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Original poster

Stag dos...

159 replies

Slp86 · 22/02/2019 09:31

So I’m having a debate with DH about stag dos- thankfully his is well in the past!

However he was tasked with arranging stag dos for his friends and he went over board with arranging strippers- not just the standard club, but boats, airport transfers etc etc to include them! When I expressed my unhappiness over this - that I found it excessive and that a club is ‘acceptable’ to me, however trying to incorporate them in to every part of the trip seems obsessive and disrespectful to me and the other partners!

His reply is that it’s totally normal to have as many strippers as poss and that I’m deluded if I think stag do’s happen without strippers and that I’m unreasonable to basically have tried to get him to change the itintery to just include a club!

So help clear it up for me please! Am I a phsyco controlling bunny boiler or a woman who just doesn’t see the need for the men to have a stripper with them at every point of the day!? 🙈

OP posts:
youknowmedontyou · 22/02/2019 11:26

It is normal. Sorry but it is really, really common.
My BIL is a sales manager for a well know stag and hen company and he talks about this quite a lot.
They are not prostitutes. They are strippers. Often topless waitresses as well or topless entertainers on party buses etc.
I don't agree with it but its the same as having a private stripper at someone's house for example.

It's common in the industry that your BIL works in, a small minority of the population access this type of company. Therefore it is not popular across the whole population.

It also cannot be described as NORMAL! It's not!

toach · 22/02/2019 11:28

Is this sort of thing available for hen trips? A couple of naked men accompanying the women at all times. I presume it must be. Confused

crappyday2018 · 22/02/2019 11:31

Things like this make me so glad I'm single.

nomorekale · 22/02/2019 11:42

Personally, I think some of these agencies should be banned. I heard there are agencies now where you can organise for the stag to be handcuffed to a person who has dwarfism in lingerie for the duration of the weekend. What is the mentality of these people?

hardyloveit · 22/02/2019 12:05

Il probably get slatted but I agree with bianca it's more common now to have strippers for the whole thing than you probably realise.
I don't care about strippers - dh went to a club on his (few friends lied to their partners that they didn't go in when they did)
If that was available for my hen do I'd have probs wanted a near naked man with me all day to haha!

However on a serious note having strippers for the entire time would be a bit much but you can't call them escorts as you don't know if they are or not

Mum2boys1girl · 22/02/2019 12:24

He definitely gone over board with this. He hasn't thought about your feelings or any of his friends other half's.
I'm a against strippers but luckily for me my partner doesn't want strippers at his either as he finds it disrespectful towards me. So where doing a joint stag and hen and going paintballing lol

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 12:30

A strip club trip would be bad enough for me, this is beyond ...

Sounds like stag do company's/sales trying to think of ways to make even more money and people like him happily embracing it cause they're (?) sleazy, extreme, excessive, vulgar, hedonistic,no don't know.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 12:32

Of course, like all men like this, he'd be perfectly ok with you going on a gen donor trip that has make strippers in the limo, on the boat,bin the hotel etc - as well as a club (which of course they can walk into while we can't and they have private booths and rooms, while make strip shows do not).

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 22/02/2019 12:45

His reply is that it’s totally normal to have as many strippers as pos

Nice.

There are regular posts on here by women who found out much later that their DP/DH have been to strip clubs/been to stags with strippers/had strippers on their own stag/been to lap dancing clubs on their own stags when they had been assured repeatedly by their DP/DH this wouldn't happen or they wouldn't go.

Men do lie about this kind of thing frequently. They see it as a "white lie" because they know the reaction it will get.

No one here can really make any comment as to whether it's normal or not. Plus normal (in the sense of normal for the social group in question) will vary widely according to average income, social class and what is expected in that social grouping.

Bottom line: drunk men using strippers or sex workers for entertainment is nasty. "As many as possible" is even more nasty.

Chance of this being stopped for a stag if its what the men want to do: less than zero. They may say they aren't doing it, but if they want to , they will just lie and lie some more.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 12:55

Also worth saying that if this is eastern Europe or canaries, chances of it crossing over to prostitution is (even) higher than UK.

I don't tolerate this shite at any level.
Following a stag do on which my partner said he'd been into a club and had a 'table' dance included with the price of admission, I came to an agreement with him that if it was in the cards he'd either give that stag do a miss (there are often two stag dos here, home and away; there are currently no strip clubs in our region of the UK) or he'd sit it out if he went and it was happening. Given the pressure not to sit it out and the likelihood of having anyone else to sit it out with, not going on the trip away seemed easier in some cases.

I also helped him appreciate how such activities make your partner feel by finding pretty much the only make strip/lap dancing club in the uk that time (Lap Attack at Caesars in Streatham, London) and having several 'dances'. (I think there may have been one other in Nottingham back then). It's amazing how it concentrates a man's mind on how if feels to be on the receiving end.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/02/2019 12:56

*Male strip/lap dancing club

Biancadelrioisback · 22/02/2019 13:03

Personally, I think some of these agencies should be banned. I heard there are agencies now where you can organise for the stag to be handcuffed to a person who has dwarfism in lingerie for the duration of the weekend. What is the mentality of these people?

The agencies dont manage the activities, they just sell them. Everything they do is above board and has been thoroughly vetted etc so is all legal. They have been approached by suppliers with illegal things before and have refused to do business with them. The agency are essentially travel agents.
And yes the dwarf thing is correct. I've seen it myself in my city centre on quite a few occasions.

Biancadelrioisback · 22/02/2019 13:14

*It's common in the industry that your BIL works in, a small minority of the population access this type of company. Therefore it is not popular across the whole population.

It also cannot be described as NORMAL! It's not!*

It's common because they have an uptake of over half of the groups hire strippers outside of strip clubs. The agency is very successful and deals with vast quantities of bookings from people within the UK all year round. It is normal, as not unusual, for a stag (and hen) group to hire a stripper out of the club. While yes not everyone in the UK uses stag and hen agencies, many, many do. You can't categorically say that it is only a small minority, otherwise there wouldn't be so many of different companies offering these services. Their clients are out there living among us and many are married or soon to be. So while it may not be common where you are, or that you know of, that doesn't make it uncommon.

One thing my BIL has told me is that an awful lot of organisers ask for headline prices on the bill rather than itemised often stating "don't want the mrs to see". Alternatively they ask for the activity title to be changed from "stripper" to "entertainer".

Margotshypotheticaldog · 22/02/2019 14:27

The normalising and objectification of women for sale is alarming. Normalised by men and women. It's really depressing. Do the men tell themselves the girls like the work? Or they're just doing it to pay for law school or some other nonsense? And to the women who thinks it's normal, what is your opinion of women and girls in the sex trade?

Margotshypotheticaldog · 22/02/2019 14:31

Anyway, regardless op, your oh sounds like a total arsehole. And all men are not arseholes. Don't let him convince you of that just so you will accept his disgusting behaviour

Biancadelrioisback · 22/02/2019 15:32

what's your opinion of girls and women in the sex trade

Well girls can't legally be in the sex trade so obviously I don't agree with that. I don't agree with women who are forced or coerced into the sex trade. However if a woman has made the decision to be a stripper of her own free will and enjoys what she does, I have no problem with that.

girlwithadragontattoo · 22/02/2019 15:41

How does the stripper strip in a limo?

A club, fine, but every part of the holiday Hmm

youknowmedontyou · 22/02/2019 15:41

@Biancadelrioisback how does your brother in law ensure that the girls being hired are not coerced or forced into the sex trade? What checks does he have in place?

adrienneJ · 22/02/2019 15:52

This is great! good old male bonding. Not your place to interfere, why on earth would you be bothered, unless there's a trust issue in which case it may be a concern. I'd get behind it, as long as they're going to have a laugh.

adrienneJ · 22/02/2019 16:00

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Biancadelrioisback · 22/02/2019 16:11

Youknow he personally doesn't do this, the company he works for do. As I don't work there I don't know what checks are in place but I do know that every supplier they work with a thoroughly checked prior to being signed up and regularly vetted throughout

youknowmedontyou · 22/02/2019 16:20

@Biancadelrioisback you knew so much of the detail and facts I thought you would know that. It would be the thing I would ask first and be most interested in.

As you say if a woman is genuinely happy to be a stripper/escort that's fine. I couldn't be involved in a company that wasn't ensuring 100% that a woman wasn't being coerced.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 22/02/2019 16:58

Adrienne, you can't hold women responsible for how men behave though. Seriously. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You can't!

Margotshypotheticaldog · 22/02/2019 16:59

Apologies Adrienne if you were being ironic to make a point....

Littleraindrop15 · 22/02/2019 17:08

Urm I would speak with the rest of the girlfriends and wives about this and bride to be. I think they will put an end to his obsession of strippers

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