him whilst he was on his stag do, so this was entirely his choice. He thinks it is sad that blokes pay money to watch other girls get their kit off, when they have wives or girlfriends at home. That is his genuine opinion. He finds it sleazy and therefore it isn't to his taste.
Personally I know if you said to my DH, do you want a heavy night out with strippers or a games night in with a cup of tea...hands down, he'd pick the cup of tea every time. It's just how he is as a person.
I'd never try and change a bloke, I just so happened to marry one with similar values to my own - funny that.

Sadly a lot of other men won't acccept this sort of thing though and will end up trying to peer pressure their mates.

@adrienneJ I think you sound totally conditioned, I would worry that you are in an abusive relationship where your partner ensures that you go along with his male "needs". He's conditioned you to think this is normal and males need and expect this type of behaviour. You seem to have gone along with this, to look like you're actually in control of your own marriage smile and says it's great, the men can bond (not sure how they bond over strippers, it sounds quite disturbing to be sharing sexual arousal with another male, assuming they are heterosexual).

But let's look at biology (which has been around since forever), when a woman ovulates, the natural urge is to want to conceive, biologically she will want sex more than at other times of the month. So to meet her needs, if her partner is not "available" does that mean she should seek out another partner ..... no because society says this doesn't happen.

Men do not need to be "amused and aroused" by another naked woman, but society because of some men and some women is being conditioned to say "yes that's fine".

I find your posts extremely disturbing, it's like you believe that sexually you are not sufficient for your husband and that he has the right to honour another naked woman.

As for badge of honour you were virgins at marriage, not badge of honour but a foolhardy and risky business.

This is made up. On the off chance it isn’t, op, your husband needs psychiatric treatment.
And just WTF is wrong with scrabble??