Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....

149 replies

toffeeapple123 · 09/02/2019 12:18

......???

OP posts:
lifegoes · 09/02/2019 12:24

Liars

SandAndSea · 09/02/2019 12:28

Just because they don't show they're hurt and upset, doesn't mean they're not. I've learnt to speak more gently at those times when I'm tempted to go much larger.

MyFootHurts · 09/02/2019 12:32

The ones i've met don't seem to be at all intuitive, so subtle requests/ hints, that would immediately be picked up by my women friends fall on deaf ears. It would seem they really do need things spelling out for them, but then, they seem quite happy to accede to the request. For example, if i am carrying a hot dish to the table, all my women friends would notice and place the trivet/mat in the right place...men...not so much...i.e. seem to be completely oblivious to the impending hot dish/my hands getting burnt from holding it too long.

TheBouquets · 09/02/2019 12:36

There are a lot of rats who despite divorce years ago still keep barging into your life thinking they have some authority.

On the other side of the coin, there are some really good guys out there who have also suffered. Women are not as perfect as we like to think.

Once such a man is found never rock the boat, life can change drastically with the right person. Don't let anyone rain on your parade, have fun and happiness and let the decryers do all the moaning they want. Likely they have a less than perfect life.

myown2feetaregreat · 09/02/2019 12:36

.....to wish as a young woman, someone had explained about red flags, (not just for men) my life today would be much richer in every sense of the word.
I now truly understand the saying "if I knew then what I knew now"!

Doyoumind · 09/02/2019 12:36

That not all abusers are alcoholics who leave you with black eyes. That was the picture I had in my head when I was younger and a misconception that led to me being in an abusive relationship without realising it.

NotANotMan · 09/02/2019 12:38

How male socialisation and entitlement works.

SandAndSea · 09/02/2019 12:41

@NotANotMan - Can you say more? It sounds interesting.

Bryjam · 09/02/2019 12:43

That's they are not all the same Wink

NotANotMan · 09/02/2019 12:43

I grew up in a house that revolves around dad's moods and wishes. I learnt to appease the man in my life and I've done it in every relationship I've had. Looking back I see that every man I've been with has expected me to do wife work, emotional labour and caretaking to the detriment of my own wishes and needs. I now see that as a pattern related to male (and female) socialisation rather than me choosing individual selfish men.

MyFootHurts · 09/02/2019 12:46

So, so true Notaman

MyFootHurts · 09/02/2019 12:47

Sorry, NotaNotMan

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2019 12:48

That even the most outwardly nappy changing, housework sharing, joint bank account, socialist, charity donating, family oriented ‘new man’ can still have his head turned when they reach mid-life. In my case by an attractive colleague and the promise of a life with less responsibilities and they will drop their wife and partner of 25 years and a few years later their children, including their DS with SN with hardly a backwards glance.

flownthecoopkiwi · 09/02/2019 12:50

How much they crave to be wanted and desired. To feel like someone can't get enough of them, that someone wants them sexually.

I'd never thought about it, thought it was a female insecurity or need, but it's not.

It's a need that drives men to have affairs.

Parthenope · 09/02/2019 12:54

Isn’t that a general human need, flown?

Sarcelle · 09/02/2019 13:00

They are not the be all and end all. Build a life first and then fit one in, don't build your life around one.

dudsville · 09/02/2019 13:02

I don't know about "men" but I wish I knew that most people improve with age and not to settle down so young and fret over the difficulties that arise because of youth and inexperience.

WeakAsIAm · 09/02/2019 14:26

They are really simple, not in a offensive way.
But yep so basic don't over think them, if they haven't rang it's not some complex game, the thought never crossed their mind. When the thought of you does cross their mind, bingo contact.
Same thought process for everything, simple beings all of them easy to predict.

MikeUniformMike · 09/02/2019 14:29

They can be dickheads.

NorthEndGal · 09/02/2019 14:34

That they are just as vulnerable as us, but they show it in different ways

NameChangeNugget · 09/02/2019 16:53

That they are pretty simple creatures with theiir needs

Nodrama999 · 09/02/2019 16:56

I wished I knew what a BJ was before I agreed. I was 16 and didn’t have a clue, was left very red faced whilst he mistook my shock when he pulled his trousers down and grinned widely.
I felt as though he had been put out so I blew on it and ran out of the room

Solstice888 · 09/02/2019 16:56

Red flags of a potential narcissist (narcissistic personality disorder) however this would have been useful to learn in general as female friends/workplace bullies ect can certainly have the disorder too.

FlightOfFancy9 · 09/02/2019 17:00

That men want to please the women they care about. Let them. It makes them happy.

FlightOfFancy9 · 09/02/2019 17:00

If you can’t tell he likes you, he probably doesn’t.

Swipe left for the next trending thread