Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been an absolute idiot to poor dp 😫

260 replies

Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 13:50

I feel so so awful dp of 5 months has been so lovely , great with the kids etc , treats me so well. The only thing he has made remarks on occasionally is my weight which does get me down , I am trying to do something about it . Any way I had drinks with friends at the weekend and sat and sun sent him some shitty messages , saying find someone else who is to your standard come pick up your stuff , I'm too fat for u etc..... Any way he replied he loves me and stop ,
I feel so fucking awful about it , it wasn't me talking he said he understood this but last night he was very quiet and seemed very down and disappointed , he nearly left for home but I got upset and asked him to stay and said I was so sorry and love him loads. I'm worried now this has put a strain on our relationship. I don't know what to do but in so anxious now.

OP posts:
category12 · 05/02/2019 20:55

You had a five year old that didn't want to walk in the rain a few minutes ago. Aged fast. Hmm

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/02/2019 20:57

But - he hasn't been kind to you, OP.

3luckystars · 05/02/2019 20:59

Well i would be glad if it wasnt true.

I know you must feel posters are being very critical, but there are major alarm bells ringing and maybe they are trying to shock you into getting away from your boyfriend before you wade in any deeper. Stopadoodledoo.

Transpeaked · 05/02/2019 21:01

Just get rid. Before he really screws with your head, your life and your children’s lives. You deserve better. Your children deserve better.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2019 21:02

You have had tons of support. You’re very selective in the questions you answer, fair enough, and now you’re flouncing because people - many of whom have been very supportive - have questioned some of your very questionable decisions.

A bunch of random strangers care more about how you’re being treated than you do.

If you think he’s great and don’t care that he’s critical and puts you down then crack on. It’s a really bad sign and is unlikely to go anywhere good. Your children have been through a lot already, that makes it more important that you, as their mother, prioritises their well-being even more and choose to only let other people into their lives who you know well. You don’t know this man well and you’ve chosen to make yourself very vulnerable by relying on someone you barely know to get your kids to school and for money for activities. Not smart. But you don’t really want advice do you.

Transpeaked · 05/02/2019 21:03

And if you’ve already been in abusive relationship(s) there is a good chance your fuckwit radar is broken. Look up the Freedom Programme and get to one in your area if there is one or at least buy the book.

NotANotMan · 05/02/2019 21:05

You're getting defensive because you know you've made a mistake by letting your boyfriend of 5 months get so involved with your kids, and by making excuses for his horrible behaviour.
Mumsnet will Be here the next time he does something horrible.

Kennehora · 05/02/2019 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boysandbuses · 05/02/2019 21:11

No way are they excelling in school because he is around not in 5 months.

Mn has no such rules that you HAVE to support anyone just because they have a vagina.

As I see it, you won't give him up because he buys stuff and gives you lifts.

He is an abusive dick who has his feet well under the table.

That's your choice. It's the kids I feel sorry for.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 21:14

5 yp doesn't want to walk 4 miles

My children are 15, 13 and 8

This aside, you got the responses you got because in 5 months you introduced him to your kids, he spends the night, he helps out financially and does the school run. Not just that but he's been a massive dick to you, and you were so upset you sent him vile texts while drunk. Too much too soon,and the red flags are flying. He might not be an awful guy(doubtful) but your boundaries are all over the place, which is not safe or healthy for you or your kids.

GertieGumboyle · 05/02/2019 21:34

Never mind the size 16 issue (either he fancies you as you are or he doesn't). As endless PP say, I'd be more worried about the role he has taken on/found himself taking on with your DC.

My DC have known my DP (as my friend) for about 10 years. He has been my DP for the past three years. Even now, there is a respectful distance between him and them. This may be excessively slow, admittedly - but I have my teenage plus DC and he has his (young adult) DC, and the fact that he and I are a bit devoted to one another doesn't need to rock the DC's boats at the moment. They have all, one way or another, been through a lot already, and are happy as they are. So we are, too.

OP, I hope you find a way through/round all of this.

GertieGumboyle · 05/02/2019 21:37

their father was abusive and nasty and arrogant and they never ask after him , says a lot

It says more than you think it says, OP. Unfortunately. My DC's father was all of the above. If our DC had been left to their own devices, they wouldn't have 'been asking after him', either. I could easily have engineered a situation in which this were the case. However, that would not have been in their best interests. Just in mine.

BreevandercampLGJ · 05/02/2019 21:49

There are more red flags here than at a Spanish bullfight.

feralfanny · 05/02/2019 22:03

Oh dear. Nobody is bullying you.
I speak from experience and was trying to help you see it too.
Although to be fair i didn't see it 5 months in either. It took me several years and bruises and psychological damage to my kids and finally a messy court case to get free of the shitbag who started off just like your DP!
Just trying to help.

crimsonlake · 05/02/2019 22:09

I agree, no one is bullying you., people are simply pointing out things you should have realised yourself. You simply do not like or agree with their responses, not sure why you posted on here for advice as you are clearly going to ignore it.

Ellisandra · 05/02/2019 22:24

Well, it’s bullshit that you could only date by introducing him to your kids.

Your oldest is 15, and a 13yo doesn’t need much supervision. So you could have left your 15yo to babysit.

Or, as he’s prepared to give you money, he could have paid for your dates whilst you paid for a babysitter.

Maybe you decided introductions were OK (my now husband met my daughter quite soon in) - but don’t try to kid yourself or us that it was because you had no choice.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work anyway, with the weight comments.

youaremyrain · 05/02/2019 22:26

He withdrew from you, after your drunk texts, for two reasons;

  1. because he thought he was rumbled and you might not be that easy to manipulate after all

  2. to punish you for standing up for yourself

He's training you

Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:30

Sorry for the typo of 5

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 05/02/2019 22:31

Do you never leave your 15 year old to babysit?!

Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:34

Thanks for all your help bit I'd rather not being as bullying is going on here

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:36

Your all being very spiteful and you need to be careful how u address those who have been in an abusive relationship.im really sad I've such a negative respone

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 05/02/2019 22:36

No bullying.
Just no-one sympathy with your “poor DP”.

Your boyfriend is a dick.

Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:39

Very nasty as I say my children are fine and I feel a bit picked on here, not good as a person with anxiety problems , I'm.trying my best as I can ......

OP posts:
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.