Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I think that sounds like decent communication Leather! No rules on how you want to play it really, I personally probably would wait for them to mention a second date but I'm a bit weird about these things! I agree a message about how you enjoyed it and hinting towards a second would be fine at this point and probably make you feel better about it all.

Last time I had a good first meeting..
Went out on the Saturday evening, got a brief text after asking if I got home ok etc.
Then I didn't text until he did which was then Tuesday afternoon ish.
Everyone is different.
We had a nice enough evening there was no reason to think that he wouldn't be in contact again so why should I worry and chase and make small talk just for the sake of it.
But yeh in the past I've over thinked looked at phone every hour. But it's too stressful.

@Ant330 haha, I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try!

Conversation arranging third date:
Me - is this weekend too keen?
Ms storm - I was thinking tonight

This has been such a surprise, I'm over the bloody moon :)
(don't over invest, don't over invest, don't over invest...!!!)

@beyond That is a damn fine reply!

@BeyondShattered that's awesome! 🙊

@BeyondShattered so excited for you that's smashing

My iron has ignored the fact I'm a grumpy cow rn and has been messaging and been nice.

@beyond that's awesome! So you are doing tonight then??

@beyond that sounds exciting!

My MrDistraction from Bumble has turned out to be pretty lovely. I can't believe I met someone so quickly... I am worried about rushing into things but it feels right so just going to see how things go. It is nice to be with someone who actually wants to spend time with me.

So I've got my first date in 20 years lined up with Mr Lawyer on Friday, who I already am way to over invested in. Then someone else messages me today, nice looking, same age as me so 10 less than Lawyer. And, now I am embarking on a back n forth chat with him. But it feels so wrong! How do you guys handle talking to more than one at once? I mean I know Lawyer is definitely talking to more than me, he's always online whenever I go on but at the same time he seems so sweet and eager. Is this where the thick skin comes in?

singleascheeseslice You have to remind yourself that talking and dating more than one person at a time is perfectly normal, most people do it and it helps with not getting over invested. Takes a bit of getting used to.

Unfortunately I can't get to her tonight as I have the kids, and she can't get here either. But third date is now arranged for Saturday :)

Single, I really struggle with it too. I don't think it helps that XH had a fair few emotional affairs over the years, and in my head I kind of equate the two (though obviously logically I know it's not the same)

ok thanks likeridingabike I'll just keep soothing my anxious self with the idea its normal!

I'm so glad to hear its not just me beyond it does feel like cheating. I kind of feel like when you are trying to get over someone, so you talk to someone else but deep down wish it was the other person. So yes, defo overinvested on the lawyer. Only been speaking to him 3 days :/

Beyond that sounds lovely. Good luck the next date.

singleascheese remember you haven't met Mr Lawyer yet. Keep your options open at this stage.

@single happens to us all especially in the beginning. I do it even now 1 year later if someone's got great chat. I have male freinds with the same feeling so I think it's pretty tricky for everyone. Not wanting to over invest but going against your own instincts

I've come off all the apps....again! I need a re-think based on some of the lovely feedback I've had from members of this thread.

And I had a look back over my dating history of 2018. I was surprised to discover that I'd actually had dates with 23 men. But out of those, there were only 2 that I wanted to see again.

Had a second date with one, then he went back to his ex. The other never found time for another date.

And out of the remaining 21, I'd say that there were only 5 I actually looked forward to meeting. The rest I met because they asked and I felt I couldn't say no at that point. Or because I had nothing better to do.

2019 is about quality not quantity. Just need to sort out my profile so I attract the right sort of man.

That's a pretty good amount MyOld!! I have never counted all my dates - but I did have what seemed like an endless stream of one date wonders. Or one day wankers !!

But BatshitCrazyWoman the majority of mine were one date wonders!
I could've saved myself quite a bit of time and effort it I'd weeded out the no-hopers initially at the messaging stage.

That would've left me with 7 dates in a year. Not quite so impressive.

Me too! I got better at the weeding bit as time went on!

Ah well, am no longer MrPicard's girlfriend! The odd thing is, whilst I'd hidden my profile on POF, I was still chatting to another iron, MrG&T. He has gone silent on me today. As both live in the same town and do the same job, I suspect they could even work together and I've been rumbled! I'd agreed to meet MrG&T Friday daytime, mostly just to rule him out as I did really like MrPicard.
Lesson learnt I suppose.

p.s. Hope you're OK Dan?

@myoldbrain my gay pal is on grindr but hardly ever meets. He has quite a thorough screening process and says quality over quantity every time. I've been doing it recently. Saves so much time! Another gold tip I got is to have a call first. I've been doing that. Weeded out on idiot the other week like this

@tooold oh No! How did it end with mr Picard??

supercali - All was ok this morning, usual msgs with xx's. Then silence. Sent a msg basically asking if I've done or said anything to upset him and he replied, much later, that he'd been doing some thinking and that it wouldn't work. No other explanation.

@tooold flippin eck that's a bit weird. How long were you dating for? And texting to say that rather than calling....again odd