My husband slept with someone else

[Stargazer456]

Hello everyone

I am new here and this is my first post.

So my husband and I have been married 14 years and we have children. Put life has always been a bit of a well.... a perfect bubble I guess... we met at school and have been together forever I trusted him unconditionally. However 6 months ago he had what I can only describe as a breakdown of some sort and he just left out of the blue.
To cut a long story short whilst he was ‘away’ he met someone and they slept together, 4 times ... twice successfully and twice unsuccessfully because he said he couldn’t.
He asked to come back to me a month or so ago and I agreed but at the time didn’t know this had happened. He told me he’d met someone but was just a friend and nothing more and I believed him he swore I was the only one for him. Fast forward to last week and I find receipts for meals out etc and a holiday quote for 2!
He has admitted they were together and slept together. He says he’s sorry and made a stupid mistake and he is doing all he can for me but the pain is unbearable....
sorry for long post but I just feel so betrayed and broken 😢😢

Thank you. Yes i have been awarded child maintenance but hes not paying it.... and they aren't chasing payments during the current COVID 19 situation 😖😔

I have got a solicitor so yes your right I need to move forward with divorce.... but am delaying as it's going to be messy and have to be through the courts because he wont communicate with me amicably .... just don't want to poke the bees nest 😥 xx

OP stop being nice. for his sake.. he's a DICK...

Your right ... ffs what's wrong with me

Sex really isn’t anything for men then only need a hard on it don’t matter where it goes. Some women are like that too. It depends what reason you have sex for us it to release tension or to touch each other and it be about the other person feeling loved. It’s the lies for me to be honest and I wouldn’t to a man again after he had been with someone else whilst with me. Cheating is cheating though, it involves lies, plans, deception. For me someone capable of that even without the sex is the end

Without sounding too harsh, if he really loved you sleeping with another woman wouldn't even be a thought let alone an action. Anyone who disagrees with that are completely naive and stupid. Love doesn't end up inside another woman. Simple as that. Leave him or kick him out.

Hi everyone, how you are all ok... so I've started my divorce.... and am feeling lots of mixed emotions ... we've had no contact from 'him' for months now....
Still find myself drowning in thoughts and disbelief that he could do this but am moving forward with baby steps xxx

Sorry to hear what your going through, he won't change beacuse he knows he's got the security of you to fall back on and you forgive him for his behaviour, it's sounds harsh but you need to take control of your life and stop him treating you this way, he does not love you and you deserve better than him.

Just seen update op - so glad you are divorcing

Good for you. Keep pushing forward. Get the divorce sorted. Is he paying child maintenance? How are your children doing?

Thank you for your replies, no hes not paying maintenance I've contact CM but they say they are not chasing non payments during COVID 19 which is bull shit.

My children are doing really well, my youngest has moments of missing him but on the whole are 100% happier to what they were.
My solicitor is costing me a fortune :-(

Well done op. You have been so brave. You're absolutely doing the right thing. He treated you so badly. He will never change, and will continue to treat every woman in his life the same way. You enjoy your life without him.

Oh well done! You are getting there!

So much of the pain is that awful hole of cognitive dissonance that you fall into, realising that the man that you loved and who was everything to to you, has gone. Vanished. To be replaced by someone wearing his face but with a completely different mindset. I think part of that is what causes the form of grief that we suffer. Not them leaving, but them changing so much and so fast.

All that bad-mouthing of you that he did in the past, that was his guilt talking. He HAD to make you into an evil, useless person otherwise how could he mentally justify leaving you and the children?

Try your best to manage without maintenance. My ex didn't pay for over ten years, despite me giving CSA (as it then was) all of his information. Whatever bullshit they feed you, they cannot force a man to pay up for his own children.

And KOKO.