Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

leonasa sorry you've been hurt by this guy. You have done really well just walking away, so be proud of yourself.

I can't keep up with the thread tonight!!!
But just wanted to say to leonasa that sucks. That was a really shitty thing to do to you. I think it's general dating etiquette that you tell people you are having sex with others but I wonder how many of us are actually honest enough to do so. You are not too thin skinned. Don't let that put you off. You have learnt a hard lesson.

Given leonasa's post - I've just msg MrBE to ask if we are off the dating apps now. I know he invited me on his holiday but it seems that it's never safe to assume!

I think that's a smart move @TooOldForThis67

My iron and I are exclusive and have written a bucket list type of thing and talked about future plans but now wondering if there should have been a formal "will you be my girlfriend?" chat

Dont really see the need to hear the question but now having second thoughts!

helpmeout - Doesn't sound like you need to.

Ah thanks everyone I really appreciate all your messages! Coco yes I will stay away, have kind of left it like that but if he makes another approach with anything less than exclusivity I will go with a Hussey-esque response. Might do some listening to him again too, he does make me feel stronger.

NotCoolMum sorry you've had a bad one too and hugs back! I just went back and caught up on your situation, I agree with others that it sounds like maybe it could be salvaged but is there other stuff, were you just getting a bad sense about things? Hope you can maybe resolve it anyway though you have to do what's right for you xx

TooOld yeah I honestly did not expect that at all, I thought he'd say of course not!! I had had advice from some people that it was best not to ask but I think the way OLD is you kind of have to. I would be extremely shocked if he's invited you on his holiday and is still on the apps though.

Help I think if you've had the exclusivity chat already then you are good 🙂

The more I think about it, the more I think I can't do FWB at the moment. My self esteem is really increasing, and I don't want to lower it. I feel sure I would be wondering how he feels about me, whether he likes someone else, whether he sees me as a sexual play thing. That wouldn't be good for me. Maybe FWB is only an option with people you just don't like that much. Hmmm.

I think that sounds good leonasa, you are being true to yourself

fire yes I’m not sure I could manage fwb, have never tried before, if opportunity arises I may meet with Mr fab again but the fact I didn’t find him overly attractive and definitely wouldn’t want a relationship with him would make fwb easier with him. I’m not as fussed as I normally would be about him messaging/not messaging. Have had some messaging since the w/e (instigated by him) but he is patchy on text but then I guess we were both clear in what it was from the beginning.

leonasa sorry he turned out to be a dickhead. I don't know how to develop the thick skin that seems to be so necessary for this. Chin up matey x

@Sunnydays78 just in reply to your post a few pages back, I get on just fine with my ex and will continue to do so, but that doesn't mean I don't want or have time for somebody else in my life.
He's clearly prioritising his kids, and doesn't sound like he just wants a step mum to replace his wife, so sounds like a decent guy to me.
But you only say that you've been talking to him for a while, so if you haven't actually been on a date yet, maybe your worries are academic anyway as you might not actually fancy him. Maybe start with that and stop thinking too far ahead

fire and koko - I could do FWB with MM, MrWow or MrYoung - now that I've ruled them out of relationship material. But I want things to work with MrBE. I think going thro the menopause has escalated things for me this last year. It's made me want to settle down although my sex drive it at it's highest. I think I'm just confused!

I didn't know that menopause has that effect... so my sex drive might go even higher!?!

Yep firesong! I think if you always enjoyed a healthy sex life then sometimes the menopause kind of gives you a boost. I was fairly infertile so never bothered with contraception in later years anyway. Had a 'miracle' baby with my STBX at 41. Now a year plus period free and it's fantastic!! I'm 51 but never felt so sexual.

Thanks leonasa. The only worry I had was that it was too soon for him after his separation. But Since our conversation I’ve seen how guilty he feels about leaving and how much control over him his ex has because of it. I can’t understand why he’s left if he’s not going to allow himself to be happy. It all feels sad and desperate. And could be different if he wasn’t consumed by the guilt of leaving his children.

Morning everyone, I need advice please. I signed up to Tinder a few days ago and have been chatting to a few people. I have arranged to go on a date with Mr intelligent on Saturday. How much contact should I expect between now and Saturday ? How do I spot if he is getting cold feet ? I am prone to getting invested emotionally too quickly and I want to avoid that

@itiswell2019 I'd say that depends on what's 'normal' for you both at the moment. If it's fairly sporadic I'd say just send him a quick 'hey just checking we're still on for tomorrow?' on Friday and confirm place/ time etc
If it's more regular then just keep things as normal and double check details on Friday

I think it's important to just keep telling yourself it's all bullshit til it happens and not have any expectations!
Good luck

@itiswell2019 I think it depends on how much communication you have had before setting up the date. I would expect that you would both try to build up communication a little prior to meeting, if there is no communication between now and Saturday it would put me on edge and wonder if the date was still going ahead. Sounds petty but I need that reassurance every step of the way hahaha Saying that the odd day between now and Saturday with no communication is marginally acceptable I guess.

@leonasa that is really bad luck and I'm sorry that you had a bad experience, but thank goodness you had the chat. I am the same as you - I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who was seeing other people.

@Coko you asked a few pages back why I was having second thoughts about the Fab date. Well I guess because I am not sure whether I really want a NSA type of thing. I thought I would give it a go, but I'm not so sure now. I am meeting him on Friday and will see how I feel.

@shitwithsugaron your guy sounds promising. Hope it carries on going so well.

I saw Mr Tennis last night and it was a bit of a disappointment. He looks better in photos than he does in real life, he talks constantly and there was no chemistry. I cut the date short by saying that I was tired as I couldn't face going for a meal with him and being talked at all evening.

Mr Much Younger has confirmed for tomorrow night which is nice. He is still on POF (as am I) so is probably dating other women, but that doesn't bother me at all. If we did get to the stage of getting closer, I would definitely have 'the chat' with him.

I have another iron, Mr Lifeguard, who is quite chatty and funny, but lives a bit further away than I would really like. I have decided that I prefer my dates to live within 15 miles. However, I might give him a chance as he seems like a nice guy.

@itiswell2019, I've taken the new approach to not overchat or expect loads of contact before my date this weekend. In the past i have chatted loads only to be disappointed so I'd rather have mini text exchange each day till we actually meet. Otherwise I find I end up knowing everything and no surprises!

Thank you for your reply ladies . We started talking on the app yesterday and it went on for a few hours and flowed very easily so he suggested we meet for a coffee . Normally I like to chat for a few weeks before meeting up but decided to do things a little different this time as I would be child free all weekend.
I know it's not 24hrs yet but just want to use your wisdom to prepare myself. I will try not to think about it.
Can you tell I have been out of the game for years?