Accidentally came across my DP's Will. AIBU by what I saw?

[LaDiDa33]

My BIL committed suicide last year leaving everything to his ex-gf who ignored all his cries for help. I was there as my DP and his family mourned and I was nothing but supportive. We've been married 10 years in September but we've had our ups and downs. We've not shared a bank account or expenses because he's always felt that I'm taken care of. My parents are well off and they allowed us to live in one of their houses rent free for the last 10 years and have been helpful financially towards me. This has caused my DP to be funny about keeping all our finances separate. This has always been something that's bothered me, and he keeps saying we'll start a joint bank account soon. The other day I was on his computer with pure intentions, I wasn't snooping but accidentally came across a file with my name and our two sons on it. I looked at it and found it was a recent will, dated December 18 (we were together all that period). Cutting to the chase I discovered my DP had totally disinherited me leaving everything to our sons and giving all control to his sister should he die before our sons are 18. Money isn't my concern at all, it's the concept that my husband decided to do this without so much as a conversation. He lied and told me he was renewing his I.D. whilst actually meeting with his lawyers. I feel really upset over this, like I'm being actively distrusted and being compared to my brother in law's ex. AIBU to feel that this is an irreversible slap in the face? I expressed my feelings to him (because I couldn't hold it in any longer) and he simply said I'm financially set and he wants to secure our sons' futures. The fact that his sister would have control/say in our sons' lives after his passing pisses me off. Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated! I'm confused and hurt.

He has his own bank acct though, not joint so there will be assets in there. Also, through his work he may have named the children as next of kin for any death in service benefit. You only rent, so no owned property there.

That he should want to leave what he is entitled to to your DC rather than you, given you are comfortable financially, doesn’t seem horrendous, in some ways it’s good as it leaves your DC less vulnerable should you also die. The fact he hasn’t talked to you about it is pretty horrendous, though. Both the choosing a trustee for his DC’s money without your input and the leaving you to find out about it after his death are acts that show a lack of trust and concern for you and his DC.

Your lack of a will is also an issue, though. It’s not as actively bad as your DH’s, but it shows a lack of concern for your family should you pass away.

You should sit down together, possibly with a lawyer, and talk about what would be sensible for you as a family and covering all foreseeable eventualities. Then you should probably consider getting some marriage counselling.

Yes OP draw up your own will - all to the boys.

You don’t want the equivelant scenario of him spending all your money or him remarrying upon your death and the new wife inheriting what should be for your boys.

I agree about the future remarrying part. It's why I changed my will. As I was planning a divorce!

A classic example of the saying 'No good deed goes unpunished'. My parents gave us a place to stay and help, no strings attached- as we got married at 24. I have no will of any form in place and never actually thought of having one, till now, so I don't know how I've been protecting myself at all actually.

I would be fuming at this - sneaky and duplicitous as well as hurtful. Married for 10 years and this is how he treats you! Disgraceful! He needs to understand this.

I’m currently looking into getting a will sorted. I want my dds to inherit my share as basically I don’t trust my dh to do something stupid like remarry. Though, he’d have control over the trust.
Not nice of your dh, and he should have discussed it with you and not lied.

I'm curious as to what these assets are he's thinking about m

The house you live in is owned by your parents, isn't it? & they financially support you as well. So what assets does he have then? You sound to have more than him.

I'd be digging into his paperwork (if his sister isn't keeping it for him) to find out what's going on.

I wouldn't stay married to a sneak like him either.

I hope the house is still in your parents' name. Let him go live in a shed with his sister if he likes

It sounds as though he has some issues and resentments around both you and money. Has he tried to be financially controlling with you, that was thwarted by your parents helping you? Or have you had more income than him because of your parents input? It sounds like there's a lot more to the story.

Draw up your own will, but it may be worth having a discussion and deciding whether you want to continue the marriage at all.

You say you’re married? I don’t think he can disinherit you

We have testamentary freedom in the UK - so, yes, you can leave your estate to whoever you want (in contrast with other jurisdictions). Dependants, however, may be able to submit a claim in some circumstances

I think some of you are getting jumbled up here. The will states what will go to his dc in the event of his death, not a divorce.

A pp has raised an interesting point. That he can't actually bequeath it, as it would all automatically be yours OP in the event of his death.

There's 2 major things wrong imo-

1- he made a big family decision without discussing it with you which shows his lack of respect to you as an equal partner and trust in you generally. It feels like his siblings are more family than you.

2- his attempt to manipulate you. Your feelings are yours alone and he has no right to tell you how to feel about his the implications of his actions. He doesn't value you or care how you feel. Very sad.

Your parents may not be so keen to give him a free ride when he treats you like this.

But slipperywhensparticus, how was your uncle's wife not automatically left all the assets. You can't disinherit your spouse as your spouse 'owns' everything with you. The assets are marital assets. They are owned by both spouses. Their house would be their marital home and the wife would have equal rights to it. Same with their savings. Regardless of whose name is on the account, the law will see everything as being owned 50:50 unless there is some valid reason for it not to be that way (like one spouse brought much more to the marriage and the marriage was very short) so your uncle couldn't leave all the savings other than a small maintenece to the dc.

This is different to some countries like Spain where everything is deemed to be 50:50 but when one spouse dies,
50% automatically belongs to the surviving spouse
Of the other 50%....
33.3% is divided between surviving children in equal shares.
33.3% is reserved for surviving children but can be distributed equally or unequally according to instructions in a will. The surviving spouse retains a ‘life interest’ (usufruct) in this part of the estate and the children do not inherit until the spouse dies.
33.3%can be disposed of freely in a will.
If there are no children, then surviving parents are entitled to 1/3 of that 50% if there is a surviving spouse, or 50% if not.

But we are not in Spain. When you die here, everything belongs to the surviving spouse

You can challenge a will under the Inheritance Act, which will look at whether there's adequate provision for a dependent, but I think that's fairly costly. I suppose it depends how much he has saved up, as they live rent-free and the OP says her parents have helped her financially during their marriage.

There is a good case for ring-fencing inheritance to your children - look at what happened with Linda Bellingham. But the lack of discussion would upset me, if it were my husband.

I'm sorry for any confusion. There's no mention/concern here over custody at all. My DH left financial/executry powers to my SIL whilst cutting me out completely. We are married, have been for 10 years. In the U.K.

I'm not sure I could go back from this OP. There is very obviously a lack of trust here or maybe he is bitter and twisted about the fact that you don't need him, at least not in a monetary way.

Also whilst not a nice thought you are likely to receive a significant inheritance if the wrist were to happen to your parents. You will need a will to ensure this goes to your children rather than your husband.

Is your husbands mental health ok? A bit random but it has occurred to me to wonder if he is considering the same action as his brother (sorry but just a thought)

I plan to do similar to your husband, the difference is I have talked to my partner about it. I want my house to go to my son, not to his other children past or future, or any future wives. However I would be very suspicious of how your husband has gone about it!

watsmyname, the same thought occurred to me.

I have no idea she does still live in the house but all the cash and investment went to the kids apart from the one small bit it was all his prior to the marriage he came from a rich family

What assets does he have? Am I right you live in your parents property rent free? He won't have a stake in that so you need to write a similar will, excluding him from your parents money (assuming they die before you) or divorce him now and secure your own future.

The sneakiness here would cause a serious rift in my marriage.

I would be very unhappy if my DH did this. We discussed our wills and went to the solicitors together to make them
Like you I would feel that he distrusted me.
I'm not quite clear about the house you live in. Did your parents give it to you or do you just live rent free ? If the latter will you definitely inherit the house.?
I would feel that he had behaved very sneakily.

So how is money sorted at the moment, OP? Do you have a joint bank account and separate ones, too? Do you have any idea how much he has in his, and vice versa?

When you have benefited from financial gifts from your parents, has he directly benefited, too?