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Original poster

Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

999 replies

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 28/01/2019 12:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
MIA12 · 04/02/2019 11:48

It’s shocking isn’t it MyOld

I’m not really looking for a FWB but just recovering from an op at the moment so have had to tell a few guys that I can’t meet up right away even though I’d like to. Scary how many of them offer to come to my house. Chancers or do some people do that?

supercali77 · 04/02/2019 11:49

I've actually gone round to someone's house for first meet - fancied pants off him. Great night. But pre-that we talked on the phone and he gave me his full name so I was able to crawl about and check his story. Also, he picked me up from the pub to go to his and met my freind (That would have been my option to back out without a kick off) . I sent the address to freind. It's all just basic common sense and if someone who does FWB regularly doesn't get that then i'd say either other women are being reckless? Or they don't have adequate experience.....he's gonna have to learn

supercali77 · 04/02/2019 11:52

love Ugh I hate crap texting game....i'm a fairly prolific texter. I like banter - it's what keeps the excitement going from one date to the next. It also tells you a bit about who they are, especially with kids and not as much time to see each other it's kinda essential

Original poster
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 04/02/2019 12:05

I think a lot of men say they want FWB but actually just want a quick hookup.
I'd have to meet someone first to assess their suitability. I've met too many men who look nothing like their profile photos. And too many with terrible/missing teeth!

Love that's a bit rubbish from Mr South African. I'm not a big texter myself but I try to send something every day just to keep the interest going.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 12:08

The texting thing is a bit rubbish, he talked non stop during our date but can’t seem to string more than 2 or 3 words together whilst texting and takes hours/days to reply. I’m going to try and not stress about it, I will see if he asks me on another date this week and go from there but I will be keeping my options open.

Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 12:10

MyOld I am always suspicious when a man isn’t smiling in his profile photo, I have turned up to dates to find men with missing (or rotting away) front teeth. My teeth are not perfect but I’m not happy when I smile 🤣

Earthlypowers · 04/02/2019 12:58

Hi all! I really like this thread. I'm in the middle of a rather messy divorce and I don't want a relationship any time soon but I miss physical side of a relationship. So, I decided to try online dating. I've tried Tinder so far. I thought it would be easy as I do not want anything complicated. Basically I just want someone to have decent enough sex on regular basis. I struggle to swipe right to be honest and so far I had a few coffee dates and one went further and we had sex. However, it turned out to be a disappointment. He was all full on when texting and then when we met up he lost erection once the intercourse had actually started. So it felt like a foreplay without actual sex. Judging by his reaction he wasn't surprised, but I was. Big time. I have no idea what happened - is it ED or he doesn't like condoms.
As for other guys I met, things just don't seem to click so easily - one went abroad, then another one went abroad, one seemed a bit pushy and didn't respect my boundaries so I decided no to pursue that one, another looked nothing like the photo, one is too busy with work and he is awful at texting but he seemed really keen when we had the coffee date and still maintains that he would really like to see me again.
It's been a month since I joined tinder and to be honest I expected more concrete results. Is it me being impatient or is this how things work?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2019 13:28

MyOld he's getting the FWB thing wrong. And the fact that his previous FWB arrangement ended because she wasn't available as much as he wanted is a red flag to me. It may just be based on sex, but FWBs is still a friendly mutually beneficial relationship, and you should definitely give a bit of shit about each others comfort and safety.

I'd recommend using a casual sex site to find one because the men there will mostly be far more respectful.

IndieTara · 04/02/2019 13:29

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I'm with you on the teeth!
I now ask men who don't smile on any profile pics about their teeth!
I've been caught out on dates too many times by toothless grins. Yuk

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2019 13:29

Earthly sounds completely usual for OLD sites to me 😅

IndieTara · 04/02/2019 13:29

@Earthlypowers it's not you. What you're experiencing is completely normal

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2019 13:31

I seem to have acquired a possible FWB - am wondering whether to pursue or to go back to one of my tried and tested ones ...

BeyondShattered · 04/02/2019 14:07

Been talking to ms storm for over five hours so far today! Grin wtaf?!

And there was a conversation that went along the lines of "I'm not sure we can actually call this fwb any more..." :) :) :)

unique1986 · 04/02/2019 14:08

I am worried about potentianlly meeting someone.
We have chat on the phone, one long call, then another shorter one a week later.
He likes Sport a lot.. Which is a turn off, esp Rugby out with the guys all night drinking.
Then says he only drinks socially.. erm but that could be every week.

Originally he said he doesn't like girls that judge after the 1st date, he likes to give people a chance, and see if there's chemistry after the 3rd or 4th date.

But last night he said keep in simple first meet, see how we get on, see If there's any chemistry.

Kinda annoyed me that he threw in the Chemistry word.
He says he is bit different as he has been single 9 years. Just had few month relationships every so often or not at all.

supercali77 · 04/02/2019 14:13

Earthly Welcome to online dating - yeah it's a needle in a haystack no matter what you're looking for. A good regular FWB who's genuinely great in the sack and low-drama is a diamond find

Unique Ehhh....are you looking for a relationship? Cos he doesn't sound like relationship material. RE: meetings, because i'm time poor I tend to have a call first, see what the chat is like, waste less time on seeing if there's a good match personality wise.

TooOldForThis67 · 04/02/2019 14:22

supercali and anyone else - yep, I've had 1st dates here and also gone to their house for 1st dates. I've always made it clear that I'm looking for a relationship ultimately and don't just want a hook-up. I vet them as much as is possible and always tell a TP what's going on, usually my ex! Lol. I only get a Sat eve free when my Mum looks after my son. It's not ideal and I've only ever had one bad experience in about 30+ first dates.

Out of interest, who pays for a baby/child-sitter and how much does it cost?

unique1986 · 04/02/2019 14:24

Yes I am looking for a relationship.
I thought we had a connection via what's app and email.
But after the 2nd phone call and knowing more about his life, it might not be worth meeting..

WarIsPeace · 04/02/2019 14:32

Bin them off if you're doubtful, it's not worth it.

So my current iron is referring to himself as my boyfriend, not seen him for a fortnight and he's been a bit crap Hmm
I have a first date with a new one on Fri who is more local and is a possibility.
I've been chatting to an old acquaintance who is keen for a date but I don't think we will. And I'm actively swiping, got a couple of matches but I'm not going first - new strategy Grin because I'm not bothered

Original poster
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 04/02/2019 14:51

BatshitCrazyWoman are there any particular casual sex sites you'd recommend.

I know it's asked before but I don't remember anyone naming a good site and I'm a bit scared to just randomly Google one.

Potential FWB man has agreed to meet me for a drink as I suggested. But I can see him getting fed up very quickly when I'm not available for him.

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 04/02/2019 15:10

@unique1986 did he say he was out drinking all night long with the rugby lads or have you just drawn that conclusion because he likes sport? Do you think he's worth one date to judge better whether you see anything there?
It's so hard to tell until you've met.
The word chemistry in itself wouldn't put me off, perhaps he was just meaning see if you felt a connection/ fancied each other kind of thing?? Which is really what a first date is all about!
Up to you at the end of the day whether you think he's worth a shot Smile

unique1986 · 04/02/2019 15:39

@wishywashy6

He told me he went out to watch The England game, not really expecting to still be there by 1 am.
I think he reminded me of someone still in their twenties.
Oh and he said there's another game next weekend but he could meet me after and not stay as long this time.
I said I would rather you hadn't already been out for a couple before meeting for the first time.

Turns out he got the dates wrong so can meet on Saturday without Rugby getting in the way.

I will see what happens, he has not been in touch today anyway.

Leatherandsilk · 04/02/2019 15:41

ARGH I do NOT understand why any of you go to/ have people to your home on a first meet! I feel like a I need to repeat my “took 9 hrs to escape from his house barely alive” 2nd date story as a cautionary tale! He had wanted to come to mine and I swear if I had allowed that and I didn’t have his address given to a friend I wouldn’t be here now.

anyway I need a FWB, have a potential with MrAcademic but just in case are there particular sites to seek that as mentioned upthread? I don’t think I want the emotional bit of dating for a while.

richdeniro · 04/02/2019 15:48

Hey all,

Well I had what I thought was a great first date with someone yesterday, we met at 4pm and ended up having a few drinks, decided to go to dinner and then she came back to mine. She said she had never felt that amount of chemistry with someone before and it was the best first date she'd ever been on.

Got this message from her a couple of hours ago and she blocked me before I could reply:

Hello! Ugh I would like to do this in person. I must say I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and didn’t think I would like you so much. Like I told you I am seeing another person and waking up this morning I must admit I felt terrible. I am not a ‘more than one guy’ sort of woman and I have been seeing him for a while (albeit not formally exclusively of course). But I feel even with that I need to keep things simple for my own peace of mind. I am so very sorry and this has been very confusing. I hope you don’t think I am a total shit.

Lovemusic33 · 04/02/2019 15:52

There are quite a few hook up sites, I have used adultfriendfinderuk before (free for women to join, men have to pay), there are other sites such as ‘benaughty’ and ‘free hook ups’ but I haven’t tried these. My expereance with adulfriendfinder was good, yes there’s a few scary profiles on their and lots of fetish stuff but there’s also genuine nice guys looking for FWB’s, I met 2 men on there, both totally normal, down to earth people.

unique1986 · 04/02/2019 15:53

@Rich

Sounds like you had a very good fairy-tale date.
Any regrets about her going back to yours?