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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....

149 replies

toffeeapple123 · 09/02/2019 12:18

......???

OP posts:
SynecdocheSussex · 10/02/2019 13:06

I’ve never been to a forum, male or female dominated, where people have such a high opinion of themselves. A lot of you remind me of one of my sisters: fancies herself a complex, empathetic soul, but in reality a broken record who can’t stop talking about herself, to the point we siblings find ourselves regarding every door as an escape hatch.

windowWAG · 10/02/2019 21:51

A lot of you remind me of one of my sisters: fancies herself a complex, empathetic soul, but in reality a broken record who can’t stop talking

MN is not reflective of real life though. It's largely a very concentrated group of very bitter women. You just don't take it seriously. Much like I suspect you do with your sister Wink

certainlymerry · 10/02/2019 21:54

They don’t notice anything. They can’t put duvet covers on a duvet.
Agree that feelings are often not on the surface so it may be wrong to assume they are not upset.
They think they are dying with the smallest thing and like to make a drama of it.

Arealhumanbeing · 10/02/2019 22:47

MN is not reflective of real life though. It's largely a very concentrated group of very bitter women.

I’m not! I see a lot of disappointment and unhappiness around me though. I was in a furniture shop today and most of the men looked ready to give up.

whatsnewchoochoo · 10/02/2019 23:03

What a weird thread? I genuinely don't recognise half the things being said about men here ... men, they are humans - like women. Some are nice, some are not.

(For the record DH always changes the duvet - I don't care enough and am rubbish at all). I also don't have daddy issues .. don't know anyone who does, don't know any men with mummy issues who's sisters don't also have the same issues ..

SunflowerSuit · 10/02/2019 23:04

That you shouldn’t marry them.

MMMMS · 10/02/2019 23:06

that theyre a bunch of pricks and also big fat liars

Singletomingle · 10/02/2019 23:16

The hate for men is strong here, no surprise you have bad experiences.

Missillusioned · 10/02/2019 23:18

Most men are faithful to their woman due to a lack of opportunity to be otherwise rather than moral values.

SunflowerSuit · 10/02/2019 23:18

This

What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....
SunflowerSuit · 10/02/2019 23:20

And this

What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....
lalafafa · 11/02/2019 00:02

There’s definitely a make menopause, get grumpy and don’t want much sex.

Collidascope · 11/02/2019 06:37

That their self confidence is a product of male socialisation and shouldn't be seen as a sign they're right. The number of times I've been directing him in the car or told him something won't work when he's cooking, and he just ignores me, assuming he knows best, so I start to doubt myself too, and then it all goes wrong, and he has to go back and do it the way I told him in the first place.

Hopoindown31 · 11/02/2019 09:15

@SunflowerSuit

I'm not sure that baseless generalisations help much.

It simply isn't true that there aren't women out there who hate men who are actively trying to make men's lives worse and don't distance themselves from men in society, because there are. Often these women feel they have been wronged by men but they do exist.

More importantly it completely fails to account for damaging misogynistic phenomena such as MGTOW which are all about men distancing themselves from women as much as possible.

Shodan · 11/02/2019 09:30

I wish I'd known that men weren't a bunch of lying cheating arseholes who weren't ever to be trusted but you still absolutely had to have one at all times!

Just goes to show that one woman's biased opinion (my mother) can colour an entire viewpoint. Fortunately, from the age of about 17, when I left home, I was able to talk to men and find out what they were really like.

And the answer to that is- they are all individuals. Nice, nasty, liars, honest, happy, grumpy- just like women.

The one thing I found most surprising though is that they can be just as easily hurt as women ( or me, I suppose). I learned that the hard way as I witnessed my 23 year old brother sobbing his heart out when his girlfriend dumped him.

Generalising men does them, and us, a gross disservice.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 11/02/2019 12:39

You do know that men are individual human beings, right? Not just a single, homogenous lump who are identical in every way, because they possess a penis?

Unfortunately, this sort of thread always brings out the worst in both men and women (tobe fair, there are also some good and thoughtful posts on here). I'm also in single dads' groups on Facebook, and - between the posts on doing daughters' hair, and getting toddlers to actually eat something green - this sort of post also crops up. And they're always a magnet for a certain type of man - the sort who hates women, and just wants to tell the world how awful they all are. How they all cheat. How they are all crazy and jealous. Those views usually all come from a place of hurt - a woman hurt them, and now they hate women. Even those with daughters don't understand how harmful their attitudes are.

And it seems that women can be just the same. A man hurt them. Maybe several men. And now they hate men.

Misogyny. Misandry. Racism. Ageism. Religious extremists. Bigots of all kinds are driven by their own prejudices. And, as this thread proves, that hatred can come from either gender.

Here's my view. We're all - male, female, black, white, old, young, able-bodied or not - just people. Individuals, with our own morals, ambitions, hopes, dreams, and interests. We are mostly living our lives the best way we can. And we're all different. "Men" are no more the same than "black people" are. If you don't understand that, then you need to take a long hard look at your own prejudices. Our differences are a wonderful thing.

And we can make a conscious choice - we can choose to believe that most people, on the whole, generally speaking, are trying to do the right thing.

Or we can choose to be defined by hating people. Those people could be other ethnic groups. It could be particular religions. It could be gays. It could be women. It could be men. But if you choose to let your hatred define you, then you are the one who loses out. And, if you choose to hate men, but are raising a son, then I promise that he is learning from you. He is internalising the message that he is inferior. That men are useless, or cheats, or simple, or uncaring. And, since his parents are the most important people in his little life, one way or another, he will live that out. Perhaps he will choose to cheat on his partners when he's grown, because you taught him that's what men do. Or maybe he will have learned that he is inferior, and will end up in a relationship with an abusive woman because - as a man - you taught him that he doesn't really deserve better.

I say the same thing to the red pill type dads, who are raising daughters but hate women.

Be better than that.

Learn self-awareness. If you continually make bad choices in men, own that. They are your choices. It doesn't excuse men who may have behaved abusively towards you, or treated you badly. But it requires a level of self-awareness to recognise that you were part of that dynamic too, and if you always choose bad boys, perhaps you could try to see it coming when they treat you badly. And yes, I say that to men as well. If you always choose women because they're "wild", then yes - they're probably going to cheat.

Aim high. Be better. Work on yourself. Don't be defined by hate. Be a decent human being. And, just maybe, you'll find that your new attitude takes you to new places.

Dimsumlosesum · 11/02/2019 13:18

I don't hate men. I have some amazing male friends, and have a son. I just don't trust men when it comes to sex as time and time and time and time again, not just in my life but female friends and family members lives, they get cheated on. And then the women get blamed for "choosing the wrongtype", or "not giving him enough attention, etc. I love the men I know- I would trust them with any aspect of my life. Just not when it comes down to sex.

thecatsarecrazy · 11/02/2019 13:32

That they think with their dick first and face the consequences later.
Doesn't matter how long you have been together, what you have been through how many children you have. A woman shows a bit of interest and they go for it. Apparently being pregnant and not wanting sex is a good enough reason to look elsewhere

Meca · 11/02/2019 15:47

So true stop the mind games tell it how it is.

Meca · 11/02/2019 15:54

Women do the same to men .
Be grateful for what you have not what you don't. If you think anything of the person you are with surely you want to have sex with them .Going off with another person is that the answer no. Stop being so negative about your partner and think of the positives.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/02/2019 16:00

Some of this is depressing. Most of the men I have met were nice, the same as most of the women I have met were nice. Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes and if I focus on being the kind person who is want to meet life will be ok.

Meca · 11/02/2019 16:06

Not all men it's about gratitude and respect for your partner and yourself and not thinking the grass is greener on the other side every five minutes.
Unfortunately there are some people that will try to have what ever they want regardless that it will destroy their own life amd others.

Meca · 11/02/2019 16:14

This is a problem no one is perfect and them sees this as a problem. No one will put the effort in .Getting all worked up about the tiny things that you don't like or agree with.Some of the reasons people trash their marriages for never ceases to amaze me. Off with another person at the drop of a hat. There is so much negativity all the time people slagging off their partners.

Parthenope · 11/02/2019 16:22

Some of the reasons people trash their marriages for never ceases to amaze me. Off with another person at the drop of a hat. There is so much negativity all the time people slagging off their partners.

On the contrary, what strikes me, and has struck me over and over again sin the eight years I've been on Mumsnet, is the opposite -- how long many women stay in appalling, unequal, relationships, desperately picking up the slack in all kinds of ways, convincing themselves it's normal and that this is all they deserve.

Missillusioned · 11/02/2019 16:24

I don't hate men. But I still think the majority will be unfaithful sexually given an easy opportunity.