What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....

[toffeeapple123]

......???

Nah not buying it. I have a lovely kind, considerate DH and two lovely sons. No man has ever particularly hurt me so no axe to grind and not particularly “bitter” (how I hate that word).

In my opinion men are mostly fairly simple souls who just want to be loved and basically mothered. The ones who aren’t like that, the game players, are the ones who are dangerous.

DH is gorgeous, fit, charming and rich. He could basically have his pick. He seems perfectly happy with middle aged frumpy me who cooks him nice food, enjoys sex, gives him space to donhis thing and is generally kind to him.

My eldest boy has had his heart, not so much broken as torn out of his chest, ripped to pieces and stamped on. He has done a bit of rebound, not very nice womanising over the past year and taken a fair amount of talking round, but he’s okay now; just looking for a nice, kind girl to crack on the rest of his life with.

I tell my girls, who ultimately want their own families, to only get serious with men who had a good upbringing and know how to be a proper dad. Some of the lads they brought home when they were younger didn’t seem to have a clue how families work.

@SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad nice to know you have so much personal experience being a woman.

Sorry singledad that's much too simplistic and cheesy, and somewhat patronising and minimising and actually dangerous.

Whilst some comments on here are trivial, and silly ( tongue in cheek?) or light hearted shock horror! There is an implication in your post which rehashes an old male powerplay: it's your fault girls.

Women who are abused are not to blame because they are not self aware enough. They are abused because the person who is the perpetrator is a criminal.

So much hatred here. Do you all hate your sons?

I don’t hat my son but I do hate the fact that already he has been exposed to the kind of toxic masculinity and male priviege which could shape the kind of man he becomes.
I hate the fact that I may not be able to protect him from the idea that men viewing porn is normal behaviiur, that prostitution is just another kind of ‘work’ and that his potential future partners will pick up all the emotional and domestic labour because he ‘just doesn’t see it’.

Criticism of male behaviour isn't hatred.

If the worst thing that happens to a man is him not being liked, then he's got it pretty damn good.

Here are some facts:
Faithfulness: "The 2006 American General Social Survey found that nearly twice as many married men as women admitted to having had sexual relations with someone other than their spouse.
The UK's last major study of sexual behaviour - the 2000 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal) - found that 15% of men had had "overlapping" relationships in the previous year, but only 9% of women"
Abuse: "One woman in four experiences domestic violence in her lifetime. Office for National Statistics (2016)
Two women are killed each week by a current or former partner in England and Wales
Office for National Statistics (2016) Compendium
In the year ending March 2016, 1.2 million women reported experiences of domestic abuse in England and Wales
Office for National Statistics (2016)
Whilst this number is shocking, we also know it is grossly underestimated. The cap on the number of violent crimes published, set at five per victim, means that even if a woman experienced 100 incidents of domestic violence, only five would make it into the official data. Thanks to research... were the cap to be removed, the number of incidents of domestic violence would increase by approximately 70%."

Women are not the ones who are doing the hating.

This thread was started as a lighthearted chat. Sorry to derail, but I don't think its OK to be told about women hating men the minute someone talks about duvet covers or even delves into their personal hurtful experience.

That they're not mysterious and hard to attract.

I think women have higher expectations than men, of everything. Themselves, their homes, their bodies, their social life, their children, their food, their relationships.

More often men accept themselves and the world the way it is. Women examine in more detail.

Obviously this is a generalisation, and just what I have noticed, women are somehow less satisfied, men are more content. Possibly the effects of the patriarchy

That men, as a class, are everything people on here have said they are.

But that, as individuals, they are also everything that people on here have said they are.

I recently met someone. On our third date, he was telling me about something that happened several years ago that had been emotionally very difficult for him. He cried.

A man cried on our third date. He apologised afterwards in case it had made me feel uncomfortable and hugged me when I said it was ok and I understood. He has revealed a couple of insecurities - I've never had a man reveal insecurities before. Not in a needy way but we all have little insecurities. He made himself vulnerable to me. I could have laughed. I could have taken the piss. I could have walked away. But he took a chance and I respect him hugely for it.

My son is a wonderful man. He's also kind, respectful, sensitive and cares deeply about those around him. He's not perfect, but he is a good man.

That the truth is that many of them want to behave as if they are single when they are out, want to go out drinking whenever they like but also want someone at home to turn to when they want someone to talk to and to cook and clean for them.

That many are liars and will say any old crap to keep you sweet.

That quite a lot of them have a cocklodger gene in them.

Interesting thead. Much of the hatey stuff (my own included if I was to indulge it) is about fidelity. But isn't it time we faced up to the fact that long term monogamy (or even short term monogamy) doesnt really work for a lot of people? It's like everyone believing they can be a top athlete just by joining the gym - ie most people will fail and feel disappointed. A more realistic view of relationships would mean less disappointment, pain and anger.
And btw although a LOT of men do cheat I think the number of women who do same is far higher than advertised and probably similar to men. Women are just miles better at getting away with it because we don't want people to get hurt and are careful. Plus men are less naturally suspicious and prone to stalking, just as they don't waste hours on end thinking 'what did she really mean when she said that?' Etc

But isn't it time we faced up to the fact that long term monogamy (or even short term monogamy) doesnt really work for a lot of people?

Yes I think it is.

That there are far more cocklodgers out there than people probably realise. Being a gold digger has always been viewed as a female trait, but there are a significant number of male ones around

As the mother of a young man and woman this thread has left me breathless.
If a man were to post it about females I can't imagine what a metaphoric kicking he would get on here. goes off to Google opposite of mysoginist

That the vast majority of men would cheat given half the chance.

That they are totally bamboozled by attractive women and allow themselves to be /don't realise that they can be easily manipulated by them.

That most of them are total misogynists and want a nice woman at home, cooking dinner.

They don't value women's opinions as much as men's.

They subconsciously /consciously patronise women all the time.

They use their physical height as a tool to intimidate, especially with other blokes.

We may as well still be on the fucking tundra tbh

If the worst thing that happens to a man is him not being liked, then he's got it pretty damn good.

^^

Well said.

That 154% are lying, cheating, misogynist, wife-beaters, other than David Attenborough because he’s ok.

I wouldn't worry Monty the platitudes trotted out on here are done so by some very bitter individuals. Hopefully your son won't actually meet anyone like that.

We may as well still be on the fucking tundra tbh

Yeah well I rather prefer the cost house, central heated house I have that is connected to the national grid and sanitation etc, all designed and built by you guess it, men. But they're nothing but shit to us women.

To the OP, would say if a man is the jealous type get rid.

That if you don't seem to be fully on the same wavelength as them, that is not because they are a man, and men are different - it's because you are not on the same wavelength as them.

So a lack of understanding is not something you just have to accept or brush away if you want to be with a man. When you realise you're not on the same wavelength, it's worth looking for someone else.

That you can expect more than emotional abuse, narcissistic control and duplicity.
I didn't meet DP til I was 40 and I am AMAZED at what I was willing to accept before.
I had poor role models growing up and very toxic relationships- it's a revelation to be treated well

@crochetmonkey74 - shame that many of the answers on this thread actually reinforce the idea that you can't expect more from men, isn't it?

Women's experiences and trauma aren't bitterness.

Expressing our real experiences seems to make some people uncomfortable enough to call us names.

I was definitely bitter when my ex treated me like shit. Definition:
"Feeling or showing anger, hurt, or resentment because of bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment."
I'm happy to accept that description. Who wouldn't feel that way, when treated like shit?
Doesn't mean that I think all men are shits, though.

WoW so much hate

Us men, in general, are simple folk, who like things to be orderly, and not complicated by emotions.

As for me, I love my darling fiancée, and do everything I can for her. Despite both of us having disabilities, we do the housework between us (admittedly she does more than me), we both share cooking.

I hate that I can't carry the shopping, although I do put the heavy things in my rollator, to make the bags as light as possible.... Mind the gert stuff we get on home shopping (let some other person carry it to our door!).

We have such a similar taste in TV n movies (although I do watch more engineering programme when she has gone to bed).

I've never in any relationship, looked to stray. It not the way I was brought up.... You can blame lots on the state run care homes of the 70/80s, but they instilled how to treat a woman. The abuse was shit, but otherwise ok!

I was raised mainly by female care staff, so that probably helped.

I do think women in general, like a bad boy, but want him to change. When he doesn't change (just like to 2 or 3 before him) you get upset and call all men ignorant n selfish... Nope, just the bad ones you keep choosing. While that nice lad/bloke who is really friendly (probably single too and would love a relationship with a deserving.woman) is left to be a laugh!

I don't eat sprouts... Why?
I ate one and they were shit, so I didn't do it again!

A wise person once said... Repeating the same thing, and expecting a different result, is stupid. Change what you're doing, and the result will change .... Very paraphrased 😉