I've been an absolute idiot to poor dp 😫

[Ilovechocolate2day]

I feel so so awful dp of 5 months has been so lovely , great with the kids etc , treats me so well. The only thing he has made remarks on occasionally is my weight which does get me down , I am trying to do something about it . Any way I had drinks with friends at the weekend and sat and sun sent him some shitty messages , saying find someone else who is to your standard come pick up your stuff , I'm too fat for u etc..... Any way he replied he loves me and stop ,
I feel so fucking awful about it , it wasn't me talking he said he understood this but last night he was very quiet and seemed very down and disappointed , he nearly left for home but I got upset and asked him to stay and said I was so sorry and love him loads. I'm worried now this has put a strain on our relationship. I don't know what to do but in so anxious now.

The reason he was introduced is because I had no one to look after the kids so we can meet up , I have no support network what so ever, their dad has no interest since I ended our 14 year relationship he won't even financially help so the only way I could meet up with him was to introduce him, yes he does sound controlling that has been in my head, but he is also really lovely , my mum adores him also.

I think he supports his ex’s kids, who’s father doesn’t see them, not the OP’s.

You didn't have a babysitter? You should have just said. Of course having your fanjo prodded is more important than your children's wellbeing.

Red flag! red flag! He's either super immature and hasn't learnt yet that you do not comment on your partner's weight or testing the water in a more sinister way to see what you will put up with in terms of control. Either way, if he really loves you he wouldn't dream of saying something so hurtful especially as you were this size (or bigger by the sound of your post) when you got together.

he knows it's upset me a lot , but said it was a joke and I need to stop bringing it up

Oh well......as long as it was only a joke.
That is what he will say EVERY TIME he upsets you, he will make out it’s your fault for being over sensitive and not having a sense of humour.
He’s a twat and you should get him away from your kids before they start thinking such awful behaviour is normal.

Omg the update is even worse!

You hardly know this man, 5 months is nothing. The reason why it’s so important not to introduce people to your kids so quickly isn’t just about whether someone is a paedophile or whatever, it’s about making it harder for yourself to say no, actually this was a bad decision and dumping him. Now you’re really over invested in him - he’s met your mum and kids and whereas in a normal dating situation you’d kick him to the side you’re now thinking it’s gone too far to get rid... well, it hasn’t. You wouldn’t put up with a stranger commenting on your weight. Why put up with him?

Well if your mum loves him then no problem
You're making excuses. How did you meet him in the first place if you can't get any time to meet up without children? Also, if your mum likes him so much why can't she babysit while you meet him?
Is he living with you?
fuck anyone who says they've introduced a partner to their kids because they couldn't get babysitters. How baldly do you need a man to put your desire above your children's needs/safety?!

How did you meet him then?

What about when the kids at at school?

I am a single parent, I get it's hard and gets lonely. But letting some bloke become their dad after 5 months ridiculous

How did you live, financially, begore he came along?

Tbh by his reaction , I think I've overstepped anyway , he wasn't impressed with my texts

I don't think it's wrong that he's met your children, I met my husbands children after less than 2 months. It was a slow introduction, dinner here, cinema there etc so we can't all jump to conclusions and I think that's completely irrelevant to the original post (although I do agree on those saying you shouldn't be financially dependent etc but you haven't actually said you're dependent just that he helps out).
However, no man should make a comment on a woman's weight joking or not. Those 2 times you mentioned are completely wrong and unreasonable, especially encouraging you to join the gym after finding out your clothes size (no man should ask this question unless he's planning on buying you new clothes regardless of the answer!) and I do agree that if you're saying what you are when drunk, something isn't right and you've been affected more than you realise or want to admit.
If you're set on staying with him because he's so "amazing" in other ways then I think you do need to put what's been said behind you or you'll drive yourself and him mad BUT if more comments happen. you seriously need to look at this relationship again without the rose tinted glasses or you'll end up a wreck with no confidence.

Bloody Hell Op, does he need to be wearing a suit made out of red flags before you take notice?
He’s charming at first ( which is why your mum likes him) but he will begin to slip ( like calling you fat) and you will see less and less of the charm the more dependent you are on him
Saying “it was a joke “ is what arseholes do when challenged - ie it’s your fault you are upset not his.
Get rid while you still can and before your poor children get too attached ( which is when he will really have you where he wants you)

Your mother is in the picture, why couldn't she look after the kids while you met with this guy?

OP - he sounds controlling because he is controlling.

I doubt you've overstepped the mark with those texts. If you have then you've had a lucky escape. If you haven't he will make a big thing of forgiving you for them, but will use them from now until eternity to put you down.

This relationship is not good in any way. Hopefully it's over.

The next time you want to get into a relationship. be much much much much slower.

Can your Mum babysit? Can you apply at the CSA for child support?

This makes me very sad as it's so clear what's happening. He's slowly chipping away at your self-esteem, making you doubt yourself, making you feel like you can't survive without him. You appear to have the self-awareness to see that it's happening too (although you're doubting yourself), but do you have the strength to do anything about it?

I really hope that you can bring yourself to remove this man from your life - not just for your sake, but for your children's as well - they shouldn't have to watch you go through this.

My mum works full time and different shifts to me , she also struggles having all 3 at once

Tbh by his reaction , I think I've overstepped anyway , he wasn't impressed with my texts and he overstepped the mark when he joked about your weight, of course he is charming to your mum, does she know he has commented on your weight and do you think she would find him charming if he commented on her weight?!?

Your boyfriend shouldn't be making those comments to begin with. Don't put up with this shit anymore

OP how did you meet?

How did you financially support your self before you met him?

wtf?

OP - are you listening to anything people said here?

How can anyone be so selfish and put their children in potential danger by bringing a stranger into their home - so that they can sleep with said stranger IN THE HOUSE????

If you want to date - why can’t your mother help out?

@Ilovechocolate2day RUN!!!! The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>
This guy is putting up more red flags than a communist convention!!!
He's integrated himself into yours and your DC's lives so very very quickly, I bet you're already starting to wonder how you ever coped without him (this is exactly what he want's, you becoming dependant on him) but you were fine before he slunk into your life. He's started criticising you 5 MONTHS IN! , being deliberately rude and cruel about your weight (there's no other way to look at what he has said to you along with him rubbing your belly wanker) and then turning it around on you saying that it was just a joke like fuck it was and I need to stop bringing it up. He's training you to accept him verbally beating you down and stripping away your self-esteem. This will only get worse, and he'll tell you it's just you being sensitive, why can't you take his banter? You just make everything an argument and him treating you like shit is ALL YOUR FAULT.
Drunk you is who you need to listen to here.
YOU haven't overstepped in ANYWAY. If this dickhead was a decent person you would never have felt the need to say what you said, it just took you having some dutch courage and good friends around you to tell him to get to fuck because he's an abusive arsehole.
I really hope you get rid of him now, otherwise you'll be looking back in 1, 2, 5+ years time wishing you had done it when the big red flags were waving so high and bright for you to see and your children weren't impacted by his abusive behaviour which they will be if you stick with him

Something made you tell him what you honestly thought of his behaviour you were drunk. Why are you doubting yourself now?

^^This.