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Original poster

Social Services and boyfriend moving back in.

237 replies

jj1234565 · 10/02/2019 15:59

I am involved with social services and have been involved with them for the last 15 months due to my Ex boyfriend not doing what they say i.e attend certain courses. The reason I am still not here brooks is because I haven't ruled out ever getting back with him. We were on PLO but have recently been downgraded to Child Protection. There has been two incidents of domestic assault because of drugs. Both of which he has been to court for and pleaded guilty and served his time etc. I have spoken to social services RE getting back with him because he has sorted himself out and is now taking part and doing all the courses and is drug free and working full-time. (I don't need any advice on who I should or shouldn't be with.) - They have told him/us that if he does complete the work they ask that they could consider letting us get back together. I.e living together. Does anyone know if they are just playing him along, would they ever let us be together and live in the same home.

OP posts:
B3ck89 · 10/02/2019 16:10

Sounds to me like he don’t give a toss if he wasn’t cooperating with SS and what’s a PLO?

PrawnOfCreation · 10/02/2019 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 10/02/2019 16:11

PLO is public law outline- where the local authority have enough evidence to believe the children are at risk of such significant harm removal is recommended

BitchQueen90 · 10/02/2019 16:11

Of course you have chosen him over your children. If you were truly putting your children first you wouldn't even consider getting back together with him.

TakemebacktoClifton · 10/02/2019 16:11

FGS put your bloody children first! Kick him to the kerb and find someone decent. Why would you put your children through this again?!

forumdonkey · 10/02/2019 16:12

would never choose him over my children

Yet here you are asking advice about getting him to be allowed to live with you and your DC's

poppingoff · 10/02/2019 16:13

Can you really not do any better than a violent, selfish, drug user?

I would just stay single if that's the case.

B3ck89 · 10/02/2019 16:14

Thankyou I had no idea what it meant.
Well that makes it even worse Hmm

explodingkitten · 10/02/2019 16:14

I have done what is asked, and would never choose him over my children. I have attended EVERY meeting, EVERY course.

Well drug users fall back more often than they stay clean. I wouldn't believe it till he's been proven clean about ten years tbh. So you might just have to kick this gods gift to women out of your life. Attending meetings doesn't mean that you understand how severe this is. You should do more thean is asked of you.

Ethel80 · 10/02/2019 16:15

I do agree with what the others are saying by the way and you should never let this man back into your lives but I suspect you're going to anyway.

You will be taking a massive risk, you have come very close to losing your kids.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you got so close to removal of your children. It's up to you if you're honest here but it might do you some good to see it written down and hear other people's reaction to it.

What did he do and how often?

Apart from being off drugs and getting a job, how is he different. Has he given up using before and for how long? If so, why did he relapse?

Really think hard about whether this man is worth it? What's so brilliant about him that means you'll risk everything to have him in your life?

MakeItAmazing · 10/02/2019 16:17

I am child whose mother chose a boyfriend over her. It ended very badly.

Katterinaballerina · 10/02/2019 16:17

You’ve been through a lot to protect yourself and your DC. You’re coming out the other side. Is he really worth having to go through all that again? Having SS involved because he can’t be bothered to do what they ask? You have every right to choose who you want to be with but don’t you deserve a bit of peace and not having everything be such a struggle?

Boysandbuses · 10/02/2019 16:18

In 15 months he refused to do the courses. Then you had to do all the restraining order etc.
Then he did the courses and got clean got a job and promoted......all in 15 months....and he has been clean for long enough to know relapse is a small risk?

YogaWannabe · 10/02/2019 16:20

Bit of a crazy, post modern idea here but you could put your children first and get rid of this loser, for fuck sake.

Original poster
jj1234565 · 10/02/2019 16:21

Note to self: The internet is full of opinionated old woman. I won't see any reply to this as I won't be looking back. If I wanted advice on who I should be with, I would have asked. We can't all live perfect lives. Goodbye.

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 10/02/2019 16:21

Would never choose him over my children.

Which is exactly what you’re doing if you get back together/move him in.

Are you that stupid?

mimibunz · 10/02/2019 16:23

Actually, yes, you do need advice on who to be with. Your children deserve better than you and your violent boyfriend.

poppingoff · 10/02/2019 16:23

One opinionated old woman clogging up the whole internet.

That'll be my nan 🙄

Ethel80 · 10/02/2019 16:23

@jj1234565 Have you even read my post? I haven't attacked you but I have given you advice about the risks you are taking and what you need to consider like how long he has been clean for.

You really really need to think hard about this and the possible implications of taking him back, I thought that was the point of the thread?

Boysandbuses · 10/02/2019 16:24

Note to self: The internet is full of opinionated old woman. I won't see any reply to this as I won't be looking back. If I wanted advice on who I should be with, I would have asked. We can't all live perfect lives. Goodbye

Ah yes, if you believe that a man who is a drug user and violent and need a restraining ordeebto the point their children have almost been taken away, should be kept away from the kids you are old and opinionated.

Firstly not everyone who posts here is a woman, we are varying ages and you asked for opinions.

Simple fact is that you would put your children's safety down the list of priorities, so you can have regular sex on tap.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 10/02/2019 16:25

Just seen your update. Many of these opinionated old women work with children, are social workers, family Solicitors etc. Some. have probably been where you are now.

If that’s your attitude, you deserve everything that’s coming to you. I feel sorry for your children.

Ethel80 · 10/02/2019 16:25

For the people getting the pitchforks out and attacking the OP, well done. Have you got the outcome you wanted? Was there no way of having this conversation in a calm and measured way?

BitchQueen90 · 10/02/2019 16:26

I'm 28. Am I old? Shock

Boysandbuses · 10/02/2019 16:27

Ethel80 no, people who act like this should be ashamed.

explodingkitten · 10/02/2019 16:27

Well, at least we know that social services is on it. Seeing as that OP won't listen to good advice means that the children will be taken into safety. I don't envy them but it's better than the alternative.