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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

999 replies

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 28/01/2019 12:29

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
BeyondShattered · 01/02/2019 21:25

Hmm... ms pixie is being very chatty tonight and very encouraging. Bloody typical 🙄

Due to meet up with ms storm after the rugby (ish) so I'm just tapping my fingers waiting now...

MIA12 · 01/02/2019 21:33

Omg confused please don’t contact him again! He has assaulted you, what an absolute horror he is.

Confusedlady21 · 01/02/2019 21:42

MIA12 no, that was my narc ex that did that. Not this one x

Confusedlady21 · 01/02/2019 22:01

Well I joined Tinder, felt a bit crap doing it, and I’ve just FOUND THE GUY THAT’S CAUSED ALL THIS on Tinder! Ouch! X

Notcoolmum · 01/02/2019 22:05

I did think you might confused swipe left!

Confusedlady21 · 01/02/2019 22:11

@notcoolmum
I did. I didn’t even click to see all of the billion pictures he has on there!
I have put in my profile though ‘Not looking for just hook ups. If that’s what you’re after then good luck to you :-) It’s just not for me xx’

That is just my way of letting him know in case he does happen to come across my profile without having to text him or call him lol!

I have SUCH a headache!

singleascheeseslice · 01/02/2019 22:15

Gosh, yes no wonder you're traumatized confused I have similar stories, they all seem to sing from the same hymn sheet. Did you have any counseling? or do the freedom program? I did quite a few different programs, I think they really helped me. x

Confusedlady21 · 01/02/2019 22:19

@singleascheeseslice
I had a bit of therapy but it didn’t really help to be honest. I really think I need something though!!!
God I feel so crap x

singleascheeseslice · 01/02/2019 22:38

confused I didn't find talk therapy particularly useful, I did enjoy the more practical stuff useful. Not cheap but I did Freedom Program online, The NARP program (Melanie Tonia Evans), Morty Lefkoe Limiting Belief Program and I did some EFT work as well with an online practitioner. I was very determined to get over this and never encounter another one of those blood suckers again. And, touch wood, I can now delete messages from them without even reading them. And, I am only talking to nice people!

TooOldForThis67 · 01/02/2019 23:04

eesha and love - It could be either of those reasons. The thing is, I do have a habit of drinking too much when my ex is about and I'm stressed. Whatever his reason for not drinking, he's not going to like me if I over indulge! In his profile he put 'I don't drink but I don't mind if you do'. I think I'll ask the next time I see him. Good job my ex leaves the country Tuesday!!
confused - I'm so glad you found this thread. We can give advice, what you do with it is entirely up to you though remember. We have all made mistakes and misjudged situations.

Lovemusic33 · 02/02/2019 09:09

TooOld I don’t mind if someone has a drink when they are with me but if someone wants to get shit faced then I would rather they did it when I was not around, I wouldn’t date someone that drinks often, I would rather date someone who only drinks occasionally but I have my reasons (I dated a alcoholic when I was young). I know a few people that don’t drink at all but none are alcoholics.

I had a little look on POF this morning, keeping my options open as it’s early days with dating Mr South African, received a few messages five minutes after logging on but nothing that exciting. I will have a quick flick through tinder later.

Confusedlady21 · 02/02/2019 10:13

@toooldforthis67 Thanks. I am taking everyone’s advise. I keep having to re read it as I was SOOO close to calling or texting him this morning! OMG so close. Lol x

Dieu · 02/02/2019 10:25

Hello all
Hope you're all well and having a good weekend so far.
I have some free time today, and was hoping to set up a Match profile. An acquaintance mentioned that she recently received a 'one month membership for £4.99' from them.
Would anyone happen to have a link for this? Have tried googling without success.
Thanks Smile

supercali77 · 02/02/2019 10:28

Hey all.
@confused. Stay strong sister! We're here for you!

I'm still crazy overinvesting in the s
doctor. We text one another constantly. Went out for drinks last night with our mutual freind. She reckons we'll get on like a house on fire. Date is tomorrow. Bowling....what to wear!

Notcoolmum · 02/02/2019 10:55

Eek supercali. I hope the date goes well and lives up to expectations. Jeans or a denim skirt with trainers?

Original poster
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 02/02/2019 11:12

Confusedlady keep reading this thread. Don't be tempted to get in touch with him. And delete his number!!

Dieu I think someone earlier on the thread said they phoned up and got £4.99 for Match. I found a link for a 3 day free trial but it didn't work when I joined. So I emailed them and they gave me the 3 days. I lasted one day. Same faces that were there a year ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 02/02/2019 11:14

I think I need to give up alcohol! Went out with friends last night. Got persuade to go back on Tinder and somehow I have a coffee date tomorrow.
Fortunately he looks nice.

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 02/02/2019 11:20

@Confusedlady21 stay strong! All you'll do by texting a guy like this will boost his ego even further.
You deserve better, don't settle for someone who's made you feel the way he has x

Confusedlady21 · 02/02/2019 11:23

I’m trying to be strong. Started talking to someone else on Tinder this morning and I feel really guilty lol x

Confusedlady21 · 02/02/2019 11:24

@wishywashy6
I know, I think my problem is is that I’m blaming myself for him not texting as I was a bit quiet and upset when he said he was still answering people! So I’m my head I’ve got that as the reason he hasn’t text x

Lovemusic33 · 02/02/2019 11:24

confused why feel guilty? This guy didn’t give a shit about you, honestly, he was just after a shag and a bit of fun, he doesn’t deserve your head space at all.

Confusedlady21 · 02/02/2019 11:31

@lovemusic33
Just because I keep thinking maybe I was a bit harsh the way I left 😳 x

Lovemusic33 · 02/02/2019 11:38

You just told him how you felt, if he couldn’t handle you being honest then this is probably why he is single, he’s probably the controlling type who doesn’t like anyone standing up to him or saying anything negative. He’s a loser and you had a lucky escape. Enjoy talking to other people, there are nice guys out there.

Mulie · 02/02/2019 11:51

I haven’t posted on the threads for a while but I have been keeping up.

I have a 4th date tonight, so far so good. Dtd on the second date and nothing changed, he is as lovely as ever.
I have a gripe though, I left his house at 6.30am the other morning. It was minus 6 and foggy. I had an hours drive and the roads are hilly and windy for the first 20 miles or so. He did come out and defrost my car for me but he didn’t message to ask if I got back ok. I knew he was working so I wasn’t too bothered but when I saw he had been online a fair bit I started to see it as a bit of an amber flag, unreasonable?

Also, if you have older teens at home how do you ever have anyone to stay? I have a 17 year old that rarely leaves the house other than for school.

confusedlady21 your posts remind me of me with the first man I dated from OLD. They have made me want to go back in time and give myself a bloody good shake. It is a rite of passage, you will eventually get to grips with the fact that there are a lot of these chancers out there preying on naive and vulnerable women so they can get their dick wet. They really don’t care who they stick it in because the intention is always to have another and another after you. Actions are the only language that matters because words can be said by anyone to manipulate you into doing what they want. I really hope that you manage to reframe this, get a little bit cross with him and move on. It’s him (and a lot of others) not you!

wishywashy6 · 02/02/2019 11:57

@Confusedlady21 stop blaming yourself. You have the right to have feelings!
Why would you want to be with someone who runs away when you're a bit quiet or upset? Those are not the actions of a man who cares, they're the actions of a tosser