Would you enter into a relationship with a man who had no contact with his child?

[Japanesejazz]

Obviously in his words his ex has poisoned the child against him The child is in their late teens.

No, not a chance. You don't walk away from a child ever.

It's very rare a court would grant to access unless there was a danger to the child.

Depends on the circumstances, although I don't say that lightly.

I know of someone who has no contact with their child - not through choice - because the child is in an extremely religious wider family where 'outsiders' are shunned. Trying to have any kind of relationship with someone in the religion is virtually impossible. Trying to maintain contact was causing the child extreme distress (understandably, as they are being told the absent parent is literally the devil). You have to put what's best for the child front and centre - and in this case a lengthy court battle and leaving them caught in the middle would have been incredibly damaging. So they made the decision to stop pursuing it. I know that they hope that one day, the child will break free from the religion (as some do) and take the opportunity to get in touch - they've left their details with several organisations that are set up to help people who leave strict religions like this.

No

No. Big red flag.

@Frouby the ex would have had to have permission for the dc to be adopted. If a man did that I would definitely not be going out with him.

Depends on how much of the truth I knew.
My friend had a relationship with a woman and she deliberately got pregnant by him. Within weeks of finding out she completely ghosted him.
The baby is now 6 months old and he has never seen her, he’s spent all his savings on solicitors fees trying to gain access but so far she has ignored the court order.
My friend looks ill with all the stress and has lots loads of weight.
On the other hand dh best mate is a Disney dad and doesn’t pay anything towards his kids. I judge him a lot.

Nope not a chance.

When I met DH he hardly saw his kids as his ex would cancel plans at the last minute, say they didn't want to see him etc. DH tried to keep the peace but eventually went to court. If he hadn't, parental alienation would have no doubt have led to him not seeing his children at all.

It's easy to say that Fathers should fight through the courts to see their children. DH self-represented and it still cost thousands. Not everyone has access to that type of money. Others are intimidated by the legal system and others, like a family friend, don't want to drag their families through acrimonious proceedings. It's not black and white.

It’s easy to presume however my dad has no contact with my half siblings through no choice of his own. He fought for years to see them. He nearly bankrupted himself paying for lawyers and making the ex happy financially but still she poisoned them against him and then refused to let them come. After about 5 years when we were having to live crammed into a cheap rental
Property with a car so old it was a miracle it ran he eventually gave up with the legal fights. He always made clear they could come to him when they wanted to. He’s tried to contact them over the years every now and then but still she blocks it.

So yes I would date and see what he is like for myself as sometimes it’s the bat shit crazy ex that’s the problem who’s slowly crushing the soul of a decent man.

No, bit only because in my experience, I have never come across a woman who stops their child seeing their father without a reason. Their obviously are some but I don't know any.

And actually none of them actually stopped the fathers seeing the children, the fathers eventually just didn't bother theor arse and got bored or started new families.

Have you not? I know of at least two. Some women are so incredibly bitter they use the kids as weapons. If you think it doesn’t happen then you’re fooling yourself

I would and have. My now husband spent years fighting through the courts for access to his daughter, spending thousands. He has suitcases full of court papers showing that he fought, and the child’s mother repeatedly failed to attend court until he ran out of money to fight any more. This was over the course of a few years. They were both very young when his child was born. Although he never stopped paying child support and has been open to contact now his child is an adult sadly it hasn’t worked out. I can see the pain it causes him and he is determined to be a proper dad to our children. So it would depend on individual circumstances.

NO. But loads of women are perfectly happy taking up with such men and procreating some more with them.

No absolutely not. I know of a bloke who would have you believe that his ex had poisoned his child against him. I actually went to school (and then sixth form) with the lad and I remember him showing us (and telling us about) a letter and several emails he had written to his father asking him to get in touch and that he would like to know him and he never got a reply. It took me a few years to realise who his dad actually was and suddenly the blokes absolute adamance that his ex was poisonous and had turned the boy against him completely made sense. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m quite sure it does. But after hearing this bloke lie and spout bile about his ex being a poisonous cow I will always take anything said about exes with a massive pinch of salt. He used to say things like his ex had moved counties to get his child away from him and that she was rinsing him for all he had maintenance wise when actually, when all came to all, he was the one who took an overseas posting without telling her and she had never moved from the street they lived in when they were together. The only reason she was “rinsing” him was because he was adamant that his earnings whilst overseas (substantial- he liked to boast about that bit!) shouldn’t have been calculated as his actual earnings because he was abroad. The mind boggles how he was working that out since it wasn’t a voluntary agreement as he’d not spoke to her directly since he left her at home with a 6 month old one weekend and never came home.

Anyway long story short. No.

No, I did when I was
young and naive (furst boyfriend) and guess what?! now he doesnt see our kids at all or pay maintenance. Like another
PP said he doesnt struggle to find gfs either though but I know he tells women he doesnt have kids 🤷‍♀️ but has 5.

Absolutely not. Either he’s a liar (very likely) and can’t be bothered or worse, or he comes with drama and stress. No, I don’t think I would ever choose to invite that into my life

Hell no! My ex currently has a much younger girlfriend and he must be spinning her a real line. He sees our teen when he feels like it. The teen is grateful for any crumbs of attention that he gets and takes his anger out on me. Ex hasn't seen the littlest one for a year because he refuses to pick her up. He wants to force me to meet him halfway even though I don't drive and would have to hang around then take DC home after a few hours.

He says he doesn't have suitable accommodation for them to stay, but won't engage with the divorce, where he could get money to buy somewhere suitable.

The teen is in therapy due to his Dad's continuing abuse and I am currently in the process of mediation re the little one, but he's still sticking to his guns, so it looks likely that I will have to shut that door on him. I frequently offered access but he wanted to use it to control me and my (very rare) spare time.

The therapist thinks it's best for the youngest to not see him because he'll fuck her up as well.

It is breaking my heart and I now have a session booked with the therapist and the youngest to find the best way to explain why she doesn't see Daddy but sees the older one.

I have a lovely man in my life who adores her, and vice versa. When we discussed how a permanent break from ex would leave us permanently with no free time together he just shrugged as said we had to do what's best for the DC.

So, OP, find a man like that instead.

Nope. But I’d probably find out first if he was still paying maintenance and how far he’s gone in his attempts to maintain contact. I’m struggling to think of a circumstance I’d find acceptable tbh.

No way.

My ex had kids and I heard the sob stories and of course, it turned out that he was a liar and she'd been trying to get him to have contact for years but he wasn't interested. He now has children with three women, sees none of them and is shacked up with number four who is desperate to get pregnant to him - god only knows why.

He's nearly 40, has six kids he doesn't see or speak to, lives with a girl in her 20's and her mother - what a catch!

It massivley depends on circumstances.

Age, how old he was, how old the child is, what the circumstances are the list of scenarios is endless

It’s too big a deal to be black and white over it all.

I also wouldn't be interested in a man whose children aren't completely independent adults. It's all just too much hassle dealing with other peoples kids as well as your own.

If the DC is late teens then it may be their decision not to see him, which should probably be respected. Who knows? I have met both men and and women who play games around access. It gives me huge respect for separated parents who don't, especially when they don't like each other! I think keep an open mind and bear in mind you are only hearing one side.

Oh how quick you all are to judge, I have male friends and their ex wives / partners wont let them have any contact with their kids unless they pay for the privilege.
'Want a Skype conversation with your sun daughter/son? It will cost you X amount' They already pay more than expected child maintenance and got half their pensions taken away and They're ex wives were the ones who had affairs.
Some people are shits and use their kids and poison them against their dads

I have found incredibly few couples where there isn't some kind of contact issues when they break up.

But no contact at all and no current court case? Big red flags.