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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been an absolute idiot to poor dp 😫

260 replies

Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 13:50

I feel so so awful dp of 5 months has been so lovely , great with the kids etc , treats me so well. The only thing he has made remarks on occasionally is my weight which does get me down , I am trying to do something about it . Any way I had drinks with friends at the weekend and sat and sun sent him some shitty messages , saying find someone else who is to your standard come pick up your stuff , I'm too fat for u etc..... Any way he replied he loves me and stop ,
I feel so fucking awful about it , it wasn't me talking he said he understood this but last night he was very quiet and seemed very down and disappointed , he nearly left for home but I got upset and asked him to stay and said I was so sorry and love him loads. I'm worried now this has put a strain on our relationship. I don't know what to do but in so anxious now.

OP posts:
owl2015 · 05/02/2019 14:31

It's a slippery slope. He's got away with saying these vile things, what's next?

TinselAndKnickers · 05/02/2019 14:31

Bin him off!

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2019 14:32

'In vino veritas', love. Your 'inner you' was telling you (and him) the truth.

Bin him.

Skybooks · 05/02/2019 14:34

Twat, bin him off.

Imagine if he starts commenting on your children's weight.

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 14:34

He is financially supporting your children after 5 months?
I wouldn't be apologising for sending those texts to him. He has no right yo comment on your weight. If he didn't like it why did he want to be with you in the first place? So he could put you down about it?

ChrisPrattsFace · 05/02/2019 14:34

I’d rather be fat and not judged than feel pressured to lose weight to make him happy.
Say bye.

Friendsupport · 05/02/2019 14:35

Are you for real?

5 months in and he is commenting on your weight (major red flag), he is making your financially dependant (even bigger red flag) and as for meeting your children and doing school runs???? You didn't even know him when school started in Sept and now he is doing the school run?

Again are you actually serious? Because you need a serious rethink if you are.

Karigan195 · 05/02/2019 14:35

Hang on how has he got to the position where he is doing the school run and looking after the kids in just 5 months.

Have a step back and just consider if he isn’t intergrating himself too much and being too full on. Establishing control and being too full on are pretty significant red flags. Only you will know but the criticism is not a good sign.

I’m not going to call him names or suggest you leave him because only you know all the facts but step back and look at it carefully without being suckered in by the romance and emotions!

Kittykat93 · 05/02/2019 14:38

@Friendsupport

Totally agree.

sillysmiles · 05/02/2019 14:39

To be honest this sounds like an abusive and controlling relationship. He is making himself a part of your family (minding the kids and contributing money towards them - which imo is bonkers this soon) while at the same time slowly and subtly undermining your confidence.

So many alarm bells!

MMmomDD · 05/02/2019 14:41

You talk about him as if you’ve been together for years.
Whole the truth is that you barely know each other - it’s been only 5 months...
It’s only a honeymoon period. Or, at least, it should be.

So - did he meet you online - since you said he asked what size you were?
And did he set out to transform you into some image he likes better?
Just seems strange that he is so full on - with financial support and childcare this early on.
Almost like he was looking for someone with low self esteem who he can mould and control.

I’d be cautious and careful.
You have three kids and you brought a stranger you barely knew into their lives?
At only a couple of months????? How irresponsible is it???
(Since by now at 5 month he’s been so helpful - I assume introductions happened way before..)

crimsonlake · 05/02/2019 14:42

What jumps out from your thread as others have mentioned is how on earth has he integrated himself so much in your children's after only 5 months together and you have yet to give a response to this. I have lost count of the amount of times people start a thread and always use the words ' great in every way, but...' He is not great and it was too soon to introduce him to your children.

WhatTheNightBrings · 05/02/2019 14:43

I have cheese in my fridge I've known longer

Tinyteatime · 05/02/2019 14:43

He sounds like a fucking arsehole who is trying to undermine you and erode your confidence. Nasty piece of work. Be careful about letting him near your children.

Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 14:44

Thank you for the opinions, he knows it's upset me a lot , but said it was a joke and I need to stop bringing it up

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovechocolate2day · 05/02/2019 14:44

I have also met his son a few times if that's wrong also

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 05/02/2019 14:45

I'm another one to point out that you really need to slow down.

When you already have children, you need to take it slowly getting to know someone. So that when they show their true colours i.e. making you feel like shit about your body, you can ditch them without the added issue of being financially or otherwise dependent.

HollowTalk · 05/02/2019 14:47

I would tell him it's over because you no longer fancy him because of his weight.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2019 14:47

but said it was a joke and I need to stop bringing it up

So instead of a very sincere apology for upsetting you he turns the fault on you for being 'sensitive'? Fuck him!

Boysandbuses · 05/02/2019 14:52

You boyfriend of 20 weeks, financially supports your kids, does the school run etc?

What the actual fuck?

Lovemusic33 · 05/02/2019 14:52

5 months and he’s making comments about your weight and spending time with your kids, I would be very wary. He sounds like my ex who moved himself in with me very quickly, was great with my kids, bought me flowers every week, would cook dinner etc.. after 6 months he started making comments about my appearance and then started getting really controlling, it ended very badly and I can believe I was so blind (“but he was great with the kids and told me he loved me”).

Sounds like he’s got comfortable far too early. The messages you sent when you were drunk was what you were too afraid to say when you were sober, have a few more drinks and tell him to fuck off.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 05/02/2019 14:53

OP. You have made a bad choice here. He knew what size you were when you met. He's totally involved in your life after only 5 months which is really bad for your children. Ditch him and spend some time working on you before you get involved with someone else.

ChinnyReckonn · 05/02/2019 14:57

You boyfriend of 20 weeks, financially supports your kids, does the school run etc?

What the actual fuck?

Exactly this. Bloody ridiculous.

feralfanny · 05/02/2019 14:58

Fat shaming aside - why are you financially depending on a guy you've known 5 months?
You should be doing the school run and paying for your own kids.
I don't agree that he shouldn't have met them yet like some PPs but at 5 months he should still be on the outside of your family unit.

DandilionBreak · 05/02/2019 14:59

Can I ask how you expect he'd respond if you suggest to him that he's a tad pudgy and perhaps you could lose the excess weight together? You've said he's fat, too. So why not suggest you do it as a "team project" and then if he's an arse about it (I anticipate he will get huffy if you say he's not perfect himself) then I'd really hope you would think long and hard about his negative effect on you. Do you want to stay with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself? Do you want someone who "banters" cruelly around your three kids? There's teasing and there's being vindictive. You know which one he's doing.

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