Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi! I’d like to join please!
I recently posted this: - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3507884-How-do-I-find-someone and batshitcrazywoman has been kind enough to 1) help me with my OLD profile and 2) point me at this thread. Thanks bats! :)

If you don’t want to read my post, the highlights are: -

Male, mid 50’s, not completely ugly, with my own (fairly successful) IT consultancy. The problem is that I am my business, and I must go where the work is.

I can spend months working away, and this has resulted in me not having a relationship since my divorce about 30 months ago.

I’ve been OLD since April last year and had two whole dates. I’ve been honest in my profile about the travelling in my profile, and I’m pretty sure this is putting people off, but I enjoy my job, (and the money!), so feel pretty stuck.

I try and look / date locally to wherever I am, so for instance I recently had a date with a woman in Scotland, but it didn't go anywhere. :(

I’m on most of the OLD usual suspects, and some, erm, adult dating sites (where I’m lost in a mass of younger, fitter, better equipped men.. :( ) as a FB / FWB (or even ONS!) would be great whilst I try to find something with a deeper connection, but no joy so far :( There is simply TOO much choice for you ladies…

So, some hand holding, and support required, and if I can offer a male perspective, I’d be happy to.

@Lonleyman welcome to the thread!

It's a tricky situation you're in, don't have any advice but sure others will be along in a moment to give some.

Re-joined Bumble after a break of several months. It has been really busy and have had 2 phone chats already BUT oh if Mr PC calls me sexy again I'll thump him - this time I'm going for younger men as the older ones seem boring!

Welcome Lonleyman - I was on this thread a while back and it is full of good advice. I am not looking for anything serious but I would hesitate to get involved with anyone who is likely to disappear after a few months.

@Lonleyman I always think people are leading double lives when they emphasize lots of travel! Could you add jokingly you want someone to come with you to all these fun places one day? Maybe get someone in your age group on this thread to review your profile and see whether it could be tweaked?

Thanks all.
CanIreally Yep, I understand, but what can I do? Lie in my profile and on dates? Can't see that working...

I can be in one place for some time. My current "posting" is near Swindon, and could last for a couple of years.

I'd like to think a FB / FWB might be more understanding.

Eesha Not me! But how to prove it? I don't go to anywhere exotic, or particularly fun (did I say I was near Swindon? :) ), so can't see anyone "following" me..

Thanks, it's been "tweaked" a few times by some very helpful people on here!

In terms of the contact thing I think it's really individual. When I was in the dating game, texting felt like an effort and a bit forced with some irons so I tended to just leave those ones to necessary contact only (I.e just to confirm dates). Some were much easier to talk to IRL (some weren't!)
But then for instance with my now BF, texting was so fluent with him from day 1 and our convos ended up going off on all kinds of tangents that we were talking pretty much every day far more than we probably should have been!

I have been asked on a coffee date with someone I have been messaging in and off with for a while. Do I go? I don’t know where I stand with Mr SA, we haven’t had the exclusive talk but have DTD, I feel a little guilty going on a date with someone else but I also don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket and over invest with Mr SA. Is it ok to date 2 people?

Lonleyman - No you have to be honest. Would you be willing to travel at weekends to wherever? A weekend FWB seems ideal to me.

@Lovemusic33 i would go, unless you and Mr SA has confirmed exclusivitiy then what's stopping you. If you really really like Mr SA you could always ask him for clarity? that might help you make up your mind about the coffee date

Love - I would go - its only coffee.

Morning All

Love - Things sound really good with MrSA. Yes, I would/have. It takes the edge off overthinking. Hopefully having the coil won't spoil things too much and you might be lucky and everything settles down quickly. Just think of the long term benefits.

Lonelyman - Welcome. Hmm, difficult one. Don't know if you're looking for a relationship or casual dating. Do you update your profile when you move for work? Do you go back 'home' at w/e's? Tbh, it would put me off unless I was looking for a ONS. But if you did meet anyne and hit it off, the key is communication - telephone calls or video chats, to keep the momentum going.

@Lovemusic33 I would go too . Hope it goes well

My reply from MrBE was 'Morning beautiful, no I'm not looking for anyone else'. He runs his own engineering company and travels but not as often and as long as you Lonelyman. At one point during the messaging stage I told him to forget it as he sounded far too busy and then when he convinced me he'd find time I only agreed to meet him to rule him out!

CanI really Yes, I can travel at weekends, and, if distance is reasonable, during the week.

TooOld Ideally, I'd like a long term relationship, but as one of the reasons my marriage failed was the constant me being away (amongst other things!), I'm not holding my breath... I can go home at weekends, but the place is empty, and just makes me feel worse, iyswim...

Lonleyman In that case, I don't see it as a problem. What does your profile say re working in different locations?

CanIReally I forgot to mention that, due to what I do, I sometimes have to work weekends and overnight... :(

I say something along the lines of "work can take me away for weeks at a time", - I did get advice to take it out, to see if I could get a date, but you now have me thinking I might just need to change it.

Maybe something like "I can spend several months in different parts of the globe for work, but am available at weekends, and if distance and circumstance permit, weeknights" ??

Yes, lonelyman that sounds much better! You don't want to put them off too much and also don't want to lie.

Cor. I’d forgotten how brutal swiping could be. Exchanged a few brief messages with someone this morning. Went to reply and boom, conversation had gone, I’d been unmatched!
Missing messaging Mr S about nothing. We chatted frequently but it felt natural and easy.

Aw tooold and shitwith things sound like they are going so well ❤️

Lonley

I can spend several months in different parts of the globe for work, but am available at weekends, and if distance and circumstance permit, weeknights

Much, much better - I'd change it if I were you

Lonely have you tried the swingers club in Swindon - Rewind? I've not been but (male) friends who have say it's good, unthreatening and respectful.

Someone mentioned the effect of the menopause (Lonely you may want to stop reading here...) My sex drive had died after 30 years with MP XH. Menopause and divorce hit and wow - it came back with a vengeance and it's stayed yay! So what they say about the Silver Sex Surge is true, at least it can be (I'm 56).

Thanks TooOld and CanIReally I'll update that today...

Swingers clubs? Never been to one. Aren't they for couples?

cassettes - Long may it continue! I think the menopause effect is a bit like Viagra for men, you still have to have the desire to want sex. So, if you're newly single again then wow!!