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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

999 replies

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 28/01/2019 12:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Scottishlassie81 · 07/02/2019 09:26

I'm a bit more calm today and accepting the reality of things. I can't force folk to do something they don't want to.

I've refocused my efforts to meet new folk on the app(s) I am on. I'm still a bit scared of Tinder.

Hope everyone has as good day.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/02/2019 09:36

Scottish I was wary of Tinder too but my (less than 12 hours) experience has been fine - and I got a date really quickly!

Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2019 10:04

shit I wouldn’t put your KiK user name on your profile or you will get loads of messages, just give it to the people you are interested in. Also be aware that some of the messages you receive are sent by the site themself rather than the person, I worked this out on another site when someone messages me saying I had sent them a message, I hadn’t sent the message the site sends them to get people talking and to make it look like you have loads of interest.

Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2019 10:11

I’m going to wait to contact Mr South African, I am confused as to why he can’t drive tomorrow, I should have asked why? He didn’t mention the car having to go to the garage or anything like that, now I’m thinking maybe he’s having some kind of surgery? Or maybe he’s out on the pj’s tonight and will be over the limit? He did say he wasn’t sure if he would be able to drive. Maybe I should just wait and see what he says, if he says he can’t drive then I can say I’m not driving all the way to him due to the weather but can meet Monday instead?

unique1986 · 07/02/2019 10:20

Silly question and should of asked before, but what is your name?

Oh right yeh lol
It's Abbie

Guessing your Rob?

Really! Absolutely no word of a lie but Abbie is my all time favourite girl's name, it definitely suits you.

Hmm
shitwithsugaron · 07/02/2019 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

richdeniro · 07/02/2019 11:15

Well I know it was stupid on my part. I just guess I didn't want her to think that I thought she was a 'total shit' as per her final message to me and that she could reach out to me if she wanted to at some point further down the line.

I know it was needy, clingy, desperate, etc etc and reading it back now I am cringing.

I guess I can't take it back now though.

helpmeoutout · 07/02/2019 12:03

Youc an't take it back @richdinero but please don't do it again.

Eesha · 07/02/2019 12:14

placemarking!

wishywashy6 · 07/02/2019 12:36

@Scottishlassie81 good!
You deserve better than to just be treat as an option.
Don't get me wrong, if you're happy being just one of his irons and you've got others too and you're both happy with that arrangement then that's totally different. But your posts made it sound like you were holding out for his feelings to change at the sacrifice of your own.

Notcoolmum · 07/02/2019 13:16

tooold that sounds very civilised. But agree 3 weeks seems too long.

wishywashy we have come off the apps and he wasn’t dating anyone else but knows I’ve cleared the decks for him now. We have had the exclusive chat but I don’t know if there should be another one?! I feel like a silly teenager!! We talk all day on wattsapp, speak on the phone, see each other a couple of times a week and he has met my kids. (They are teens). He is still married (separated) and hasn’t discussed him dating with his ex or kids.

wishywashy6 · 07/02/2019 13:23

@Notcoolmum I'm not sure another chat is needed!
I can't say when it happened exactly but he started referring to me as his 'girlfriend' a little while ago. He's recently met my kids and we've openly spoken about wanting a future together but other than the original 'exclusive' chat we've never made it officially official if that makes sense?! We just are 😆

Notcoolmum · 07/02/2019 13:27

Yes that makes sense wishy I think it’s a bit complicated as he’s not ready to talk to his ex and kids about dating yet. But other than that we feel good.

scottishlassie it doesn’t sound like he is giving you what you want. Definitely set your boundaries and stick to them.

TooOldForThis67 · 07/02/2019 14:20

notcool - my last b/f was like that. His ex and kids found out, he didn't tell them and it hurt tbh. One of the reasons we split after 9mths. He was more recently 'separated' and hadn't had to deal with the situation before. I was looking for long term and to me it was a sign that he wasn't ready. Actions speak louder than words.

So, ladies, thought I'd share a seduction tip. I've got a long sleeved cotton t-shirt from Next with a silver zip that goes down just past the chest area. It's a good fit but not tight. I've now had the 4th comment on dates about how they've been thinking about pulling the zip down! Not done it of course but seems to drive them wild!

Got a date/shag with MrYoung tonight. Seeing MrBirdsEye phantom zipper puller for breakfast.Grin

Scottishlassie81 · 07/02/2019 14:43

@Notcoolmum for sure! I am seeing more sense today and have been bumble-ing up a storm on the app.

Notcoolmum · 07/02/2019 14:52

I’m ok with it for now tooold as I understand his situation. But it couldn’t carry on this way indefinitely and we will need to discuss it again at some point. He has invited me out near him and that’s near his family home so he’s not hiding me away... and LOLZ at sex with Mr Young and breakfast with Mr BE!

scottishlassie good for you!! high five

shitwithsugaron · 07/02/2019 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supercali77 · 07/02/2019 18:14

I wanna get in on this zipped top action ... next?

IndieTara · 07/02/2019 18:32

Just looked on Next web site but couldn't see one !

WarIsPeace · 07/02/2019 19:05

I think we all did Indie Grin

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/02/2019 19:12

I used to have a dress with a zip down the front. Was a good date dress!

Bumbelinadance · 07/02/2019 19:43

Hi everybody

New here
44
Divorced . 20 years out of practice
Single Mum
Online dating
Self confidence ripped out of me

God there are some damaged goods out there. Dates 4 guys . Mercurial or what . ???
It hasn’t gone well so far

It’s nice to get dressed up and go out again though

Most recent
2 great dates last weekend ( same guy )
Date scheduled for tommorrow evening
Bantered all week ( audio message and text )

I booked the restaraunt
Left “ chirpy” message confirming details this morning

No reply

Did all the right stuff I thought .. no bonking etc . Was ladylike “ ( ffs what’s that )
Got a good morning text and several text each day since Sunday telling me how fabulous I am .
nothing today
Yesterday only only a row of text tongues ( wtaf is that )

No I haven’t done anything stalkerish or over invested.

crackofdoom · 07/02/2019 20:49

Hello folks, it's stubbornstains as was. Well, the forced logout- plus my account being registered to an ancient email account that bit the dust years ago- means that I've had a bit of an unintentional name change. 8 years I was stubbornstains.....EIGHT YEARS!!

Do you like the new user name? (twirls)

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/02/2019 21:17

Hi crack I thought I'd have to do that but managed to remain batshitcrazy Grin

crackofdoom · 07/02/2019 21:26

Is scottishlassie ex scottishgal by any chance? Grin