Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

supercali I think I need to learn from your gay pal.
I'm just always optimistic that they'll be better in real life. I should've learnt by now that they never are.

TooOld sorry to hear that about MrPicard. That's a bit abrupt!

Am not going to chase. I just sent 'Ok' then blocked. Am not going to msg MrG&T either. Not chasing men anymore full stop. Will stay on the apps but not even going to do any swiping.

I've arranged a date with my spare iron for next weekend
I need cheering up and he seems fairly keen.

TooOldForThis67 - sorry to hear it’s ended but I don’t think you’ll regret blocking him!

I think I also had about 30 dates last year but only a few second dates. I ditch them at the slightest red flag (I tell them the truth/prevaricate/block, depending on the situation) and I really do think it’s for the best. I’d rather be at home than on a crap, or even mediocre, date.

Quality over quantity all the way!

@myold yeah....ive never had so so chat and interest in the photos that has gotten better in person. Lessons learned

So Mr hotcrazydoctor and I are going out on Sunday for cocktails,lunch,bowling.

@toooldforthis im giving you a whoop whoop for decisive action!

I'm really spinning out about WhatsApp messaging, I guess it's because we dtd and it seemed quite meaningful but I have been hurt quite a lot in the past and am quite wary.

Talking tonight and he's saying nice things but I'm getting freaked out even if the ticks have a small delay when it says online because I start thinking maybe he's talking to someone else too... then I've made a comment to which he hasn't replied in 30+ mins though again I've seen him online.

Now I'm going between a) was what I said really lame b) is he talking to someone else c) am I mental and d) should I just sack the whole thing off?? I do find the dating game very hard and I'm not good at putting myself out there. Sorry to rant, I am trying not to get in my head about it but not doing very well...

@leonasa
You know men can be chatting to mates too on what's app.
Don't assume it's a love interest.

How come you dtd with him?
Not wanting to get to know him first..

Unique it wasn't first date, it was the second and we have also been talking a lot for three weeks +, he has been away for work which is why there was a bit of a gap between dates. It felt very natural and was lovely. But yes, had we waited I would probably be feeling less paranoid about it, from that point of view I probably should have.

You are right about the chatting to mates on WhatsApp too, I sometimes do that at the same time so it would look the same! ☺️

I did just text him again to say goodnight and he texted straight back, with a kiss. Unfortunately he is going away now for another week so we haven't got another date lined up (though we've talked about it).

I will probably just sit back a little bit and let him do the running and see how that goes..

@wishywashy6 we moved of WhatsApp as we were both reading too much in to blue ticks and length of time to read messages aAnd respond I was thinking he took too long and then he said exact thing to me. We both have busy jobs and kids etc I'm trying to not be so insecure about it all.

@leonasa I'm the same as you get too in my head me and my guy are not using WhatsApp anymore. It's hard in beginning but worth it if you can keep your head. I even dumped mine but luckily we managed to sort it out. Post here anytime we've all been there x

@BeyondShattered so happy for you xx

@leonasa I find turning off the 'last seen' in WhatsApp does wonders for your sanity. Has DTD changed things for you in your head, do you think? See it makes no odds to me, I mostly think its best to get the first try out of the way and see.

It doesn't move a relationship from not serious to serious for me, it's just a fun thing to do together but I'm not really the romantic type

tooold do you think he’s ended things as he’s found out you are talking to mrg&t? How long were you going out? Hope you are ok?

leonasa I turned off last seen, muted his conversation, archived it in between messages and turned off read receipts. It really helped me chill on reading too much into wattsapp.

@Focus2019 oohhh ok I see! I use WA for pretty much all convos with friends etc so just wondered what the reason was and if I was missing something!
The blue tick thing never bothered me, I'm the worlds worst for reading then not replying for ages so I wouldn't hold it against anyone else 😆

RE: WA what I notice among male freinds is they tend to be in at least 1 or 2 all-male chat groups talking banter/footie/memes/crap....

Hi all, thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it! I am really going to try and relax about it, he does have a busy job and a kid who he has half the time so I need to stop reading so much into things. I have last seen off already and will look at the read receipts though I guess it turns mine off for him too which might look a little weird!! Bloody WhatsApp, I do understand why people would move off it now!

War it's not so much that it changes it to a serious relationship for me but I think it has deepened my feelings and I also have a bit of paranoia about guys getting what they want and then disappearing after sex. Though he has given me no reason to think he will. It has been a longish time for me, about 10 months, after two consecutive quite traumatic relationships, and he is the first person I've actually felt anything for, so I think that has added to it all.

Focus that's my worry a bit, that I will freak out about it and end up being super weird with him or even ending it! I will try and avoid that though - glad you managed to get it all back on track x

@supercali77 that's very true actually! I'm in a couple of group chats on there too (in fact there's a bunch of us that met through this thread who have a group chat going!) and if it's very active I'll open it and scroll through to keep up with the convo but reply when I have time to actually think about what I'm writing!!

Reading some of these posts makes me more satisfied in my decision to knock dating on the head before Christmas! Reasons mostly were what a lot of you have described - getting over invested, constant swiping/phone checking, being let down, disappointment, etc, etc.

I will say though, with the last guy I was seeing (who decided to go back to his wife after 5 weeks), we only ever texted, not WA'd and it was a breath of fresh air! No blue ticks or last online's to worry about, just a reply when he/I was ready. We are still friends and I'm sure that's how we've managed to stay in touch! Even met for a coffee yesterday...all very civilised!

Thanks for the reality check supercali and myold. I am now trying to reserve judgment until after this first date. As someone who attracted Narcs in my past, I really should know better than to over-invest so soon. (Although, I can spot one quite easily nowadays and there have been zero red flags so far).

Trying to get over my issue of talking to more than one, I finally downloaded Tinder... Not sure what I think of it yet. Can't select men >40, so there's a ton of goodlooking 30 year olds I am not interested in, also people hardly write anything on their bios! I want to know if they have kids (I prefer that). the first convo I had with a match told me to stop using filters on my pics... ummm I don't? He got unmatched immediately. If anything it is giving me a distraction from Mr. Lawyer.

So happy to have found this thread

Filters, what is it with all the ears and cat whiskers?!?
I downloaded Match last night in a momentary fit of depression about being 47 and I'm going to be single for the rest of my life
I was curious as to what my future options might be, but christ there's a lot of cat ears and noses, or birds or stars flying round heads! Or sunglasses in every picture so I can't see what you look like, or every picture has a horse in it. That seems to be the female equivalent of a fish
However in amongst all that I was pleasantly surprised, so feel less depressed this morning.

@beyond fantastic news, so happy for you!

@supercali, I'm near the Granite City

@myold, onwards and upwards!

had first coffee date with OKC guy last night (the one who didn't have a photo). Date was okay, conversation flowed okay but didn't feel a spark, he felt quite uptight and boring (maybe he was nervous idk). He caught me off guard by asking to move from OKC to text/WA. Didn't have the heart to say no (plus I'm a believer in trying to get to know someone over a few meetings unless it's really dire). He tried a kiss on the lips as we were parting as well.

It's strange, but i seem to be attracting some guys who are mid 30's no kids, never married etc.

Mr Wine from Tinder messaged out of blue on Tuesday, he away with work until mid feb so trying to pin him down for a coffee is going to be harder than nailing jelly to a wall I feel, but he looks most like "my type" and has a child so he is more the kind of guy i would hope something to develop with.

A few irons on the go, it's weird I felt a bit guilty meeting OKC guy for coffee when Mr Z and I have been on 4 dates, sort of felt like cheating lol, but i'm telling myself that they are doing it too so why shouldn't I? I put all my eggs in one basket with Mr cheekybanter and then Mr Italy (and look how that turned out lol) so I'm definitely not doing that again at this early stage!