What do you know about men that you wished you knew before....

[toffeeapple123]

......???

That once you put a high value on yourself and detach from situations that are not serving you, men, in my experience will chase you and try to reel you back in ...either for fear of losing you in whatever role you play in their lives or for fear of losing the ego boost they so desperately need .

shame that many of the answers on this thread actually reinforce the idea that you can't expect more from men, isn't it?

I was definitely bitter when my ex treated me like shit

But this is surely nonsense. You wouldn't accept female friends treating you badly, and if they did you wouldn't then claim women are this or women are that. So why do it to "men" ?

I do think women in general, like a bad boy, but want him to change. When he doesn't change (just like to 2 or 3 before him) you get upset and call all men ignorant n selfish... Nope, just the bad ones you keep choosing. While that nice lad/bloke who is really friendly (probably single too and would love a relationship with a deserving.woman) is left to be a laugh!

A wise person once said... Repeating the same thing, and expecting a different result, is stupid. Change what you're doing, and the result will change

Could you please stop blaming women for male bad behaviour?

@Sheelala Those are two unrelated statements. One says that the "All men are bastards" comments are reinforcing the (incorrect) idea that we can't expect men to be anything better than bastards. I was supporting someone saying that we can indeed expect much more of men.
The other says that the word "bitter" is actually accurate for how a person feels after being treated badly; being bitter does not somehow curdle my brains and make me stupid. (Though it is often used that way to describe angry women.)
I'm not sure what either comment has to do with accepting female friends treating me badly? And I'm not making sweeping statements about men or women, quite the opposite.

That all they really want is food, sex and peace.

I'm not sure what either comment has to do with accepting female friends treating me badly?

Women often complain about the double standard that if one women can't do a sum it means "girls are bad at maths". This is recognised as being unfair.

If you hold men to a different standard than women, then why is this ?

The fact is that heterosexual women are just more vulnerable to shitty behaviour from men because they want more from them than they do from female friends.

Sorry, still don't understand what you mean. I would guess you might have misunderstood what I was saying, so sorry if my comments were not very clear.

That all they really want is food, sex and peace.

That's all I want tbf

I learnt early on that men can be amazing, kind, funny, great company etc. But that I can't rely on them, practically or financially. In light of that, I rely on myself, built my own life, and enjoy the company of my boyfriend for what it is - pleasant but not guaranteed to last forever!

Sorry, still don't understand what you mean. I would guess you might have misunderstood what I was saying, so sorry if my comments were not very clear.

All I'm trying to get at is that the reason this thread exists is because heterosexual women actually expect more from men than they do from other women. They aren't vulnerable to and therefore do not notice or are not affected by crappy behaviour in other women to the same extent. This will be the same for men who are not vulnerable to men in the same way heterosexual women are and so their views are really very different.

This thread should be renamed 'Menhaters of MN unite'

I was agreeing with a poster who said "you can expect more than emotional abuse, narcissistic control and duplicity."
I don't think that is setting a higher standard than for women.

I don't think that is setting a higher standard than for women.

That might not be, but in general heterosexual women at some point expect a man to share their life with them and all that goes with that. They will not expect the same from a woman not be as vulnerable to her emotionally or physically. That's what I mean by higher standards/different expectations.

Still don't see what your point has to do with my point, but I'd agree that people want different things from a partner than from a friend. For example I would happily have a male or female friend who was a lot less intelligent than me, but would not want that in a partner.

Learn from your experience of men how you bring up your sons and daughters so they don't make the same mistakes.

I think it is inevitable that this type of thread descends into arguing, which is a shame as there are some valuable points being made.

I think there are some genuine differences which are nothing to do with "hating". It is possible to generalize about some of these precisely because men are socialized differently and treated differently by society in general, and often subconsciously by well-intentioned mothers and teachers. Some of this can later manifest itself in the type of low level annoying behaviour which can cause friction when living with women, even if they are "good" men and the issues are fairly trivial.

Still don't see what your point has to do with my point

Perhaps not a lot. However the reason you were in the situation where you ex was able to treat you so badly and embitter you is because you are a heterosexual women and he's a man. So there is always going to be a higher chance of you becoming embittered because of a man's behaviour than a woman's.

I was using your quote to illustrate that wider point which I feel is always lost. Hope that makes sense.

My post about being bitter ended with the sentence "Doesn't mean that I think all men are shits, though." In other words, just because I am bitter about what my ex did, that doesn't make me harp on about menz.

The ones that try to manipulate or control you are as weak as fuck x

“All they want is food, sex and peace”

And beer.....

A lot of men are entitled shits
Some men are honest and decent
All human beings are imperfect
Grown men know the difference between flirting and harassment, but
I keep to pretend they don't if challenged.
If it's a mans word against your's, people always believe the men. And the ones that believe you, have no power to help you

That should be: ...but like to believe they don't when challenged

Men crave compliments as much as women. If they earn more money than you and give you a good lifestyle they think you should be grateful (or that could be just my DH) 😕

I’m always hopeful, give the “nice” guy a chance and try to give the benefit of the doubt, only to discover sooner or later that he’s just as bad as the last one and often even worse.

The "nice" guys often aren't that nice. Just come out of a relationship with one and he was very nice and charming at first and then slowly but surely the not so nice side came out.