Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I really feel like I've turned a corner the past few days.

You might rem I was struggling with OLD due to still getting over my knob of an ex

Well all, I'm flying. I'm making the first move and messaging guys. I'm chatting to about 4 different ones at the min. Nothing big, but it's been just what I've needed

So to those who pushed and supported me on here to keep going, thank you.

@lifegoes yay good to hear this!

@helpmeoutout just need to turn these conversations in to dates. But I'm taking my time with that.

Lonelyman have you thought of joining local meetup groups? I have gone to a couple and enjoyed meeting both men and women just as friends. I only really joined old yesterday - so you can take my advice with a pinch of salt - but I think if I met someone and liked them the travelling wouldn't bother me but if I read that upfront it would probably put me off - even though I would really appreciate the honestly.

I have been pleasantly surprised with my results from match. Over 100 viewed my picture and some nice guys 'favourited me'. Lots of them are from too far away and as I mentioned yesterday I've been put off by the ones who have made no effort with their photos.

Anyway a relatively attractive, younger man favourited me yesterday and I spent hours trying to craft a message to him and ended up going to bed late having written a paltry, unfunny 50 words. This morning I rewrote it and I think crafted an amusing message based on our joint interests. I'm sure I'll be back here in a week wondering why he hasn't replied!

I am not sure if it is premature to name him but I might go for Mr Beard. It is clearly a beard as opposed to the 50 other men with straggly facial hair.

If he doesn't reply I'll wait til the weekend and send a message to someone else.

@shitwithsugaron just what I needed tbh. Made me realise I'm not this worthless person he made me think I was

Lifegoes I'm a 'message first' person - what have you got to lose?? Go you!

leonasa that's a horrible thing to find out, I'd feel 'exclusive' like you did, too.

Welcome lonelyman

shitwith I have a Fab buddy who I've not had sex with 😂 it's definitely a thing. Met him for a pre-work coffee this morning.

Not sure how I feel about texting between fixing a date and the actual date. I don't want to endlessly answer questions about how my day was (particularly if I'm messaging other irons as well, because I feel like I'm saying the same thing!). On the other hand, not to message at all feels quite cold to me. So a little light messaging is good ...!

I'm nearly 55 but not gone through the menopause yet Periods are about every 3 to 4 months now though. I've always had a rampaging libido so I can't imagine it going anywhere - it's definitely increased in the last 5 years or so. TMI but orgasms are bigger and better too !

@BatshitCrazyWoman I never have been before. But that's the approach I'm taking, fuck it 😂😂😂

Lonely swingers clubs are not just for couples. Having single men there is kind of what makes it all swing IYSWIM.

TooOld wow indeed to the menopause effect, I feel like a bit of a sex pest sometimes. Sex with my guy is on hold awaiting a diagnosis and I am finding it very difficult not to go straight back on the apps looking for a FB or FWB, even though I vowed not to multi date in 2019.

stealth I fear you are overinvesting/overthinking Mr Beard. Remember the rules...

Perfect attitude lifegoes ! My exh made me feel like I was the most boring, unattractive, tedious woman on the planet. Oh, and he said I was frigid. 😂😂 I'm definitely not the last one, and men don't seem to think I'm the first three either. What I'm trying to say is that the 'fuck it' attitude is very empowering and confidence building!!

Thanks Batshit, I'm really struggling with it today, trying to distract myself by getting back on the apps and exchanging a few messages but I just feel really quite hurt by it all. I probably overinvested but I feel he encouraged that by the way he was being/things he was saying and I rarely meet people who I feel I connect with.

Just feel like crying and also stuck somewhere between being angry at him and thinking he's a dick and also semi hoping he might come around. I suppose there is nothing for it but time and more swiping, though I'm not really feeling it..

On a lighter note, what does loo update mean? 🙂

And that all sounds great lifegoes, I'm going to try and follow your lead!

I've just read your posts @leonasa it's hard at first, but the more you try and engage with OLD the more it seems to take your mind off your current situation.

And also charting on here helps.

@leonasa loo update means we're a bunch of nosey parkers so take your phone to the toilet with you when you're on a date and let us know how it's going!

Ha, ok, will do that next time I have one! ☺️

Two things that do annoy me about OLD.

When you match on tinder, they are hot! But over 100 miles away

When you really fancy their mate in a group picture on their profile.

Have any of you tried an over 50’s dating site? If so, which one please? Have been dabbling with OLD for a while, and following this site, but since hitting 55 last summer having very little success. Told I don’t look my age, but feel like I probably don’t fall into anyone’s search criteria now. Don’t want to lie, seems a silly way to start anything. Even swiping on older guys doesn’t get me any matches... and I struggle to find anyone I find vaguely appealing. Occasional hit from guys in their mid 30’s, but all they want is the sex chat... and I can’t be arsed with that. I want a real live man in my bed thanks! Any advice welcome

leonasa you did the right thing. If anything it was a glaring ommission on his behalf not to have mentioned this clearly. Oh btw. I multi date. Most people who do are well aware it will have an emotional impact on people they're seeing. It's probably a good idea to sound people out after the 2nd date. Like my approach is usually 'do you multi-date?' In a non judgemental way of asking. I have never had anyone complain about being asked. It helps to clarify....a few guys said 'yes but not after dtd' or 'not after the exclusive chat'. This also helps with accountability because if after all that they're still fing about....its like dude you knew that was bad form

this is not I turned 56 in the autumn and immediately noticed a falling off of interest on Tinder and Bumble - clearly, once out of the 45-55 bracket I was yesterday's news. I left the apps before Christmas to pursue two established irons on a multi-dating basis, one of whom I dumped in the new year to concentrate on the other one exclusively, though I think for health reasons this is about to end. When I left the apps I deleted my accounts because I knew that if/when I came back I would have to shave two years off my age. I hate lying but then again I hate bloody prejudice and 'computer says no' as well!

I don't know about over 50s apps.

Thisisnot I'm 51 and noticed a big drop in interest when I turned 50. It's like having a 5 at the front was an immediate no for men.

I have tried lying about my age - taken 5 years off - and it made a very noticeable difference in the level of interest I got. But ultimately I'm looking for a relationship, so I don't want to lie.

I've looked at the new app, Lumen plus Saga dating and others. And I didn't think much of them. Lumen had 2 men within 30 miles of me. The rest had men who I had already seen on the other apps.

But I also felt that I didn't want to restrict myself to men older than me. I have very few friends my age. Most are about 8 - 10 years younger. And in an obvious light-bulb moment, I realised that's probably why I like younger men.

Thank you cassettes you're right I was over investing in Mr Beard. I have been a sahm for years and think I have lost a lot of confidence with dealing with new people and so sending him a breezy message (channeling Monica in Friends) was a big thing. It will get easier. I hadn't expected someone so attractive to like me (although I realise for him it might just be meaningless clicking on a button) but more importantly we had lots of interests in common more than any of the other men I looked at.

Because of this I have decided to reply to a message another man sent me. He lives about 90 minutes away so there is absolutely no way I'd ever meet him. I thought maybe if I chatted I'd get used to how it works. Presumably it's ok to chat to someone I don't ever intend to meet? Or is that a bit mean?

myoldbrain cassettes thank you both for your replies. You have both confirmed my initial thoughts. But kind of relieved I’m not the only one, which is why I’m so grateful I found this thread in the first place.

I don’t really want to restrict myself to over 50’s as I’m actually happier dating guys late 40s...too many my age and older remind me of my dad sadly! Will consider paying for tinder and hiding my age, or knocking off a couple of years. Had wanted to avoid that as ultimately I’d like to meet someone to have a relationship with, and don’t like starting off on the wrong foot.

thisisnot and cassettes - why not shave a couple of yrs off but then add your real age in your profile bit, depending on which site you're on. It's similar with divorced and separated. I changed mine to divorced but stated I was separated in my profile. So it's not exactly lying, it's just messing with the selection criteria in your favour.

I've seen men do this, come up as 42 but are really 46 and they state it in their profile part.

It wouldn't put me off, it might if they said they were 20 and really 46.

So think that's a good idea by @TooOld

Hey everyone!

I’ve just spent 45 minutes after work reading and going through the posts - so many new ones and new people which is always nice to see. It’s great to have another persons perspective especially a male one.

lifegoes I’m really pleased to see OLD is getting easier for you and you’re thinking about your ex less. Here’s hoping one of the guys works out!

We had our third date last night, at her house watching movies and eating pizza and it was awesome. It was lovely being together but able to talk without anyone else around and I had a really lovely time. I’m now her unofficial technology fixer as she is terrible with everything electronic!
If anyone had said after we met for the first time last Monday that we’d have had three dates in 8 days and been the way we are together I really would have laughed. Life has actually surprised me this time but it’s one of the best surprises possible! It’s my birthday next week and she’s asked to take me out for it, so it’s all looking good. I’m really happy and content.

So now I just get to live a single life through you guys and hear all about your dates!