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Original poster

Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

999 replies

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 28/01/2019 12:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Leatherandsilk · 04/02/2019 15:54

Rich she’s a total and utter using shit and I’m sorry. That’s so self absorbed as a message, did she tell you she was dating someone else?

Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 15:55

rich sorry, that’s really shit but at least she didn’t ghost you and did kind of explain, shame she didn’t think of this before she jumped into bed with you Sad.

richdeniro · 04/02/2019 15:59

No real regrets about her coming back to mine as it seemed so right at the time, it was her who suggested it too. She couldn't keep her hands off me during the date itself once we'd had a kiss.

She did say she was dating others but I just assumed it was the kind of the thing whereby you are kind of dating others from Bumble as we were speaking in general about our Bumble experiences.

I'm guessing things can't be going great with this other person if she's still seeing others though.

Can't believe she blocked me before I could reply though, I was typing my reply and could see she was online but blocked me before I'd finished it and had time to send.

unique1986 · 04/02/2019 16:11

Can't believe she blocked me before I could reply though.

What was your reply going to be? Smile

Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 16:17

Sounds like she was just after a ego boost. Probably a lucky escape as she doesn’t seem to know what she wants or who she uses whilst she’s trying to work it out.

Original poster
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 04/02/2019 16:52

Love thanks, will have a look at that site

rich sorry she did that too you. Doesn't sound like she knows what she really wants. Maybe it felt like the right thing at the time but she had second thoughts/regrets after.

OP posts:
Leatherandsilk · 04/02/2019 16:57

Love I just signed up and got served a load of moving porn videos, I was on the train hope no one saw!!

Is there one with no active porn on it?!

Auba14 · 04/02/2019 17:15

Ah rich you have no luck do you! At least you can’t regret your experience of the date and inviting her back to your place - I think all of us would strive for a first date that goes as well as the way you’ve said yours did.

You weren’t ghosted and she sounds like a very confused young woman - was she drunk last night? As it’s so odd to go from being all over someone to then blocking them instantly without a chance to reply. Regardless of what happened it should give you a lot more confidence going forward, you obviously have a lot to offer it’s just meeting the right one for you.

Auba14 · 04/02/2019 17:19

Ps. Leatherandsilk can I hear this 2nd date story? I don’t think I’ve read it on any of the threads before...

Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 17:21

Leather I think there’s a way to stop the porn 🤣 never had a problem with it when I was on there but it may have changed, you can also opt out of seeing rude profile pics.

Leatherandsilk · 04/02/2019 17:24

Ok I’ll maybe take another look in private!! Blush

Auba I’ll PM not a light note for this thread though I’ve spoken about before.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2019 17:37

I used Fab Swingers. It's not just for swinging! I had a tasteful but slightly naughty profile pic, not showing my face. You can set it so that non members can't see you. Writing a profile is completely different than a normal dating site. Be completely up front - I used to say I wanted a FWB, that I was picky, that attraction is important so any messages without a face pic would be deleted without a reply. Always always a social meet first. Only safe sex. Use Kik for communication off the site.

I also said something like the brain is the biggest erogenous zone and that I like thw build up as well. This avoids those who think they'll get you into a hotel room and you'll just get naked and have sex. Foreplay etc is important! You can have a look at other women's profiles to see how they've worded them.

Anything else just ask!

Am just sorting out meeting up with one of my Fab FWBs now ...

Auba14 · 04/02/2019 17:51

Thanks leatherandsilk I’m just interested to hear what happened. I only joined a couple of threads ago so probably why I haven’t seen it.

wishywashy6 · 04/02/2019 18:08

@unique1986 fair enough. I don't think I'd have really thought much of him being out til that time. I'm 36 and it seems fairly normal to me to be out with my friends having a few drinks until the early hours (By contrast my BF is 26 and doesn't do lads nights out and never has more than a couple of beers!) but we've all got our boundaries/ likes and dislikes so nobody can really tell you how to play it, if it's something you don't like then perhaps he's not the man for you.
@richdeniro that must feel quite disheartening although you shouldn't see it as a reflection on you. It does seem like she really doesn't know what she wants and at least she had the decency to message you, although it's a bit shit of her to block you without allowing a reply! Perhaps she didn't want her other iron knowing about you 🤔

singleascheeseslice · 04/02/2019 18:15

I am still alive after my mountain date with mr.lawyer. Don't know what to think about it though. It was 6 miles all in, so by no means an easy date. We chatted great for about 80% of the time. The last mile I was so tired & low energy. I just don't know if I am attracted to him or not, sometimes I think I am but then he was trying to hold my hand and be touchy helping me over water and what not and it felt awkward. Also, I didn't really like that he had a beer when we stopped for a quick break in the middle of the day. He seems to drink far more than "socially" as it said on his profile. His mood took a nose dive after that I noticed also. When he dropped me back at my car, it was awkward again, he didn't ask to see me again and he hasn't messaged since whereas he does message a lot previous to this. I think I would see him once more to see if its just shy feelings on my part or lack of attraction but I don't know if he picked up on my resistance to touch. Ugh, not the best after date feeling tbh.

BeyondShattered · 04/02/2019 18:26

Well today I explained to my other iron that we needed to cool it off a bit and it was interesting, very "well I wasn't interested anyway" - wondering if iron is actually 12yo... Grin

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2019 18:42

Urgh Single if you felt like that when he was touching you it's probably a no. He nay well have sensed it.

shitwithsugaron · 04/02/2019 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Auba14 · 04/02/2019 19:48

Singleasacheeseslice One thing I took from your message, was that you didn't like when he ordered a beer when you stopped midway through the walk. Why is that? It seems a really odd thing to be hung up over.

Anyway, if it was as awkward as you say at the end, then he definitely isn't right for you. How did the date end?

singleascheeseslice · 04/02/2019 20:31

Batshit yeah I get the sense he picked up on it. Perhaps its confusing since I am confused! I get along with him so well, I just didn't feel the moves he made were timely I guess.

Auba it made me wonder if he's really for me, since I don't want a big drinker and drinking on Monday lunch time is just something I'd never do. It is possible it was to help with date nerves, I don't know!

I thanked him and jumped out the car at the end since there was a big awkward pause. I defo think he'd have tried to kiss me if I'd have been more receptive to his advances on the walk.

I just don't know if I need more time or if I am just not attracted to him.

Update: He's since messaged but is being somewhat reserved.

Auba14 · 04/02/2019 20:50

I think that if you were attracted to him, all of the other things wouldn't have mattered like ordering beer on a lunchtime. I do think first dates always end quite awkwardly anyway! But yeah, doesn't sound like his guy is right for you at all.

SortingItOut · 04/02/2019 21:08

MyOld

I'm in agreement with the others, I think some men are just not clear on what a FWB actually is.

Personally I have FB's - I literally want the sex, a bit of conversation before and after and that's it.
I don't want the friend part and I have made that clear. Although I have suggested to my long term FB that we move to FWB and start going out which he is up for but has a busy life like me so its been difficult to arrange.

I have never allowed anyone to my house, only my long term FB knows where I live, the rest think I live in a town nearby.

I also chat to guys on WA first, maybe have a phone conversation and then go to theirs making sure that my best friend has his name, address and phone number and I check in hourly.

I found some of my FB's on OKCupid and some on Bumble.

If I run out of guys I might join one of the others mentioned.....

richdeniro · 04/02/2019 21:30

@Auba

You weren’t ghosted and she sounds like a very confused young woman - was she drunk last night? As it’s so odd to go from being all over someone to then blocking them instantly without a chance to reply.

Well we drank a fair bit as we met up so early in the day but I wouldn't say she was hammered or anything.

Who know's what happened though from when she woke up to sending that message. Last night when she was at mine she was saying how much she liked me, how lovely I was and how she thought I was such an amazing catch.

Perhaps the fact we had such a connection and did get on so well triggered something? I don't know. We even spoke last night about how we were both emotionally available and how hard it had been on dating apps.

supercali77 · 04/02/2019 21:55

rich is there a chance she underemphasised whatever relationship she's in? It sounds like someone letting their hair down and then realising they shouldn't have done....e.g. clearly she's involved with someone beyond the usual casual dating

richdeniro · 04/02/2019 22:06

Definitely, we matched a couple of weeks ago and have been chatting since then. She mentioned yesterday that she was surprised I hadn't asked her out sooner although yesterday was the first time we were both free really which is why it did take so long to arrange.

She didn't mention that she had been seeing someone else until after we'd had sex for the second time - she told me she had been seeing someone for around 3 months last year but he ghosted her over Xmas and New Year so unless this guy had come back onto the scene she would have only been seeing someone for under a month.

She just didn't see the type who was in it for the fun and had not had the best of luck with dating apps much like myself.