Social Services and boyfriend moving back in.

[jj1234565]

I am involved with social services and have been involved with them for the last 15 months due to my Ex boyfriend not doing what they say i.e attend certain courses. The reason I am still not here brooks is because I haven't ruled out ever getting back with him. We were on PLO but have recently been downgraded to Child Protection. There has been two incidents of domestic assault because of drugs. Both of which he has been to court for and pleaded guilty and served his time etc. I have spoken to social services RE getting back with him because he has sorted himself out and is now taking part and doing all the courses and is drug free and working full-time. (I don't need any advice on who I should or shouldn't be with.) - They have told him/us that if he does complete the work they ask that they could consider letting us get back together. I.e living together. Does anyone know if they are just playing him along, would they ever let us be together and live in the same home.

Very true about the violence being a separate issue to the addiction. I know loads of sober alcoholics, but i don't know any violent people.

@thighofrelief101

I think it's probably likely you do know some violent people, the rate of domestic abuse and violence in this country is truly staggering.

Angela maybe so, i don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I do know a lot of people who have conquered addictions who have not been violent though. I think they're two separate issues.

PanamaPattie
Good luck OP. I hope everything works out for you and your DC. I hope your BF stays off drugs and behaves himself. Your happiness is important to you. I expect everything will be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?

Are you serious? What do you think could be the worst that could happen with an aggressive drug addict in the home? I agree that OP's happiness is important but not to the detriment of her children FFS.

I think you should do your children a favour and put them into care. Then you have carte blanche to have the scumbag back in your life. Win/win.

@silverysurfer

I detect quite a dose of sarcasm in panamapatties post

@thighofrelief101

Definitely. I just think that most people would be surprised if they knew what went on behind closed doors. My ex was much nicer to friends and neighbours than me! I think they'd have been shocked what he was like as soon as the front door shut.

There's a lot of women on here (old or not so old) who have opinions on child protection issues because professionally or personally we have been affected by situations exactly like the OP's, and in many cases have had to pick up the pieces when it all goes horribly wrong

Ted27 Upon re-reading PanamaPattie's post I think you're right - sorry - please ignore the first part of my response.

Easy pick IMO

Kids or him

Which is most important to you as there is no way in hell you should or would be allowed both.

I am a tiny bit old, but don’t clog up the internet.

Dump him and focus on your children. Why the fuck would you pick this scumbag over your precious children?

@OlennasWimple

There's a lot of women on here (old or not so old) who have opinions on child protection issues because professionally or personally we have been affected by situations exactly like the OP's, and in many cases have had to pick up the pieces when it all goes horribly wrong

Exactly this. I feel like this about my DDs' birth mum. And we're also the ones who will have to help our DDs understand it all.

This is what I think, honestly...

I think you should let your children go. I think you should say or do whatever it takes to have them taken into care.

Best case scenario is that they’ll be fostered/adopted by loving and caring people.

Worst case; they end up with someone similar to you.

I know that sounds cruel and I’m sorry for it. But you’re going to move this man back into your life. Nothing will change your mind. I don’t know why that is, but you won’t prioritise your dc over him. You just won’t. And it’s not fair on them, they don’t deserve what they’ve already been through and they don’t deserve to be dragged back into this mess you’ve made.

He will do something to you again. He could possibly kill you, or them, or both.

At least if they’re taken they have a shot in hell of a halfway decent life.

The one thing you can do for them is let them go and experience what real, healthy parenting is.