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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it ok for my bf to say this....

237 replies

Pinkypie22 · 09/02/2019 18:48

'I'm a big man. No one can tell me what to do. I behave in a way that I find acceptable. I can do what I like.'

This was in response to me saying that perhaps we wouldn't argue if he behaved in an acceptable way. (He always accuses me of arguing if ever ask a question or don't follow his Instructions).

This exchange came about because this morning he asked me to call his daughter and ask to borrow some money. The money is for him, not me. I didn't want to but I can't lend it him so reluctantly agreed. I said i would message rather than call as its less pressurusing for her. He was ok with that. Until she didn't read the message straight away so he hung up on me. He came back in a strop, snapped at me when I asked if was going to the gym. Then he left without a word. He came back a couple of hours later, barely spoke to me other that to tell me he was going to his mums because I couldn't lend him my old phone as its not charging properly. Of course he was annoyed about that roo.

After he made his 'I can do what I like' speech he stormed out the house. Having told me earlier that he won't be back until tomorrow evening, missing a family party he said he would come to.

Is this just me being over sensitive and over thinking? Or am I right to be upset at how he behaved? I've lost all perspective 😞

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/02/2019 19:39

It's all abuse

AnyFucker · 09/02/2019 19:39

It's passed waaaaay over into abuse already

Please don't let your child grow up to think this is normal (like you obviously do)

OlennasWimple · 09/02/2019 19:41

Read this on the Women's Aid website about domestic abuse

Then, when it is safe for you to do so, consider how and when (not if) you are going to go about leaving him

Flowers
poppingoff · 09/02/2019 19:43

Get out now, before your baby is any older. Or that will be the next excuse for you - that your child will miss him. Although no child will miss that negative, toxic atmosphere. But you'll think they will.

He's a colossal twat.

trulybadlydeeply · 09/02/2019 19:45

End it. End it now. Having a baby together is no reason to keep giving him chances, however it is a very good reason to end this relationship. This is no situation in which to be bringing up a baby - who will learn that this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

You and your baby are worth so much more. This man does not deserve a partner and a baby.

I wonder what his daughter thinks of him? I hope she didn't lend him any money.

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 19:45

Get out NOW!!

It is not as impossible as you think. I promise

I waited and it gets worse and more difficult. Believe me.

It is abuse but the label is immaterial. You don’t want to me with him. You don’t want to live your life this way. And neither do you want your baby to witness such a life. That’s enough. You are allowed to make that choice

glamorousgrandmother · 09/02/2019 19:45

It's abuse now and looks like it has been for some time. Leave.

Mysterycat23 · 09/02/2019 19:49

What's the acceptable number of times to be shouted at, told you're an idiot, blamed for things that aren't your fault, treated like property.. in a loving happy relationship?

ZERO.

Baby will have a better chance at life without that abusive monster around.

overjoyedmumma · 09/02/2019 19:50

From my experience, get out whilst you can. Some very controlling behaviour in what you just described. Sounds to me like the type of guy that expects everything handed to him, nothings his fault, it’s all everybody else’s problem to deal with. Do not let somebody treat you that way, it never ends well. You will wind up being brainwashed to thinking that you are the problem, that maybe if you hadn’t of spoke up, or maybe if you weren’t so sensitive. Sorry no. Get rid of him.

TroysMammy · 09/02/2019 19:51

Tell him to fuck off.

Lozzerbmc · 09/02/2019 19:51

This is an abusive relationship and you should take steps to leave it asap. Have you family that can help; get legal advice as to your financial and housing situation. Its rather worrying you asking whether this is ok or not.... its wrong in so many ways

Singlenotsingle · 09/02/2019 19:53

How can it be blown out of proportion? He's way out of line, bullying you and intimidating you. Get rid now before he gets physical. It's not good for the dc either, watching all this happening.

DrMorbius · 09/02/2019 19:54

Op - what relationships have you seen like yours?
You are going to get my first LTB.
You are seriously missing the point, if you need to ask at what arbitrary point did your knob of a BF become abusive.

Lozzerbmc · 09/02/2019 19:56

Think of it this way if your daughter grew up and told you her husband threw things, swore at her, said she should do as told, called her dumb would you think that was ok?

Iamtheworst · 09/02/2019 20:02

For contrast me and DH had a fight this afternoon. I’m furious with him, he’s at work no doubt fuming with me. It was a hum dinger. But there was no name calling, no shouting and i amnt worried about him coming home. When he gets in we’ll sort it out or separate. We’ve always sorted it so far. Oh and Ds was around during the whole argument, was scared or put ina risky situation.

There’s no shame is leaving a relationship, even with a small baby, especially with a small baby.

Are you happier when he’s at his mums? Why is that?

cstaff · 09/02/2019 20:02

Bloody hell OP. How can you even consider this behaviour to be okay. It really isn't.

Japanesejazz · 09/02/2019 20:06

No it isn’t

lifebegins50 · 09/02/2019 20:08

How old his daughter? Just that she is probably pressured to give into him.

Why do you think you deserve this?

flameycakes · 09/02/2019 20:13

Tell the big man to go fuck himself, seriously so big he has you borrow money of his daughter for him. The man has zero balls and sounds like a bloody weasel x

MoonGeek · 09/02/2019 20:23

Please make plans to leave ASAP x

Charley50 · 09/02/2019 20:29

He's abusive. Make plans to kick him out, but safely.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/02/2019 20:29

at what stage does it become abuse

It already is abuse op

1Redacted1 · 09/02/2019 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkypie22 · 09/02/2019 20:32

I just feel so stupid for getting into this situation. I feel like I recognise his behaviour isn't right but something keeps stopping me from asking him to leave

OP posts:
BayandBlonde · 09/02/2019 20:34

My ex, a bodybuilder, once said to me 'you've seen how big I am, how dare you argue or challenge me'

The guy was a fucking idiot and is now off making someone's else life hell. I don't have any sympathy for her either as she was super quick to drop her knickers

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