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Original poster

Accidentally came across my DP's Will. AIBU by what I saw?

301 replies

LaDiDa33 · 17/02/2019 19:27

My BIL committed suicide last year leaving everything to his ex-gf who ignored all his cries for help. I was there as my DP and his family mourned and I was nothing but supportive. We've been married 10 years in September but we've had our ups and downs. We've not shared a bank account or expenses because he's always felt that I'm taken care of. My parents are well off and they allowed us to live in one of their houses rent free for the last 10 years and have been helpful financially towards me. This has caused my DP to be funny about keeping all our finances separate. This has always been something that's bothered me, and he keeps saying we'll start a joint bank account soon. The other day I was on his computer with pure intentions, I wasn't snooping but accidentally came across a file with my name and our two sons on it. I looked at it and found it was a recent will, dated December 18 (we were together all that period). Cutting to the chase I discovered my DP had totally disinherited me leaving everything to our sons and giving all control to his sister should he die before our sons are 18. Money isn't my concern at all, it's the concept that my husband decided to do this without so much as a conversation. He lied and told me he was renewing his I.D. whilst actually meeting with his lawyers. I feel really upset over this, like I'm being actively distrusted and being compared to my brother in law's ex. AIBU to feel that this is an irreversible slap in the face? I expressed my feelings to him (because I couldn't hold it in any longer) and he simply said I'm financially set and he wants to secure our sons' futures. The fact that his sister would have control/say in our sons' lives after his passing pisses me off. Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated! I'm confused and hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDiDa33 · 17/02/2019 19:48

He got defensive saying it didn't concern me. I'm not passive, I'm shocked. I feel this is divorce-worthy and I'm looking for a general consensus that I'm not being over-sensitive...

OP posts:
percheron67 · 17/02/2019 19:49

I think he sounds deceitful and disloyal. \please protect yourself and your children. In your case, I would make sure he didn't get a penny from me. My late husband pulled a fast one and I didn't find out until it was too late. Good luck.

PuppyMonkey · 17/02/2019 19:49

But his money is OP’s money if they’re married.Confused

DpWm · 17/02/2019 19:49

I'd totally understand the situation of having his sister take care of your children in the even of both of you passing, but for him to specify his sister take care of his children if he passed, but you, their mum were still alive, beggars belief.
What a slap in the face.

Does he have reason to believe you are financially irresponsible and untrustworthy with money? That's the only logical explanation, that he thinks that about you.

hellenbackagen · 17/02/2019 19:50

I would feel the same op.

I'd be making my own will. And then seeking some advice legally about the next steps.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 17/02/2019 19:51

I would have an issue with the principle of it and the fact he lied about why he was seeing a solicitor.

Does your husband actually have money and possessions to leave? Presumably his death would make no difference to your living situation; it would purely be cash that is left to his sons and controlled by his sister?

DpWm · 17/02/2019 19:51

But his money is OP’s money if they’re married

He can leave everything of his to his next door neighbour if he wants. Married or not.

TearingUpMyHeart · 17/02/2019 19:51

I would be very suspicious he is planning a divorce. Check your own finances - before you inherit from your parents and have to share it 50:50 with your husband.

I changed my will in a similar way when I was planning to leave my husband within the next year or so

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/02/2019 19:52

You’re not over-reacting and I would feel it was divorce-worthy too.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/02/2019 19:52

Let him fuck off and find a house of his own to live in - he’ll get a bit of a shock having to pay his own mortgage, won’t he?

beansontoastfortea · 17/02/2019 19:52

If that was me it would be a total deal breaker... you should be a unit, a team and he's very wrong... this does concern you and I the lack of trust is astonishing from a husband of 10 years.. You must be considerably hurt

NannyRed · 17/02/2019 19:53

I’d be having words with him. It seems very disrespectful to leave you out of his will when you’ve given him a home rent free for the last decade.

beansontoastfortea · 17/02/2019 19:53

Pretty sure he now owes your parents/you a hefty sum in backdated rent the CF

HollowTalk · 17/02/2019 19:54

So he is blaming you for having a family that were kind enough to give you BOTH a free place to live? Why on earth didn't you insist on shared money right from the beginning?

I think it's divorce-worthy, too, really. I can't see one good reason for putting his sister's name down there. I could understand if he'd said, "What do you think about my leaving any money to the children, given you're financially okay? If anything changes with your finances of course I'll change it back." To do that sneakily is unforgivable.

And I still can't get over the fact he's blaming you for having the house - is he jealous, do you think?

Goldmandra · 17/02/2019 19:54

Has he done it because you could remarry and your new DH could inherit from you and leave everything to someone other than your (his) DCs?

That is a scenario I've seen played out on MN several times.

NWQM · 17/02/2019 19:55

I’d be fuming but heart broken too. He was seriously preparing for you to be devasted his loss, coping with your son’s grief and ‘from the grave’ so to speak pile in the agony and embarrassment. He sounds just lovely. He doesn’t trust you and doesn’t respect you.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 17/02/2019 19:55

He can do whatever he wants in a Will. But surely it leaves the Estate open to a claim by the OP as a Dependant

BollocksToBrexit · 17/02/2019 19:55

Divorce him, then you'll get half.

ivykaty44 · 17/02/2019 19:55

I would advise you to seek legal advise on this matter and use your own solicitor.

Ask the questions as to whether this is legal
Make your own will

BumbleBeee69 · 17/02/2019 19:56

You’re not over-reacting and I would feel it was divorce-worthy too.

Let him fuck off and find a house of his own to live in - he’ll get a bit of a shock having to pay his own mortgage, won’t he?

absolutely AGREED Flowers

Original poster
LaDiDa33 · 17/02/2019 19:56

At this point all I want is not to feel this way. I don't want a penny from him. I wanted respect and decency.

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 17/02/2019 19:56

I agree it sounds like this is the first step in a divorce - his solicitors would have discussed this all with him and asked about you, and explained your legal rights to joint property- I assume you have some??

I also agree that you should also consult solicitors - he might be trying to go after money you will inherit from your parents. Get legal advice quickly.

AJPTaylor · 17/02/2019 19:56

Don't understand the secrecy. That would bother me. Presumably though your home is held in your parents name so it's pretty reasonable for him to leave his money to the kids. In the meantime get a life policy on him.

AnotherEmma · 17/02/2019 19:57

For gods sake make a will ASAP.
If you die without one your husband will inherit the first £250k plus half of what's left. Your children will get the other half.
You should do what he's done, leave everything to the children and make someone else executor and trustee.
And get legal advice on a possible divorce while you're at it.

It sounds as if he's been cagey about finances all along and this seems to be the final nail in the coffin (no pun intended Confused).

I suggest couple's counselling if you think this could be salvageable. If not, LTB.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/02/2019 19:57

Lying is a really big deal. If you hadn't accidentally found this file, you'd be none the wiser. I think this is a divorce level event if I'm honest.
Also he seems to have a very cushy set up - he's living off your contribution to the marriage (even if it is via your parents), while keeping all his money separate. This is not a partnership.
I couldn't go back from this - it's a huge lack of trust to put his sister in charge of the children's inheritance and not even discuss it with you. What does he think marriage means?
Imagine if he had died and the first you'd heard of this was at that time?

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