Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Anyone else notice trousers and jeans coming up way smaller than two years ago.
I compared after buying new pair and yeh they were so like over an inch difference.

Update. My friend who’s boyfriend is on tinder...I did some casual snooping and they split a week ago- phew

I am feeling blue. My great date/ sex with Mr Big who I thought was potential FWB has gone cold. He does message if I message first but I asked him about meeting and he came up with loads of things he might have to do that day. I overinvested ☹️I think I want more which is annoying as I don’t have time for more.

My other iron Mr Messiah still messages but only friendly, I mentioned about meeting and he said defo then just went back into joke/ friend mode.

And a guy I was at school with turned up on my tinder stack today. He is married. His profile said “NSA just sex, wife knows I am looking” so depressing ☹️

I'm also short so size 10 looks overweight especially as I have a mum tum. Last time I dated (20 years ago) I was probably a size 14 but much more confident as I didn't have a saggy tum, stretch marks or cellulite. And I swear my nose has got bigger too as I've got older.

Anyway a good-looking man has 'favourited' me and I looked at his profile, he says he is only interested in women that are 27 to 44 - younger than me. I find that a bit off-putting but I like his interests - we have quite a lot in common. I have never sent a guy a message before so I am just going to put the dc to bed and think about it run away from computer and never come back.

I'm 5'9 so....tall really...size 12. It's tricky. If a man says he's 5'9 I know for a solid he'll be 5'8 or below. I can't really get the feeling for men shorter than me so I have to go for the 6 foot or above. Once again dwindling my pool.

On which note. This iron I texted out of the blue after my granny died. We've arranged 2 dates. 2 consecutive Saturdays. It's weird. We've seen each other really sporadically spaced over a year. Very occasionally chatting to each other on apps...meeting and then not seeing each other for ages. The first time I met him was my first old. we did the deed and then I scampered from his flat at 4am while he was sleeping. Life sure takes you on some twists and turns. The thing of it is....he is the best sex I've ever had. And we get on well. Maybe this is actually a 'thing'?

The reason I scampered away I think was precisely because it was my first old and the first time I dtd after me and ex split. My head was all over the shop. I was very sad the next day because....even though I ended the relationship I still loved my ex and this guy wasn't him ya know? I feel really differently now though. So who knows

supercali maybe your time with this iron is now.

My Mr Sailor has left me two voice messages which are making me feel very smiley. I am a complete sucker for a less tall than average northerner, evidently ☺

New to this thread and reading it all with interest.

I'm definitely not after a proper relationship with progression, but I'm curious - how do you avoid getting overly involved if you like someone and have a casual arrangement?

There's someone I like - let's call him Mr Good Friend (he's always saying what good friends we are) - and we have an attraction. Some physical stuff happened a couple of months ago and he freaked out afterwards as he thought we were heading for a relationship. He's now saying he definitely wouldn't react like that again... I just don't know. It lowered my self-esteem to be rejected even though I'm not ready for a relationship either.

firesong Well, you could try seeing 2 blokes at the same time.....or alternatively consider whether you're feeling resilient enough at the moment to cope with someone who's blowing hot and cold?

As for me......lovely chat with someone tonight, who, several messages in , reveals that he's a chef.....and doesn't live here most of the time.

Yesterday, lovely chat with someone who, several messages in, reveals that he's "ethically non monogamous" (not ethical enough to actually put it on his profile, mind )....and doesn't live here most of the time.

Seriously, living in Tourist Central sucks sometimes

Hey all. any tips for me about having my iron over when my 9 month old has gone to bed? Not sure if this is appropriate or not. Sometimes I just want to relax at home but don't always want my baby out of the house. Is it okay to invite iron over after baby's gone to bed?

crack where the Hell do these people live the rest of the time?

Yeah... I don't really know how resilient I am! Maybe not very Also, we have kind of said before that if we were both after a relationship in future, we might give it a try. A casual thing / FWB could ruin that I guess..? Maybe I try for sex elsewhere. I have a very high sex drive but tend to only want it with people I'm actually into.

supercali I agree with bat
fire difficult one and I’m not sure what I would do in your position
Watched Dirty John and just goes to show how easy it can be to be hoodwinked by people but my god that woman moved crazy quickly - moving in,marriage etc

help how long have you been with your iron?

help yes, the length of time you've known him makes a difference. I think yes, I would have a guy over once I had known them a couple of months. Wouldn't leave them with the child or anything, obviously!

My eldest is 8 though, so I wouldn't do that at the mo. She's too aware and I wouldn't want to confuse her.

Ok so a question about Bumble- how do I see who I've matched with?! I apparently have a few but it just keeps on telling me to access them via Boost.

@CocoKoko123 it's been about 2 months, handful of (very nice) dates and dtd at mine.

@firesong No wouldn't leave him with baby at all. Baby would be asleep for the night before he gets here

@firesong i agree at 8, i would not either, but just wondering if it's okay as baby is 9 months. Glad I have babysitters on hand but if we are just having a night in, I wonder if it's worth baby always going to stay with granny all the time.

help if it was me I probably would, given that your dc is only 9 months old and no risk of them coming downstairs etc and seeing a ‘stranger’ in the house. However, I’m also aware that to be alone with anyone either at theirs or yours, with or without children in the house could potentially be putting yourself&dc in a vulnerable position.
Fwiw I have put myself in vulnerable positions with people I’ve only known for a few weeks etc (can’t exactly dtd in a public place!)

meh Unless you pay, you will only see if someone has matched with you if you swipe right on them. Then it will all go yellow for a moment and tell you you've matched, huzzah etc!, and then you have to send them a message.

Hi everyone! Sorry to disappear for a few weeks, things were going really well with the guy I was seeing and I was trying to not to get too in my head about it. Everything was lovely, he was making lots of effort to text and see me and being super caring and intimate.

And then... we have the chat. I actually didn't really think we needed to, I was pretty convinced he was really into me but we have been sleeping together so I just wanted to know for sure if he was seeing anyone else (I get that people multiple date but to me if I'm sleeping with someone I'd rather they at least weren't sleeping with others).

And, he is! Seeing and sleeping with other people. And doesn't want a monogamous relationship - ever. Despite often acting very boyfriend like. He'd sent me a lovely Valentine's message and I asked if he'd sent any others and - yep that too!!!

He insists he does really like me and he definitely would like to keep seeing me on a non monogamous basis but no way am I doing that.. So, am quite gutted basically. One small consolation is that he has actually on my advice changed his profile to be more honest about the fact he doesn't want a relationship, I seem to have affected him to a degree and he did say that since meeting me is the first time he's questioned things, my friend thinks he might come around but I'm not holding my breath.

So back to square one and feeling quite hurt, I did really like him. And also just feeling totally despondent with it all. Is there anyone out there who doesn't want to be shagging half the app and can actually just give one person a go at a time?? The multiple dating thing just seems so awful now, I get it at first and I was doing it too when it was just dates but when I like someone and things are developing I just can't... am I too thin skinned for all of this?

Sorry for the super long post...

@CocoKoko123 get what you mean, dtd-ing in public is tempting! although i'm far too old and have a lot to loose now, would hate to find myself on the internet or worst still arrested! hahahah

It's only been a short while but this is my first time dating with a baby, we are both serious about each other and obviously dont want to hide my baby but i'm cautious not to rush that element as well. I think I would only invite him over with baby here if childcare was absolutely impossible that night. At the moment, trying my best to juggle having me time and being mum.

@leonasa So sorry to hear that, he should have made it super obvious what he wanted from the beginning. I honestly dont get how people can do multiple dating, i wish I had that knack to be honest. I can literally only handle one iron at a time, and in the past it has been to my detriment. I reckon next time you get to the point where you think the iron is stepping in to the bf category, ask him point blank what he is looking for before you fall too deep. Unless he comes back wanting exclusivitiy then i would keep him in the bin.

help I have only had one day where the sexual chemistry was so intense if there’d been the opportunity of a hotel room there and then I’d have done it!what I meant was it is natural to want to dtd at some point and as you can’t do it in a public place (well I guess you could if you really wanted to but personally I wouldn’t!) it’s inevitable that you are going to have to put yourself in what is potentially a vulnerable position of either being alone at theirs or alone at yours.At yours obviously has the added disadvantage of them knowing where you live which wouldn’t be great if they turn out to be a psycho.Even telling a friend who you are with and where you are or sharing location on your phone wouldn’t help if you were attacked other that they’d know where to find you!Scary stuff.
Sorry to bring the thread down and I’m sure although a lot of idiots on OLD only a small proportion of them are psychopathic!
leona that sucks but at least upon questioning he was honest. I wouldn’t hang around for him and would just send him a Matthew hussey-esque text basically something along the lines of being unable to invest fully in someone who can’t invest in you fully. You want a ‘fuck yeh’ from the person who is right for you.

Aw leonasa. I’m so sorry. It really hurts when you think things are one way and you feel excited about where it might be going to find out they aren’t in the same page at all. Ive just had the rug pulled out from me in a different way but, like you, I’d gone on his actions which were sweet and caring and from that decided I was safe to consider myself in a relationship and to let my feelings develop.
Sending you a hug. X

And fwiw I wouldn’t be happy with irons seeing others once it got to the dtd and acting like bf/gf stage.