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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heart Broken

144 replies

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 14:18

Hi never used this site b fore but needed to talk. Ok so married 18 years nearly two lovely kids 14 and 15. My husband asked to talk yesterday and said he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. The usual it’s not anything you have done you treat me like a king. There isn’t anyone else. I have just felt like this a few months and can’t continue like this anymore. He said he needed to move out for a week or so to clear his head. I was totally shocked and said what about the kids. He called them down and told them. My daughter is really upset and my son won’t talk to him. So so hard. I still love my husband so much and can’t imagine life without him. I know I am still in shock but really needed to just write it down I suppose. We literally do everything together, kids competitions, holidays . We were still sexually a give although I think looking back it was probably just a need for him. Feel completely blown out of the water and don’t know whether he is just confused got bored with maybe routine or he really doesn’t love me anymore? I understand things change in 18 years but we still seem to get each other, ie jokes, sarcasm etc and although he says he has tried, he bought my underwear etc, I told him I don’t feel special I don’t feel he makes an efffort and that he expects it to all come from me. Any feedback chat would be really good

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NatM1 · 17/02/2019 14:47

All very strange he has called me to let me know where he is and has called the kids. But I really think this maybe it for ever as he has braved talking to the kids.

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S021 · 17/02/2019 15:24

What a shock 💐

How old is he?

My advice would be to remain calm and do not plead. Tell him you love him and don’t want this and then step back. Anything more may push him further away or return but with you in an emotionally vulnerable position.

I’m so sorry x

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 15:29

Hi thank you so much for responding good to hear from someone. I did tell him as he left that I love him and would prefer he stay but not if he doesn’t love me and didn’t plead. I do want to pick up the phone but have not, trying to keep a distance, he is 39 40 this year. I am 41. He really is my or so o thought sole mate. I know one day at a time but I really can’t figure out if this is it or he is confused.

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NatM1 · 17/02/2019 15:33

Kids are so upset and my friends have said wow didn’t see that coming, so not sure if that’s a good thing as I didn’t either or he has hiddened his feeling well. Very day without fail he would kiss me and say I love you before he went to work, he said last night he went to do that yesterday and thought I can’t do this anymore. I said so really then you have been lying. He just said I hope I would feel different. We had our first holiday without the kids in jan and he said he hoped that would make him feel better but it didn’t although he had a fab time?

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S021 · 17/02/2019 15:35

I think you have done well so far.

Just to warn you that other posters will come along and say that there’s another woman for sure. Unfortunately this may be the case 💐

Sunnydays78 · 17/02/2019 15:47

Op what a horrible position to be in. I think so21 maybe right. It just doesn’t make sense, sounds like he has someone else.

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 15:52

He actually said to me before you ask there isn’t anyone else. I know most will say yeah yeah there is but really don’t think there is. If there is he has hidden it well as he rarely goes out separately and if he ever has a bad day the first person he calls at work is me. If there is someone else then he has lied to the kids and in a funny way make it slightly easier rather than being no real reason. Before we had the kids ie 16 odd years ago he said the same thing and I moved to my mums for a week. He rang everyday and we meet up. This feels different though.

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NatM1 · 17/02/2019 15:53

Also I am thinking if there was someone else surely he would have gone there? He hasn’t he went to his dads last night then his friends today, as his friend was out last night.

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NatM1 · 17/02/2019 15:54

Not sure why I am asking really as I know it’s answers he needs to give but giving him space and just thinking aloud

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PlasticPatty · 17/02/2019 15:55

Let me be the one to say it. He has a woman. He's lying to you. It will all become clear. He'll 'meet' someone in the next couple of weeks, and later you'll find out he's been with her a good while already.

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:00

Hi Plastic Petty, thank you for your honesty. I am not ruling anything out to be fair and if that’s the case then he doesn’t deserve my love, it’s the poor kids I feel sorry for. Complete truly I am still really in love with him but I am not going to beg and plead. It’s just everything I have know for a long time has turned upside down. We moved out of home together, set up home together, had kids and had been together for 21 years. If there is someone else I would hope he could tell me that.

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NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:01

I also asked him if it was a person at his works as he mentions her a lot. His response was no she is married and I mention her as we work together all day and have to communicate

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stanski · 17/02/2019 16:02

No advice here but sending you a hug! Whatever happens you and the kids will get through this.

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:03

Thank you so much stanski I just feel so lost

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Kettleon80 · 17/02/2019 16:03

Good for you for keeping your dignity and self respect.

It sounds like he is having some kind of mid life crisis. Afraid to say, this rarely happens without the man having someone else. There is a missing piece here. Sorry to say that.

Stay strong.

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:04

My friends that know him well say that can’t understand it and don’t think he has someone but I wonder if he has feeling for someone else?

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AtrociousCircumstance · 17/02/2019 16:06

Yes well he’s married too isn’t he.

There’s the OW.

So sorry, what a coward he is. He doesn’t deserve your love and loyalty. Tell him you’ve had enough. He’s having a lovely time testing out the new possibility (seeing if the OW is willing to make a break from her H) and knowing he has a coat life to come back to if it doesn’t pan out.

Take the cost option away from him. See how he likes it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/02/2019 16:06

*cosy option

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:07

Kettle on I wondered whether a crisis I even asked if it was due to putting on weight. If there is someone else she better f**king be worth it. I hurt from the inside out and keep crying.

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Kettleon80 · 17/02/2019 16:07

Men are cowardly babies. They don't leave generally without someone else to look after them and give them sex. Not saying it's definite but men are men.

PinkiOcelot · 17/02/2019 16:07

Funny how they all come out with the same shite! He hasn’t been happy for a while blah blah!! News to you. Was news to me too!

You’ve done well so far OP. Hi m sorry this has happened to you x

Kettleon80 · 17/02/2019 16:08

I've seen it time and time again as people get to the age of 40...

Kettleon80 · 17/02/2019 16:09

Who has put on weight? You or him?

Hope you're not starting to blame yourself!!!!

katykins85 · 17/02/2019 16:10

Oh OP I'm so sorry Sad

NatM1 · 17/02/2019 16:11

Sorry what does ow mean all ? Sorry first day on this site. Yes he really does have it easy he even said that. He said it’s not you, you treat me like a king I just don’t feel the same. Never in a million years would I have thought he would just go if things didn’t work out not just like that. To be honest as well I thought if there was someone else I would have picked up on something. He is always home after work so god knows where he finds the time!

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