Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Brilliant. Going to the gym or just getting some exercise is really good for your head as well as your body. Gets the old happy chemicals flowing in your brain.

Star - guess what? I jumped my dp this morning and made him late for a meeting - hah!

wayhey Wisteria - must try that sometime...

My sentiment is with Tanee, Wisteria!

Whey Hey!!!!! Good for you!

Not been able to come on PC much today as DP has been at home, so has spent all day on World of Warcraft (hate that fact that everyone here (except me) is addicted to that game)!!

Have had a very stressful day, but for no apparent reason. There is no point in me pretending that i haven't noticed how unbelievably irritable I am at the moment!

Def need to visit the doctors next Friday!

Well it is me and DP's 5 year anniversary of the day we met today! I got flowers earlier (they are gorgeous too) so am about to cook a lovely ???!?!?!?!?! meal for DP!

If he has recovered from the other night (he was apparently a little sore) then I am hoping for some more action!

Have already had some wine and intend to finish the rest during dinner, but surely celebrating is a good excuse???

Am going to the gym in the morning, have a hair appointment tomorrow afternoon, and me and DP are out tomorrow night! So I should be feeling good!

Fingers crossed that I don't manage a loopy fit in that time!!!

(I do have on my mind that from Monday DP is working in the office with the woman he failed to mention, but am trying really hard not to think about it !)

Note - thank you for everyones encouragement and support!

And again last night!!!! I tried this morning but he was too tired - I obviously still have the knack, just needed reminding - thanks to all of you, I know it was Star's post but it has obviously worked for me too!
Star, it sounds like you are on the mend too, hoping you have a fabulous weekend and get some too!

God Wisteria, I was beginning to hate you ... but after sitting up till 7am this morning (yes!!) we went to bed in broad daylight after several hours of heart to heart (dp going to work in Norfolk for 2 months, so needed to review our rather difficult first 6 months of living together with him unemployed & depressed) - and having got a lot off our chests, he got onto mine IYKWIM . Feeling VERY good today!

Star, congrats on your anniversary, you sound so much more positive. Hope you and DP have a FABULOUS time tonight!

Is it a full moon or something? Because I too have been feeling very horny indeed for the last few days and that is so not like me..I've even INITIATED it and I never, never do that!

Well I was feeling very much up for it at the beginning of last night! And still by bed time! But was SO tired, that I didn't bother (I won't complain that DP never tried it on as I am pretty sure that I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow).

However, we are out tonight, so who knows when we get back! (DP driving otherwise no chance which is weird cause for the first 3 years of our relationship 3/4 of sex was after alcohol).

Am all ready to go out and feeling rather crappy. I feel far too fat, none of my nice clothes fit, and what I have poured myself into tonight I have worn a hundred times before. Always previously looking better than now!

Had my hair cut today which I love, but now the buzz is wearing off and reality is setting in!

Haircut would look much better if matched with a different face and body .

Will try not to end up crying in the toilets when I see myself in the mirror, but can't promise anything.

Well done wisteria! That's my girl!

Tanee - glad that you 'got yours' and are feeling good!

b&f - it must indeed be something to do with the moon! But lets try enjoy it () while we can!

I Think there was a big moon last night - certainly there must have been something in the air .

Star, I bet you actually look beautiful! Have a lovely evening and hope you get yours too .

I'm about to go get something sparkly to drink in the garden with dp & we're having a curry delivered later. Got to enjoy our last 24 hours together, then it's just me, dd & the cats for two weeks...

Well he's on a stag night tonight so you've all got far more chance than me!
Star, it is an awful feeling that but try to remember that although you know you've worn the outfit before no one else you come into contact with will have a clue!
Hope you've had a great night tonight (all of you), Tanee, 2 months sounds crap sweetie - I'm going to go downstairs and have a glass of wine and read my book - sad cow that I am - I had planned on spending some quality time with my eldest dd but she's gone over to her friends for the night and youngest dd is also at a sleepover so I'm billy no mates

Binkle - so it's all down to the moon is it? Bugger - thought it was my hormones coming back to normal!

Tanee - two weeks seems like a really long time but I bet it will fly by! Always here for a chat if you need one

Wisteria - Not a sad cow! Much help and support to me for which I am grateful!

Well psychobitch is well and truly back hence I have reverted back to the username!

Got stuff to do at the moment, but will be back on later if anyone wants to listen?

(Unless DP has packed my stuff and carted me back off up north in the meantime )

What did you do?

We had a really good night out. Went to a local pub and had a good few drinks (me not DP as he was dirivng, my first mistake).

Wasn't a romantic night cause one of his friends was there but I didn't really mind.

Got in, watched some TV and had something to eat, went to bed!!!!!

He put shorts on for bed, when he usually gets in bed naked. So I took this personally and assumed it was a 'not going anywhere near you tonight' sign.

Immediately flipped and started accusing him of not fancying me saying that he thinks i am fat and ugly and repulsive. Asked him if he had ever fancied me, asked him why he was with me if he finds me so disgusting, and went on and on and on and on.....!!!!!

Was crying hysterically the whole time. He told me that he hates living with me at the moment, he cannot and will not spend the rest of his life like this.

We eventually went to sleep (he wanted to go downstairs to sleep on sofa but I told him that I would just follow him and wouldn't leave him alone till he got into bed).

I got up early with DS this morning, wrote DP a letter saying that I know that I completely overreacted to what I saw as a rejection. Told him that I love him am truly sorry and that I really am going to try my best to sort myself out. That I am going to doctors this week as coming off anti depressants obviously not working, and that I want to regularly go to the gym to try and make me feel better about myself.

He commented that he had read the letter when he got up, I went to the gym (extra long workout) and have been busy doing house and kid stuff all day, whilst DP has hidden upstairs playing games on the PC.

He is not talking to me, not that I can blame him. And once again I feel like complete shit, a complete idiot, disgusting and ashamed of myself, unattractive, and the biggest psycho bitch ever. Which is all true!

oh god,you poor thing.it does sound like you need to talk to someone.best of luck xx

good luck with the GP tomorrow. hopefully you will come up with a plan of action to help you feel better whether it be ADs/counselling/exercise/time away from kids or a combination of the above.

As someone who has suffered with OCD and really pissed off my husband with requests for reassurance I would say:- try and keep your worries in your own mind, not rope your husband in - find other ways of dealing with them - whether it's writing them down in a diary, distracting yourself etc. Once you start to be able to keep them to yourself and not require reassurance, you will hopefully find that you become less anxious anyway.

oh poor you, poppet
Good luck with GP and try to remember each day is a new day and not to give up what you started, you've just 'fallen off the wagon' a bit that's all.
I think everything you're trying to do is wonderful and you will succeed because you want to. At least you can say sorry, and not many of us do that quite so quickly.

Will be here tomorrow at some point if you want to chat xx

Feels like I am always saying sorry at the moment, cause I just keep on f**king up when I have promised myself I won't.

have you seen GP yet Star? Hope you're being Star today anyway!

Can't get into doctor's till Friday! So will have to try to control myself without drugs till then! (Am wondering how I will pay for a prescription anyway but....).

Dp did cuddle me in bed last night. And have spoken to him on the phone and he has been fine with me.

Still feel terrible though and I know that the horrid things I say to him are not just forgotten

Anyway, did you enjoy your book and bottle of wine the other night?

I fell asleep within 5 mins of sitting down!
Had a lovely day yesterday though, nice long walk with pooch and dp came back early which was nice.
Things definitely run a bit smoother between us when we 'do it' more I think - I feel less irritable with him and I didn't even ask about his night out, other than the 'did you have a good time' questions, I didn't do my normal - 'were there any nice girls out or, did you pull then?' which is my normal jokey but very insecure way of dealing with him going out with the boys!

What have you got planned this week for keeping you busy and active so not dwelling on things?
I'm going to try and sort out this shithole of a house as the weather got me down so much lately I couldn't work any enthusiasm up for anything!
It's a shame you don't live close, we could meet for a power walk!

Star, I won't call you by your other name. Don't beat yourself up too much about the other night. I've experienced the symbolism of the going to bed in shorts routine - it's galling when you're all ready to go into lurve mode - but it's good that he DID cuddle you last night - all's not lost . Hope you can keep going till Friday - and when you feel the rejection feelings well up, try to remember the cuddles.

And I (sigh) said goodbye to dp yesterday. He'll be back briefly in two weeks but not home for good till mid-September. Still, the cats are pleased - they both slept on my bed last night (normally they're banned from the bedroom). I'll have to check there's no cat hair on his clothes before he comes home .

I ALWAYS give DP 20 questions whenever he goes out.

Before he goes it's:
Promise to behave?
Do you want anyone else?
Do you still fancy me?
Do you still want me?
DO you love me?
You do know that kissing is classed as cheating?
You do know that wanting someone else is cheating emotionally?
If you cheat on me don't bother coming home!

Then when he gets in (or the next morning):
Did you behave?
Did you cheat?
Did you want to cheat?
Did you chat anyone up?
Did anyone chat you up?
Who did you talk to?
How many women were there?
Etc etc etc etc

How he has put up with me for so long I will never know. When he cuddled me last night I said 'I don't deserve you'. He just cuddled me a little tighter and said 'you deserve a good beating'!!!! (He was joking obivously).

Wisteria - I have nothing planned for this week except the usual. Working all day (enjoy it but looking after three toddlers all day doesn't take too much brain power so far too much time to think). Going to gym as often as I can.

Tanee - Don't forget we are here if you ever want a chat ! And I know what you are saying about 'think of the cuddles' but I can cuddle the kids or the cats! I want my man to fancy me.

Have to admit that even though I feel uncomfortable cause of how I look and feel about myself, still feel more secure if we are having sex regularly. Which we never seem to do .

Can we retrain ourselves do you think? So instead of the 20 questions we can go...

'ooh you look hot tonight, can't wait for you to get in....' (then try not to fall asleep)

'wow! aren't I lucky to have such a horny man..

Failing that, kneel down, unzip his trousers etc etc shouldn't be tempted then! (plus side of that is you don't have to get naked and show your wobbly bits)