I've been an absolute idiot to poor dp 😫

[Ilovechocolate2day]

I feel so so awful dp of 5 months has been so lovely , great with the kids etc , treats me so well. The only thing he has made remarks on occasionally is my weight which does get me down , I am trying to do something about it . Any way I had drinks with friends at the weekend and sat and sun sent him some shitty messages , saying find someone else who is to your standard come pick up your stuff , I'm too fat for u etc..... Any way he replied he loves me and stop ,
I feel so fucking awful about it , it wasn't me talking he said he understood this but last night he was very quiet and seemed very down and disappointed , he nearly left for home but I got upset and asked him to stay and said I was so sorry and love him loads. I'm worried now this has put a strain on our relationship. I don't know what to do but in so anxious now.

@Ilovechocolate2day

I can't see how I have been spiteful, or many others who have posted here.

I offered thoughts on the situation, which to me really does sound like the beginning of an abusive relationship. I have asked questions and made suggestions. All done with respect and nothing that I wouldn't be happy saying to you ftf.

Certainly I (and I would guess the majority of posters) have posted out of concern for you and your family, and because we care. It may seem strange that I care about some stranger over the Internet, but if I can help stop just woman wasting years of her life in an unhappy, abusive relationship, then it will be worth it.

I can see that you also have concerns deep down, you have questioned whether his behaviour is controlling. Listen to that little voice inside, it is speaking sense. If you don't, it will become quieter and quieter, until one day you will question whether you were ever able to hear it at all.

You are worthy of so much more than someone who jokes about your weight. What matters is not whether he finds it funny and just sees it as lighthearted fun, it's how it made YOU feel. Let's face it, he made you feel like shit.

There's people here who care and worry about you, and probably thousands more who have read the thread and haven't commented, but are following because they care what happens to you. We've got your back. We believe that you are worthy of the very best things in life and are here to support you.

Sending light and strength, and I hope today brings good things for you.

Christ almighty. Bin the cunt.

Wow, I can't believe this OPs abusive posts are still here. They were reported NINE HOURS AGO

Ellis, I really hope the OP has stopped abusing you via PM.

Sophia stop telling everyone you were a plod. We don't need to know every time you post

So disappointed the personal attacks from the OP has been permitted to stay, after MNHQ acknowledging a 'mass' of reports and taking a look nearly an hour ago

OP

I get that this may be a lot to take in all at once and that you’ve probably gotten comfortable with the extra help he (currently - and honestly, it is only currently) is but honestly - you need to grow up. You truly do. You are vulnerable, he can see that and he’s pounced. This is a story as old as the hills. Like I have said previously, my story started almost exactly the same as yours - would you like to know where I am several years later?? I lost everything, the abusers colluded and managed to pull the wool over other people’s faces, I lost one child completely, the other I’ve only just started rebuilding a relationship with after over a year of very little contact.

You’re a fool if you continue down this path.

I havebt abused anyone by pm ? I would not do that ? Strange 🤔

I never sent a pm ? Must b someone else

@Ellisandra

I would like to see what Ellisandra has to say, maybe a screenshot of the message, or just report it to MNHQ as they can also check.

Absolutely because I didn't send it I've nothing to hide report away as it wasn't me and so whoever it was can deal with it , I have enough going on it's seriously like being back at school here "boo hoo I'm telling on you" grow up

Some else logging on and using your mumsnet?

Oh op, one more voice of experience here. this man is waving red flags so hard, I too thought my lovely DP was just misunderstood, or I wasn't being understanding enough. Your subconscious is already tapping you as you've noticed a few things. Don't drown it out, it's right, he's not a good un no matter how many times he tells you he is.

He will forgive the texts but in such a way you feel bad about them for a long time, and grateful that he's been so kind to over look your nastyness, while not allowing you to dwell on his absolute arsehole behaviour.

Ahh that old chestnut " it wasn't me" 😁

Grow up seriously , I bet u were a right bully at school , I didn't send any pm messages ! What would be the point I certainly wouldn't send a swear word that's for sure , no one can log in on my account , seriously get a grip and get over it , you are believing the wrong person but that's your choice , Jesus Christ I'm 34 old enough to know how to treat people with respect as I have done with all your opinions !

But not old enough to protect yourself and your kids from an abusive relationship 🙄

I can't believe how nasty people are on here it's deff got worse since I first joined 10 + years ago netmums are much friendlier

Serious question, if he said you were ugly then later said it was a joke. How would you feel?

If that's how long you really have been here for, then you would have known the kind of responses you would have got.

People commented and had opinions on your whole scenario, they were actually trying to help, from what I can see the majority of PP have said pretty much the same thing. That's what you don't like, and that's when you've started classing everyone as bullies

No if he did call me ugly I would be off , fair point

OP - whatever else is going on in your relationship (which sounds awful, to me), you have made a big mistake in allowing this man unrestricted access to your children. It's too soon; you don't know him. I'd back off a lot - find other ways to get the kids to school etc - you don't need to be reliant on him.

And back off a lot from this to-and-fro of 'who was worst to whom' - he was horrible to you (ie - he is NOT a nice man) and you were defensive back. Which, judging by your responses to the posters on here, was probably just as horrible. Step back from it ALL.

Take a breath. Stop relying on him. Stop giving him access to your children (Like - now!) and stop thinking any man is better than no man at all.

Take a break from each other. Think.

I was about to say exactly what @Kennehora said. Or did you not write that deleted comment either, OP?

Ah yes netmums - hun, it's your life your choice, of course, you can introduce this man to your kids on the same day you met him. Don't let other people tell you otherwise.

Meanwhile, back in reality, grow up and think of your children. Your choices are leading them to a life of endless blokes in and out of their lives. You have been 'lucky' with this one, he's only abusing you. What about the next one or the next one?

You are calling the wrong people bullies. It's the man you have allowed into your children's lives after 5 minutes who is the bully.

Suggest you dump him. Put your kids first instead of your fanny and do the freedom program.

Nah even the nethuns would be horrified at that timeline.