Social Services and boyfriend moving back in.

[jj1234565]

I am involved with social services and have been involved with them for the last 15 months due to my Ex boyfriend not doing what they say i.e attend certain courses. The reason I am still not here brooks is because I haven't ruled out ever getting back with him. We were on PLO but have recently been downgraded to Child Protection. There has been two incidents of domestic assault because of drugs. Both of which he has been to court for and pleaded guilty and served his time etc. I have spoken to social services RE getting back with him because he has sorted himself out and is now taking part and doing all the courses and is drug free and working full-time. (I don't need any advice on who I should or shouldn't be with.) - They have told him/us that if he does complete the work they ask that they could consider letting us get back together. I.e living together. Does anyone know if they are just playing him along, would they ever let us be together and live in the same home.

Your poor children

@Ethel80

Social services probably had the talk in a calm way and they decided they might take the kids away and OP still doesn't take it seriously, so.....

Not allowing dangerous men near your children is "perfect"? That's a low bar.

Note to self @OP - don't post something if you don't want to answers that you don't want to hear and then flounce off

Also, becoming agitated and commenting on the posters who have bothered to reply to you might be because you know they are speaking the truth and you don't want to listen?

@Boysandbuses but how is what just happened helping the situation? Shouting at people, telling them they're a shit parent etc etc achieves nothing.

Just in case OP comes back.

HE DIDN"T DO THE WORK - tells you all you need to know about how important his kids are to him.

Of course you can be with him and have him move back in, but your kids won't be there because other people are looking out for their welfare.

I probably am old compared to you but with age comes wisdom! (No offence to those that are young and wise)

I have an opinion and I’m only 29 😁

Your boyfriend is a drug using thug, and you don’t like people’s view on it

Are they stringing him along

I really really hope so.

but how is what just happened helping the situation? Shouting at people, telling them they're a shit parent etc etc achieves nothing.

No one is shouting. It's the written word. And she is a being a shit parent at the moment. Pussy footing round her isn't going to help the kids, is it?

Social services are on it. Hopefully if she realises that this behaviour is unacceptable she will wake up.

I am old . You get old, you start to appreciate the low hassle, low drama option more. Life is too short.

Why don't you love your children enough to put them first?

@explodingkitten maybe so.

The thing is, what has just happened here isn't for benefit of the OP and her children. It was a pile on and had ensured that she won't ask for advice here again.

There are many complex reasons why people stay/go back to abusive relationships. Some people have no experience of healthy relationships, no modeling of how they should be and how they deserve to be treated. She might be shit scared of the future, she might be so low and broken by him that she can't see past him or she might genuinely believe that he can change. Some people do.

She asked about social services and whether they'll ever allow him back in the home and very few people attempted to work through that with her.

I can understand the frustration and the need to tell someone who is doing something foolish or dangerous that they're being fucking stupid but it achieves nothing.

Ok. Just curious. I assume you have a Solicitor if there was a PLO. What was their advice to you about the boyfriend?

Well no, a life that has been 'downgraded to Child Protection' is certainly not perfect, that's not actually a good thing OP!

Aw, poor kids. Maybe ss will take them into care an abusive man is more important to their mum, than her kids, such a shame, they deserve at least one good parent. makes me want to weep.

@Boysandbuses I didn't advocate pussyfooting around her but do think that trying to engage with the OP is a better plan but clearly I'm in the minority.

Carry on everyone, top work. 👍

I am proud to be an opinionated old woman. The reason I have opinions is because I lost my rose coloured spectacles a long time ago and now see things as they are , and say things as I see them.

And in my experience

A)very few drug users or alcoholics for that matter stop for good.

B)most drug users and alcoholics put their need for drugs and alcohol above every other consideration.

C) children, contrary to popular belief are not tough. They are fragile emotionally and their bones break easily too

D) women who tie themselves to drug and alcohol abusers are often women whose view of what relationships should be is skewed. They are not "bad" people as such but often have extremely low self esteem ,and are so grateful for crumbs of recognition that they ignore the danger that they put themselves and their children in.

Is that opinionated enough for you OP?

If being with him is that important to you it may be worth looking into other options for your children. They may benefit from starting afresh with a new family. I'm not saying this to be spiteful - just pointing out that it's a possibility worth considering. Not everyone is suited to parenthood.

Less of the ‘old’ bollocks please.
Opinionated...er, this is AIBU?

“Just seen your update. Many of these opinionated old women work with children, are social workers, family Solicitors etc. Some. have probably been where you are now. ”

This, this & thrice this

Don’t you feel that you deserve better? That your children deserve a safe loving household?? This man will attack you again

Waaaaahhhh. I didn't get validating, supportive posts saying my recently clean, violent druggie boyfriend should most definitely be allowed back into my home with my child(ren) so I must flounce! I will look for validation elsewhere.

Honestly.

He hasn't been clean long enough or on the straight and narrow long enough for you to be even considering this. Plus he refused to do the work required to do so.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You are running a huge risk. I think it is extremely unlikely SS will support his return. Their priority will be the children.
In a mere 15 months too, it nowhere near long enough.
Keep him out of your lives and family home if you want to keep your children op.