Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

TheSheepHaveEyes absolutely no reason to mention your dress size. You have a full length photo so don’t give it too much head space. I know it’s easier said than done.
As women we often get caught up in the “will I be too big/small, not interesting enough, etc etc” when really we should be thinking in terms of do they do it for us. Hopefully we will eventually meet the one where the “hell yes!” is mutual.

Anyone who has been dating exclusively can you give me some tips on the early days please? I’m finding the exclusive with someone I don’t really know yet stage quite difficult. I think I may end up rushing things and scaring him off but it’s the first time I have got to this point and I’m not sure how to keep things moving forwards without going full throttle? We are only 7 dates in but have dtd (a lot 😳) and we both want to give it a chance to see where it goes.

@Lovemusic33 is it the constant talking that makes you feel that he may not be relationship material or is there more? How would he react to gentle teasing about his monologues? Do you think he would laugh with you and allow you to steer the conversation more? Or would he take offence?

Mulie I’m not sure, I’m not really feeling well today so I found it hard listening to him (I’m quite tired), there’s no huge red flags, he seems quite honest, maybe a little too honest and there are a few things he has done in his past that most people wouldn’t be proud off and probably wouldn’t chose to tell someone on the 2nd date but then I am guilty of over sharing things too. I think I’m just extra cautious because of past expereances.

Sometimes it was hard to get a word in, though I tried very hard, usually when I go on a date it’s me doing most of the talking as I talk when I’m nervous. I have a feeling he’s a bit of a free spirit and I can’t imagine her likes anyone telling him what to do (I am similar), we maybe too similar.

Mulie- I’m only 4 months in. We did drinks, food, cinema at first but pretty soon just moved to staying in with takeaway or movie- suited us as jugging kids.
Lily rose- your story freaks me a little. Do you agree you wanted different things? Don’t we all just want to be with someone who makes us happy? Def back out there quick 😊

ccgirr I have no idea what happened to be honest. We were doing really well (I thought) and from the beginning he told me how much he liked me and how much he enjoyed spending time with me. We went away for a long weekend a few weeks ago and we were really loved up. Then he suddenly went cold on me and I asked him if we were alright. He got very defensive and said that nothing had changed. The next day he sent me a very long rambling text about how we clearly wanted different things and he was very sorry but he couldn't give me what I wanted. He asked me not to contact him for a few days, but said that he would be prepared to talk to me about it in due course.

I was pretty shocked but I think I may have dodged a bullet as he is clearly a bit troubled. I do have form for trying to fix complicated men but I am backing away from this one before I get pulled back in, hence my foray back into OLD and looking at Fab as well. Totally out of character for me as I have never had a ONS or a FWB in my life!

@Mulie we just tried to take things one day at a time and enjoy the now rather than getting carried away thinking too far ahead in the early days. We still try have a proper 'date night' once every couple of weeks but we've now progressed to cooking together quite a bit/ nights in. Oh and I'm training him to run a half marathon with me in May 😬
We've been together nearly 7 months now and have only really properly discussed the future together over the last month or so (although there had been plenty of playful hints towards it prior to that!)
I think it's a case of playing it by ear and seeing where you end up to be honest!
I don't think I'd ever be worried about scaring anyone off though, if they're scared of you being you then perhaps they're not the right one for you!

Thanks @wishywashy6 I just have so many issues from my hideous long term relationship. Over 20 years in total and we moved in together after 3 weeks so this is all completely new to me even at my grand old age. One day at a time is going to be my mantra 🙂

Ugh, just spoken on the phone to a match from Tinder (who is local to me) and he was very inarticulate and racist. Nope. Thank goodness I spoke to him before meeting.

Haha Shit, what is it about men who claim to be 5’11?! Is it the magic height for liars? I met one who said he was that height but I was eye-to-eye with him in flat shoes and I’m 5’3! He also claimed to be a City lawyer when he was actually a paralegal who occasionally visited his firm’s offices in the City A real shame as he was quite a nice and attractive guy in many other ways. They really do shoot themselves in the foot with such blatant lies.

I told him that his OLD profile didn’t seem to be entirely honest and he asked me for examples... I didn’t respond.

batshit I always call first. Weeds out so much bad business and wasted time

I do too supercali - you can tell so much!

Oh dear shit!

So, date all firmed up for tomorrow We're going for a walk round a loch that is about 40 minutes away from me and 1h40 drive for him, and then to get some lunch in the town afterwards. I'm hoping the wind dies down a bit! I have been umming and awwing about what to wear, but I think I'll just wear what I'd usually wear when I'm walking (jeans, top, fleece or hoodie, coat), take a hat, scarf and gloves, and instead of wearing walking boots, I'll wear my slightly nicer ones. From memory, it's a pretty good path, so I should be okay.

I don't know whether to take a bag. I don't really like handbags, and would usually stuff things in my pockets. I have a small cross shoulder bag which might do, or I might borrow my daughters Fjallraven Kanken, if I decide a small rucksack would be better.

I think it's about 5km, and I'm a bit worried about finding enough things to talk about with him We've not spoken on the phone, and we haven't really discussed likes/dislikes etc so far, so I guess those things.

Can you tell this is one of the first dates I've been on in 20 years?

Thesheep sounds like a my kind of date, I like walking and have met a few of my dates at some of my regualar walking spots, I usually wear skinny jeans, walking boots and a jumper (coat if needed) and I either stuff things in my pocket or use a rucksack. I’m sure you will find loads to talk about, it’s quite easy when you are walking because you can always talk about things you see along the way. Good luck, hope it goes well.

Good luck for tomorrow TheSheep

Good luck TheSheep - sounds like a great idea for a date. Fingers crossed for you!

Oh shit yuck. He sounds awful.

Well. Had the 2nd date with doctor. Dtd. Very good. Not sure about compatibility beyond that...hes nice. Interesting. Funny. But more introverted than me. I tend to be drawn to people as outgoing as myself. Who knows? He invited me to a theatre thing for tonight but I've got my dd. So just texting and seeing where it goes.

So, he WA me to cancel Said he'd been up in the night not feeling well. His message woke me up, so we had a really lovely chat on WA for a while. He seems to be a lovely bloke, and whilst I am disappointed that he cancelled, I don't think he is messing me around. He took himself back off to bed with a Lemsip, and said he'd message later to let me know how he was feeling. I'm hoping that either he feels better later on, or tomorrow, because I have the kids next weekend so it's another two weeks before I am free to meet up.

Oh well. A day of housework while the kids are with their dad it is then

Aw sorry to hear that thesheephaveeyes it sounded like a lovely date. I hope you get to rearrange.

Sounds awful shitwithsugaron has it put you off Fab?

TheSheep I hope you get a chance to rearrange. That date sounds lovely.

shitwith what a creep!

I've decided I'm not brave enough for Fab. I tried again but despite saying I would only reply to messages with a face pic, most didn't include one. The ones that did were a definite no way.