Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

*single women

Can I join? I have been meaning to but this thread just moves so quickly.

I am a newly separated sahm and after years of 'just' being with kids - watching kids films, reading kids books, going to theme parks and child friendly restaurants I'd like to be an adult again!

The comments made about men online dating resonate with me. There don't seem that many attractive ones and I see myself as reasonably ok for my age - although now I'm worried that actually I am competing with some really stunning women. It's made worse by the fact I am very unphotogenic and self conscious of myself in photos.

Incidentally I don't even want a really attractive man, but some of the less attractive men don't make any effort with their photos. Do I want a guy standing in front of a filthy kitchen counter with crumbs and food on it? I just got rid of a guy who didn't do housework so no thanks. (The guy mentioned was actually quite good looking but the state of his house has put me off).

Also some men seem to have really unrealistic expectations and I wonder if those expectations are met. I am mid 40s and I was looking for men from 40 to 60 and discover that even older men who don't want kids see me as being too old for them. Yet I wonder if many women in their 30s would be interested in a 50 year old man? Many of the attractive men are also really picky about the weight of the woman they want too. I am size 10, but with a bit more weight than I would like, and its amazing how many men would exclude me for being too heavy.

Today I have to put a photo up and as mentioned I am really unphotogenic so I have just plastered on a tonne of foundation and will get a small child to take a blurry photo of me! And somewhere is a forum where men are criticising women who put blurry photos of themselves on online dating!

You lot have been busy this morning!

Rejected - I'm going to 2nd that change of name! Good luck for Thurs.

Lily I get messages from men in their 50’s assuming I will want to date them, some of them look closer to 60, I am 37 and pretty average looking and slim, these men strangely think that I will want to date them (sleep with them). There are a few men in their 50’s that look good for their age but I don’t seem to get messages from them 🤣

@stealthninjamum These are the exact reasons I've given up with OLD for now. I'm 43 so been looking at age range 37-50. I see very very few decent looking guys over 40 (I'd prefer someone my age or slightly older). I literally found one who was 47 and pretty attractive but he was a total time-waster. Guys over 50 generally look about 70 so I avoid older than that. I consider myself reasonable attractive and don't look my age. I put on some decent pics of myself and I'm a size 8 but I rarely get any matches.
I paid for the extra subscription to Bumble just to see who was actually swiping right, and it was either much older guys, or guys who live miles away.
Younger guys just want s&x and guys my age and slightly older clearly want women much younger!!

Welcome Stealth. I've been told by quite a few dates that I look like my pic, as a lot of women don't. Women tend to use filters a lot or post pics of them much younger apparently. I know that doesn't help on the swipe stage much. I've had a very high rate of 2nd date requests so being honest/genuine counts. Men take crap pics and I've been very pleasantly surprised by most I've met.
Good luck.

@stealth, I cannot believe that size 10 is now too big for OLD!!! Id better go and gave my jaw wired with my size 14

Funnily enough, I only went on a date with my MrBE to rule him out. His profile pic wasn't great. I was delighted when I actually met him, he's gorgeous to me. He's 52, has hair and teeth, average build, tall. That's quite rare unfortunately but fortunate for me! .

I only put a profile pic on. I state I'm average build (I'm a size 12). Don't think I've been asked for a full pic yet!

Thanks ladies. Luckily at this stage I have quite healthy self-esteem but if I didn't this would be a killer. crappyday2018 isn't it amazing that so many guys over 50 look old yet looking at my friends of my age we all look good for our age. I guess they can't disguise their age by dying their hair or wearing spanx but why stipulate that they want a woman who is so much younger? I am really open minded and would be happy to go for a quick drink with a guy who seems nice and assume his photo isn't flattering but it seems like a lot of them wouldn't want me!

Amazonfromkent my weight is 10st 2 and I have seen a couple of guys say that the max they want is 10st. Maybe they actually don't know what 10st looks like? I used to be size 16 /18 and put much more effort into grooming than now so size 16/18 me was always manicured and made up, in smart clothes, but would've been rejected by guys who aren't exactly Adonis's.

I have put a picture up. And within seconds a 25 year old sent me a message. Not interested.

Omg if a man stipulated a weight that would be an instant no?! Surely it depends on height too

I'm on Match and it seems quite common to stipulate a height and weight preference. One of the ones who said a max weight of 10st also stipulated a height maximum of 5 ft 7 so their ideal woman could be very slim.

I can't believe I have had about a dozen men view my profile, one message and one wink, and a 'star'. Some are just too young or have no photo or live too far away. A couple might be suitable but I am really put off by the fact that they had viewed my photo almost immediately. I need to spend time with my children for a few hours and I hope they don't expect me to reply any time soon. Hmm signing up for old in half-term was maybe not such a smart move.

shitsithsugaron yuk. My house is by no means tidy but if it was going in a photo for online dating I'd pose in front of a blank wall or I'd tidy it. I think my stbexh will be like the man you dated. I can see in 6 years time he'll still have the lovely lacy bedding that used to be on our spare bed. He probably won't have washed it either

I don't want a conventionally 'good looking' man either. A quick, dry wit and ability to hold a conversation is devastatingly attractive to me. I don't like muscly men or very skinny men ...

I do okay OLD and get a lot of second date offers, but there often hasn't been that spark or there's a red flag that appears during the first date.

I'm a sucker for wit and humour too. In fact that and intelligence are much more of a turn on for me than looks which, aside from not liking bald heads and preferring men who are taller than me, don't really matter. For me, when looking on Tinder and PoF etc, I discounted really good looking guys, simply because I assume that they won't be interested in me, rather than because I think they might be vain or anything like that. It was about me, rather than them iyswim?

I haven't had a specific chat with MrTeacher about what we want from a relationship. Given our general conversation last night, I am pretty much in no doubt that he is on the same page as me, so I've just decided to ride things out and see what happens. I found out at the weekend that my ex husband most likely had an affair two or three years ago, with someone he worked with, so I think I was feeling a bit touchy and angry about that, and kind of projected that negativity onto what is happening with MrTeacher. I am feeling much better today, and we have our next couple of dates planned

Speaking of looks etc...

My current iron, let's call him Mr Doc (for documentaries not doctor lol) appeared a bit older than in his pics which disappointed me a bit but all is not lost. I think I put very honest pics of myself up. In fact I choose a few ones I wasn't keep on myself but represented my character lol. I'm pretty sure I look exactly the same as my pics, no filters etc and all recent.

He sent me a message today asking what I thought of him when I saw him. I didn't have the courage to say the truth but said he was cute and that we got on amazingly - true. He said he had to take a double take when he first saw me and 😜 emoji. Not sure what that means. Haven't replied yet lol.

Anyway, his shoes really bothered me. I wasn't keen on what he was wearing but I'm not gonna judge him so quickly based on that. The shoes were just awful though. Am I shallow? Lol. I was thinking if this gets as far as a few months in...I will definitely be telling him to ditch those. Can only hope his casual shoes are better 😩🤦🏻‍♀️

Online Dating is like having a part time job, you need to take breaks every so often.
Its hard work!
Met a few people this year, but nothing that exciting..
All the effort for nothing boo

Hello peeps,

I haven't posted much as I took a good long break from online dating in November and haven't been back since. However, went on for a nosy just before Valentine's (on POF) and a reasonably nice looking guy messaged me that same day. We swapped relatively long funny messages and are going on a date this weekend. I'll call him MrMystery as his job is apparently with the police but he can't say much more unless in person. I'm quite excited just to go out on a date, but also keeping in mind I'm the prize. To that effect, I've tried not to go back and check last seen etc on POF as completely his prerogative to do what he likes. He has said he just wants to see how our date goes first. So fingers crossed he is normal!

lily why are you having second thoughts about fab date on fri?

Totally agree about the looks thing. Someone who can make me laugh and engage me in good conversation has always been far more attractive to me than a typically 'good looking' man. Likewise I easily become quickly unattracted to a good looking guy with a shit personality
I was really unsure I'd fancy my now bf in the flesh from his pics but I wanted to meet him purely because I liked his personality so much from his messages. Luckily when I saw him in real life I really did fancy him 😍

I think it's a mistake to be too fussy re looks at the swiping stage. All of the guys I've dated properly (all over 50) have been a lot easier on the eye in the flesh than in photos. Looks come with a personality and the latter is much more important. Following a match, I then establish their real height during messaging (just telling them mine at 5'9" weeds them out lol!). If they then show any sort of wit and ability to communicate I move quickly to meeting - my record being 8 hours, leading to a highly enjoyable 7 month fling.

The only issue this approach has not warded off is men who are toothless/smelly/very different in shape or age in reality. But moving quickly to meeting means not too much time has been wasted. And it makes a good story.

Hi I’d like to join too.
I’ve been old for a good few months with various degrees of success. However I’ve been speaking to a guy since the beginning of January. We get along great but he has a lot going on in his life atm. He gets along great with his ex for the sake of his kids he says. It all seems amicable, but I’m kind of struggling to see where and how I’d fit into his life.

I've had about 50 people looking at my profile since I put my photo up and I'm trying not to be fussy with regards to looks - especially as my own photo is so bad - but by the time I remove the ones that are the other side of the country, too young, without photos there are only 13 left and as none of them messaged or winked I'm guessing they're not that interested in me! I'm guessing that men on old aren't shy about approaching women?

Interesting discussion about looks. I'm looking in the 45 to 55 range.
I weed out those who have made no effort with their photos or profile. Like the ones who have one selfie of themselves scowling at the camera. If they're scruffy, very overweight and their house looks untidy then I'm not interested, no matter how witty they might be.

That rules out about 80% of men for me. The rest I tend to reject because they can't communicate - think lol is a witty reply to everything.
And the ones I've met I ended up saying no thanks to because they looked at lot older than their photos, had missing/rotten teeth or had nothing interesting to say.

Maybe it's just the over 50s around here, but the choice is quite dire.