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Original poster

Stag dos...

159 replies

Slp86 · 22/02/2019 09:31

So I’m having a debate with DH about stag dos- thankfully his is well in the past!

However he was tasked with arranging stag dos for his friends and he went over board with arranging strippers- not just the standard club, but boats, airport transfers etc etc to include them! When I expressed my unhappiness over this - that I found it excessive and that a club is ‘acceptable’ to me, however trying to incorporate them in to every part of the trip seems obsessive and disrespectful to me and the other partners!

His reply is that it’s totally normal to have as many strippers as poss and that I’m deluded if I think stag do’s happen without strippers and that I’m unreasonable to basically have tried to get him to change the itintery to just include a club!

So help clear it up for me please! Am I a phsyco controlling bunny boiler or a woman who just doesn’t see the need for the men to have a stripper with them at every point of the day!? 🙈

OP posts:
adrienneJ · 22/02/2019 17:51

Margotshypotheticaldog

I do believe the behaviour of women incentivises bad behaviour in men. I think the new feminist movement which encourages women to go out and have several sexual partners and that sex can just be a non-emotional transaction like taking a shit is to blame for the way women are increasingly being treated badly by men.

Women are not like men in that they find it difficult to engage in sex which is devoid of emotion, something men don't find difficult at all.

If a group good looking girls were taken into a college class and the boys were told that a girl was going to take each boy to use them for sex for a week, how many of those boys do you think would suffer psychologically damaging effects after?

By pretending we are the same and that we can also not get an attachment gives men the false idea that its ok to use women for sex. Whats the harm? If there's no feelings involved then "I can just use them as playthings" men think "thats what they do to us". And so by going and sleeping with several men has the wider effect on male thinking that men dont need to be in a loving and commited relationship to enjoy sexual encounters or get sexual gratification from a woman, and that they can just get it as and when they please. So yes I do think we have a lot to answer for our behaviour and I do think that is to blame for much of the bad male behaviour that is now considered normal.

OfficeSlave · 22/02/2019 18:15

If your husband has truly in any way made you feel like you are a psycho bunny boiler to feel this way about what he is organising, then I hate to say this but you have a serious problem with your husband.

It is actually completely grotesque. In my younger years i used to think strippers and strip clubs was no big deal, then i grew up and learned how to respect myself and now I would not tolerate any strip club visit or any other bollocks.

I am not insecure. But thats what some men will say oh don't be so insecure.

It IS however about a neandertal type sense of grotesque entitlement, that makes men think this is ok. These women are meat. They see it as nothing and no big deal because they view women as nothing. Even if they think they don't, not too deep down somewhere in theirbrains, they do. Its bullshit that men 'can't help it' its all learned, social bullshit.

If i found out my partner was the driving force in organising something like that, I'm afraid that would be it for me.

Closetbeanmuncher · 22/02/2019 18:39

Funny enough neanderthal was also the word that popped into my mind @anyfucker However I think we may be looking at something here that predates opposable thumbs

😂😂

Crystalintheeyes · 22/02/2019 18:39

He’s being ridiculous.

I have no problem with visiting a strip club but on the transfer is plain vile and so over the top.

You are not a bunny boiler.

Stuckandsad · 22/02/2019 18:55

They're hookers

Stuckandsad · 22/02/2019 18:57

If you're in doubt OP then ask for the contact details of the company. Call them up and ask what 'upgrades' are available

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 18:57

"I can just use them as playthings" men think "thats what they do to us"

Adrienne - men have been happy using women as play things and sex objects since time immemorial, if didn't take women having casual sex for that to happen.

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/02/2019 19:13

Sorry OP but I think your DH is vile. His behaviour and his attitude to it would be a dealbreaker for me. And yes, I would feel just as strongly if the roles were reversed and it was a hen weekend with 'constant' male strippers.

hometownglory · 22/02/2019 19:40

Adrienne- you sound like an MRA. Have you ever considered that men are responsible for their behaviour rather than having to use women's behaviour as an excuse?

nomorekale · 22/02/2019 19:45

Morality - yes I do agree that men have viewed / used women as “playthings” since time immemorial, however, I do have a problem when women profess to do stripping or prostitution as a positive choice. This notion of the “happy hooker / stripper” panders to men’s sense of entitlement and lack of integrity. Put it this way, if all women took a stand and refused to take part in porn as a principle, then the only stuff available would be trafficked women and clearly illegal. Same with prostitution and stripping - if women refused to do it by choice, then engaging in it would be tantamount to exploiting human slavery.

I simply don’t believe women who claim to love stripping for a load of dickheads. Even if it fulfills some exhibitionist streak, are you telling me that if they had half a talent in some other kind of dance, singing or whatever, they wouldn’t rather be doing that? What they are doing is pandering and enabling male entitlement and that alone, would be reason enough for me not to do it. Also I would hate to think how many marriages or relationships I had helped to ruin - even though it’s the tosser’s fault for paying me, I still would have facilitated it. I would also not reinforce an industry, the underbelly of which is modern day slavery for millions of women worldwide. Not a great way to live your life.

nomorekale · 22/02/2019 19:49

Part of the reason there are so few strip clubs for women is that men just wouldn’t do the stripping. They would feel ridiculous. If women took this attitude, the option wouldn’t be there for men either.

DBML · 22/02/2019 20:34

Op, your husband is trying to be ‘the man’ arranging this stag based heavily around strippers. It’s actually sad that he doesn’t think he and his mates could have a great time without that.
No, strippers are not ‘normal’ at a stag do. My husband had a meal at the local Indian, followed by a few pints in the local pubs. He and his friends (and my family) had a great laugh and he enjoyed his night without having to see a pair of boobs in his face every five minutes.
He could have gone to a strip club in the city if he’d wanted, it was certainly what his brother suggested, but I overheard DH calling it a ‘waste of money’ and ‘to be honest I’m not interested really’.
Later in our marriage DH went out for his relatives stag do and all of them headed to the strip club. I was stunned when DH walked through the front door before 11pm, having chosen to leave the group and head home instead. Again he said he wasn’t paying the money to watch a bunch of women take their clothes off...perhaps he’s just cheap, but I appreciated the gesture.
I think your husband is talking through his bum saying a stag party has to have a stripper with them constantly. He’s clearly on another planet. It makes him look like a sleaze and I’d feel sorry for you too, watching on as an outsider.
Perhaps you ought to show him this thread. At the end of the day he’ll do what he wants to and you won’t be able to stop him, but I’m not sure I would want to stay with a bloke who behaved like this.
Do these men realise that when the stripper looks at them, all she’s thinking is ‘think of the money Deb, just think of your happy place and the money’
Ugh.

AnyFucker · 22/02/2019 20:43

Where have you gone, op ?

Patroclus · 22/02/2019 20:50

Apart from disrespectful and all that, its also extremely lame.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 21:05

@nomorekale

I was only responding to Adrienne's opinion that if women didn't have casual sex men wouldn't view them as playthings. I thought it was a ridiculous opinion, I think some men view women like full stop and it's always been the case,bits not due to feminism, as Adrienne appeared to be claiming.

As for gigantic whole stripper, porn actress, prostitute free debate/issue - that's something we could debate all day, but I agree that probably the majority of women who work in the sex industry do not enjoy it at any level.
As to solutions .... Confused

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 21:12

Part of the reason there are so few strip clubs for women is that men just wouldn’t do the stripping. They would feel ridiculous. If women took this attitude, the option wouldn’t be there for men either.

There are men who strip and I reckon there'd be plenty more if there was the demand, I don't think it's male objection to stripping that results in the lower no of male strippers and lack of male strip clubs, its lower demand - which is due to ...? culture, socialisation, difference in sexuality, I don't know.

I know I found it effing frustrating and irritating when I was trying to find one to wreak revenge on my partner and his mates - pathetic, but I still enjoyed it and got a visceral satisfaction out of doing to men what some of them do to us.

stopitandtidyupp · 22/02/2019 21:12

If a group good looking girls were taken into a college class and the boys were told that a girl was going to take each boy to use them for sex for a week, how many of those boys do you think would suffer psychologically damaging effects after?

You know I think they would. They could have a whole host of issues with this. Size, can they get it up and even the being used and belittled as would woman.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 21:15

@DBML

I think I'm a little bit in love with your husband Wink.

The part about maybe he's just cheap hot me laughing though.

Movingtoplanetclanger · 22/02/2019 21:42

adrienneJ is having a lot of fun with 'her' opinions tonight.

Cremeeggsareforever · 22/02/2019 21:43

No you are not being a bunny boiler.
I hate strip clubs on stag dos personally and my DH knew this. He refused to go to a strip club on his stag do because of it, even though they booked one because they thought he would like to go in 'because I'd never find out'. Slightly horrifying that the rest of them spent hundreds on private dances whilst my DH was on the phonr to me ranting about what was happening on his own stag do.

Man can and should respect the fact they have a partner and IMO don't need to pay money to see somebody else's bits.

DoNotWorry · 22/02/2019 21:48

If a woman is going to be with them constantly, right from the airport transfers onwards, doesn't that make her an escort rather than a stripper?
No it makes her a prostitute.

DoNotWorry · 22/02/2019 21:49

Man can and should respect the fact they have a partner and IMO don't need to pay money to see somebody else's bits.
^^This!

Awrite · 22/02/2019 21:58

My dh has been to a few stag dos. He says that whenever a strip club is arranged, there's always a few if them who go to a nearby pub instead.

It seems it is possible to resist peer pressure.

Oh, and he was like this before I met him. Our views on the exploitation of women are aligned. I couldn't marry someone who goes to strip clubs, let alone a monster like your husband.

adrienneJ · 22/02/2019 23:33

I say they can look where ever they want to see whats on the menu as long as they dine at home.

And people have hit the nail on the head it is instinct in that men are more visual than women in that they get turned on by whats in front of them. Who are we to say how they should enjoy themselves. I do think its being a complete bunny boiler to stick an orr in their night out. Never heard anyone complain about womens hen night with rubber cocks tied and dangling off the hen.

So many women complain about mens masculine needs/wants and say they shouldn't get turned on at strip clubs. They're just being men! Also I hear so many women complain about things that turn men on and about masculinity in general and totally forget about the primal feelings we have as women.

I think part of the reason we complain about it is in in part a denial of our need to be totally dominated by a man, kind of a reverse psychology type thing. You don't hear men complaining about that.

Newerversion · 23/02/2019 00:02

Because of course joke rubber cocks are exactly the same thing as paying real women to get naked and grind on you.
Adrienne, with all due respect most of what you say is a crock of shite which you have been conditioned to believe. You seem to believe that men are in some way unable to control themselves. Bollocks. Some men just choose to act like they can’t.