Would you enter into a relationship with a man who had no contact with his child?

[Japanesejazz]

Obviously in his words his ex has poisoned the child against him The child is in their late teens.

Historical cases are perhaps different as the thinking was that Dads didn't need to be involved. Not the case now, if anything bias is very much supporting contact even if hitting or aggressive anger by Dads are proven.

An ex could be disordered but if the child is older then they would have some positive experiences themselves of Dad and due to phones they can communicate directly. I think genuine parental alienation is very rare, less likely if split is when children are over 7 or 8.

I have been through the court process, which isn't expensive if you self rep to get to the stage of a Cafcass report and if they advise no contact that would be highly worrying as only in extreme circumstances.

However as others say...why get involved in a mess and it will be a messy.

Totally depends on the circumstances as sometimes all is not what it seems to be

I tried that and now he doesn't have contact with 3x sets of kids. 2 children he had with ex wife, 2 children he has with ex gf and now our child who is 4. He isn't seeing any of them. It's all the women's fault apparently, never his fault all the women poisoned the kids minds

*respect

No because he either can't be bothered with his kids or there is a bad reason for not seeing his kids.

No, but I wouldn’t date a man with children whether he saw them or not. Too much baggage.

No especially if its a decision by the Courts.
Judges rarely allow no contact.

This happened to my cousin many years ago. He left the marriage and first wife discouraged all contact. His child (maybe two years old when he left) grew more and more resistant to seeing him so that in the end he gave up. He remarried (very happily so far as I can tell) and had four children with second wife. He has never seen his first child or had any contact in maybe forty years. I'd say try to find out as much as you can and use your gut instincts.

You need to somehow find out the full story. There are some vindictive people out there (male and female) and he could he telling you the truth.
I have a friend who lost custody of her son because her ex threw money at the battle, she had a breakdown in the end and lost everything.

It would make me question why ? Would he do the same to me if I had a child with him?
Alarm bells !

I did but shouldn't have, although he has stepped up with our dc

When I was younger then I did, and he told me that his ex didn’t allow him to see the child, now that I’m older with my own child then I realise that any normal loving parent would fight tooth and nail to see their child and that when men say such crap then it’s because they aren’t interested in their child but they can’t say that out loud so they have to blame their ex. A man that doesn’t care about his own flesh and blood isn’t going to care about you, not really, this type of men is wholly selfish and only cares about himself.

I'm fairly certain that every man who doesn't see their kids blames the mother and in some cases that's even true but in a lot of cases it's bullshit. This wouldn't necessarily stop a relationship but I would make 100% sure not to have kids with him.

Anyone who thinks their aren’t vindictive mothers out there is high on something.

There are vindictive mothers but in the case of my ex then he was proved to be talking shit when he left me when our daughter was born so when men tell me that their exes don’t let them see the child, and yet they haven’t been to a lawyer about access then I think that they’re full of shit.

Indeed, Travis...

I once worked for a woman who would tear up the birthday card in the post for her son from his dad, and bin it. The son wouldn't even know he'd got one.

God knows what bullshit she was spinning him....

God, I wish I'd had the support of MN 14 years ago!!

No waste of time and asking for trouble don't fall for the sob story he's letting you know he's an arsehole before you even begin.

But just don’t tar everyone with the same brush.
Make your own choices. Have boundaries, be able to see bullshit. Spot red flags.

It’s fucking hugely expensive to take someone through the court process properly.
A friend of mine won on every point, then the child is ill. The child is tired, the child doesn’t want to go out. Etc etc.
And eventually the child made their “own” choice not to see him.
This is a man who paid everything, turned up at everything, fathered properly, loved his children. Then his wife left him for someone else, fine, crap but fine.
everyone says how can you give up fighting. He fought for 6 years and 40k down.
He won.
They just don’t want to see him. Because after 6 years age 10-17 how the fuck can you win if the other person doesn’t want you to and makes out you’re evil. Or simply wants to reinvent a life without you in it.

Anyway. I would date someone. But I would need proof that they had at least tried.

There’s Legal Aid though too

Of course there are some vindictive mothers

There are also abusive fathers who get away with emotional, financial, physical and sexual violence because the police or courts fail to prosecute them
Clare's law can't tell you about them, because they got away with it
So another "warning" sign would be them having no contact with their kids
Because Cafcass try to vet out abusers and men they see as not trying hard enough (that's if they even go to court) and do hair strand tests to vet out drunks and druggies, and then when that's over they often still give men the opportunity to redeem themselves, go to contact centres etc. Etc.

So some men have been given multiple chances to prove themselves to be good Dads

And yes, I understand that sometimes the system gets it wrong and good men lose out on a relationship with their kids.

And as I said before, yes you do get some vindictive mothers.

But these are the exceptions to the big fat rule. Most men who do not have contact with their kids are not good dads or good men. They are waving one stinking great big red flag. I'm not going to be the mug who ignores that (not again). We all have the right to draw a line in the sand.

@MinniesMum1606

Legal aid doesn't cover this now. It does cost them money to take it to court initially but from there it doesn't cost anything if they represent themselves unless they have to take it back to court again

@MinniesMum1606
Is that an actual joke!

And if you have just about enough money and you desperately want to resolve things
OF COURSE
you will pay a lot of money for a decent barrister.
Do people really think that self representing is a good idea unless you have no other options

In 2001 when my ex said he wasn’t allowed to see his daughter then I’m pretty sure Legal Aid existed