Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@helpmeoutout meant to also say the comment about you being lucky to find him is a little below the belt though, surely he's lucky to have found you?!!

@wishywashy6

I worte that thread back in early/mid Jan and if I'm honest I still dont see how it can be said that we are moving too fast, surely it's normal to talk all the time when you are excited about someone new? to smile at receiving a good morning/night text? also it's now been almost 12 weeks (not that I'm counting) and i have seen him on a handful of dates and have only just dtd last night.

He told me he wanted to be exclusive and was no longer talking to anyone else after the first date. I thoguht the exact same thing but i didn't say it back I just sort of nodded and said okay lol. I was honestly taken aback by his ability to just speak his mind. On the first date i thought he had no reason to lie, because i didn't ask him to not talk to anyone else and it wasn't like he was suggesting i do the same, he was jsut telling me his plan.

How 'serious' is your relationship now? Are you exclusive?

He told me about a month ago he was officially deleting the app, and i said i was ready too as well. We are exclusive and we have discussed what our future might look like together.

I understand being concerned, but the comment about me being lucky in reference to me already having a child i think was offensive. There have also been other comments about my child which made me feel she was hinting that i was abandoning my child to go on dates...i'll reiterate that we have been on about 5/6 dates and i always put my child to bed before i leave and i'm the first face my child sees when they wake up.

goodness me, sorry for the long post. I think I'm in a ranty mood and increasingly annoyed with my friend, I will have to speak to her

Sounds a bit of jealousy from your friend @helpmeoutout but I would watch the being exclusive so early on.

Only from experience, my ex did that after our first date and I thought it was great as I felt the same. He said "he was putting all his eggs in one basket with me"

Yeah that was a huge lie!

I'm not saying it's similar, but just be careful. I'm sure I've read on here that's often seen as a red flag?

@lifegoes agree with you except there was no onus on me to say it back at that stage, he just told me how he felt, and i totally understood, but jsut didnt say it back. we had been speaking 4/5 hours a day for about 2 weeks before we actually met, and as soon as i saw him i just felt he was right for me. Writing it sounds very cheesy/chidlish, but i guess i can't help how i felt. At the point when he said it he wasn't asking for exclusivity and we were both on the app still, and i was okay with that.

Still don't understand why friend would be jealous though. We usually get on so well and I have always supported her for the big changes and events in her life.

Sorry, above when i wrote that he wanted to be exclusive and was no longer talking to anyone else, these were separate events. First he told me he wasnt talking to anyone else anymore and then a few weeks ago we discussed exclusivity and deleted app.
Hope that makes sense

@helpmeoutout I get that, I was exactly the same. It's lovely when you have those amazing feelings and he feels the same.

I wouldn't think too much into your friend, as you say you've been friends a long time. She could have things going on herself. Plus sometimes friends getting worried and can see things we often can't.

I'm sure when she sees its the real thing, she'll be happy for you.

Hello everyone, glad to read the positive stories!
Happy Birthday to lovemusic
So since I last posted, my date night and day for last night and today got cancelled and rearranged for next week (tues-wed) I still think the excuse is piss poor though.

We talked and he said that he only wants to see me, he thinks what we have is worth the disruption of having to go 2/3 weeks without seeing each other and that whats gone on will settle down and we can start a pattern of having a night/day a week together. But I'm still annoyed he cancelled, the reason to cancel was no longer there. I said I missed him and he asked why?! He said he misses me too sometimes, BUT, and I know it makes me sound needy, I want attention from the person I'm seeing. I want to be made to feel wanted and desired which im not feeling. I have quite a high sex drive and I do enjoy a bit of "smutty" banter, especially when it's been over 2 weeks but again he's not interested In talking about it, but is very keen on sex when we are together.

Again when ive raised my thoughts this week I've been told to chill out and that I'm over thinking and negative

So out of annoyance I have accepted a meet up for a drink tonight with someone I have been talking to.

@Lydiathetattooedlady think you are perfectly in the right to want to see him and want attention.

I've missed previous posts why can't he see you?

I don't believe words only actions. I find it's very easy for men to say they miss you and want you etc. But then do nothing about it.

If I want someone or miss them, I do what I can to see them regardless. I make time.

@lifegoes Yes I echo you there, it's like when people say they are are too busy for you when really they just haven't made you a priority.

I'm a bit confused about why he cancelled though @Lydiathetattooedlady

@lifegoes I have been ill with a viral infection and so has my youngest dc. Both requiring trips to OOH. When we were talking on mon/Tues, can't remember now, he was concerned as his dc(2) had been ill with a cold he didn't want to catch something from me and then pass it on. I went back to work wed and apart from still having a bit of a cough I feel fine. I can't decide which of us is being unreasonable.

He asked me yesterday when I finished work and if I was still off tomorrow (today) so stupidly though he might be wanting to go ahead but nothing came from it, so I don't know why he asked??

For someone as well who doesn't seem that bothered about us missing time together he is a bit jealous of me going out but does it in a subtle way. It's like he's interested...But not??

@helpmeoutout I think I became super cautious after my last relationship which ended up really toxic so I was on red flag alert for a while with my now bf. Still not found any yet! So while I felt everything you've said you're feeling, it took me longer to say it out loud.
How you describe things seems normal (to me) and although you're still very much in the getting to know each other phase there's nothing wrong with stating how you both feel and seeing a future together. I too found that a bit weird with my bf as he wears his heart on his sleeve and without being too mushy and soppy, he's never made me doubt his feelings towards me.

I think next time your friend says something that makes you go you should have a talk with her. It may be she's a bit jealous (maybe the excitement of a new relationship) or maybe it does come from a good place and it's just coming out wrong.

And good luck with your relationship, he sounds lovely!

thank you @wishywashy6 i am slowly getting there with showing my emotions as well, after being hurt so many times it turns you in to a right bitch. thankfully he is very open with me and that is helping me open up a bit more too.

@Lydiathetattooedlady

This sounds like an ex of mine 😂😂

Always said the right things, but yet couldn't make time. There was always some excuse

If I went out he'd always drop unnecessary remarks but make out he was just joking. He blatantly wasn't.

I don't think you are being unreasonable AT ALL! you want to see him, you want to spend time with him. Unless he ups his game I would try and keep busy, do what's good for you. You deserve someone who makes time for you, just like you would for him. Don't settle for less than you deserve 😘

My date with MrTeacher for Saturday has changed venue, from a pub to his house, after our snog the other day. We did a very unexpected bit of sexting last night, and to say I'm looking forward to seeing him is an understatement He is very nice, but I'm trying not to get too emotionally invested.

Can I just ask, do any of you kind of lay down any ground rules or anything before you dtd with someone? What I mean is, obviously contraception (condoms) has to be discussed (or if not specifically discussed it has to come up at some point!), but other stuff like boundaries, expectations or anything? Obviously I've met him on and OLD site, and whilst I don't think he seems the type, I feel a bit yuk about dtd with someone who is also dtd with other people. I'm also wondering if you specifically discuss what you will or won't do?

TheSheep I always carry condoms so there are no excuses. Other than that I play it by ear. Very excited for you!

Thanks Batshit

I have condoms and thought I'd take those with me to be sure. I don't drink (and would be driving anyway), so I figured I should be safe enough in going to his house. He's really sweet, actually, so I'm not worried about my safety at all. I'm petrified about actually dtd, though! It will be the first time since my marriage broke up, and the first time with someone different for 20 years. I guess it hasn't changed that much, though

@TheSheepHaveEyes I'd let things happen naturally and try and relax - don't assume he's going to make a beeline for your bumhole, if that's what you're worried about, and if he does, I'd just say "I'm not really into that" and direct his attentions elsewhere.

Overthinking and trying to preempt what may or may not happen is going to be a bit of a passion killer for you. As for expectations... I always expect oral to be reciprocated, it's just manners 😳

I had condoms with me for my first date with MrAbs - it was at his house (I know, I know...), but he was already prepared - obviously not his first rodeo...

I'm still with MrAbs - 3 months and counting, my first OLD... My green eyed monster raises its head occasionally much to my shame, but he's very good at reassuring me. I'm well and truly smitten, completely over invested and loving it.

He still jokes that it's the longest ONS he's ever had and I tell him that he's a cracking FWB. Of course neither is true, we've booked a mini break with our children (who get on like a house on fire) during the Easter holidays.

So nice going out with a proper grown up who remembers to refill the ice cube tray/replaces loo roll/can book a whole holiday for 5 people and not forget anything. It's the little things as they say and the sex is still 💥, so I've got no complaints, other than he's a bugger for counting the calories of everything

Great to see the thread so active and people sacking off idiots straight away.

Good luck to all those with dates lined up for the weekend. 🤞

I wish we could name and shame some of the idiots we come across on OLD.
I noticed someone nice looking had viewed my profile on POF. So I thought I'd send him a message. But it won't let me. He'll only accept messages from women aged 18 to 45.

How old is he? 51

I now have a quick coffee date with an iron - I'll call him Mr Sailor - tomorrow afternoon. Mr I/S on Sunday morning/afternoon. FWB possibly Sunday evening 😳 however hard I try I can't get the dates spaced out 😂

It would be great if it was like trip advisor and you could leave reviews 😂

TheSheep I agree with the PPs, don't stress too much.
I was also sober /driving and the only one carrying protection for the ones I met. Like riding a bike but more fun hopefully. I hope you have a lovely time. My weekend plans have been rained off because my iron has lurgy, but I'm fairly confident we'll pick back up once he's match fit

And I didn't discuss condoms, just produced them and made clear they were part of the deal. No quibbles, I think it was taken as a very good sign of erm enthusiastic consent I'm a planner

Oh my Gaaahd!
I am having the most horrendous time with OLD at the moment!

First we have the bloke who flounced off because I hadn't texted him for 5 hours a couple of days ago....

Then we have Mr Urbanite, whom I was supposed to meet tomorrow, who didn't get in touch for ages, THEN said he was still up for it - I said I was still up for the gig if he let me know about getting tickets ASAP, THEN he didn't get back to me for a couple of days, NOW he's just messaged me saying he's "ill" . Seriously, out of all the people I've been talking to he seemed like the best fit for me, and I was really interested in meeting him. But now I just cannot be arsed to engage any more.

So then, I came back home thinking "I'll have a chat with this lovely, sane- sounding bloke I've been talking to on OKC" - only to find he's blocked me and disappeared!

And nobody interesting on Bumble, either.

Officially ironless.

Fucking hell.

crack honestly OLD can be a pile d shit at times.I’m with iron this eve, have had it up to the eyeballs with this now.Going to have to knock it on the head tomorrow and start again with OLD and try and find some new irons...