Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I did think about maybe going back on a different one but I just feel like he will think I’m a bit slutty if he sees I’ve gone on

Why do you care what he thinks about you? If he had any feelings/compassion/guilt etc about the conversation you had, he would've been in touch.

Don't feel guilty about going back on the sites. Remember he was on there the whole time he was dating you.
You had fun for a short time. But it's time to move on.

Give yourself a break. If you're not ready for OLD yet then find something else to do. Delete his number, delete his messages. Go and do something nice for yourself. Vent on here but don't contact him.
But you have no reason to feel guilty.

confused I have been in your situation many times, it’s almost like going cold turkey, going through the stage of not wanting to text them and then wanting to write a “WTF is going on” text. I have a 48 hour rule, if they don’t contact me within 48 hours then they are gone, not sure if I can have that rule with my iron as it’s normal for him not to message for a few days.

@myoldbrainstoppedworking
I know it’s daft to worry about what he thinks. But me being me, I think I still think that maybe the way I left it by being a bit upset and quiet to him when he asked if we were to see each other again just pushed him away. But, like you have said, all my family and friends have said that surely he would’ve messaged to see if I was ok if he was really bothered. I think I’m just a bit shocked. But at the same time I’m not as I got the feeling that things would never progress with us...our ‘dates’ were pretty much always at either his or mine so we could end up sleeping together, one time he came over later than planned as he wanted to watch the end of the football and as I didn’t have sky sports he said ‘that changes the time I’m available’ (I don’t mind this at all as I know he loves his football) and after our first ‘date’, where, yes, I did sleep with him (sooooo not like me), I had the opportunity of another night to myself without my daughter so I asked him if he wanted to do something and he said he was meant to have plans but if they are cancelled then we could just get a take away and film....which we did and then, yep, ended up sleeping together.
I’m just pretty gutted as it’s the first time in 4 years I’d even started dating anyone and I started to look forward to things with him. Argh!!! X

@shitwithsugaron
Lol!!! I know I shouldn’t care! I just keep blaming myself for him not texting as maybe I came across as a bit of a bitch! Even though everyone is saying I didn’t, I just worry!
@lovemusic33 it is like going cold turkey! He told me before we met that ‘if anyone fucks me off then they are gone’ (his words) so that is obviously me! 😐 x

@confused Wahhh! Seriously? Staying off so he won't think you're slutty when he was goddamn surfing about them the 6 weeks you guys were sleeping together! F that guy. He made his choices - do NOT let that be a factor in you not getting back out there!

@supercali77
I know!! Lol! Like I keep saying though I just keep imagining that he hasn’t text because I’ve somehow annoyed or upset him so if he sees me on there he will think ‘what a slutty bitch’ lol. As he said he was literally only answering people on there! My sister is like ‘hmmm ok I’m sure he was!’ But I stupidly try and see the best in people! She is also saying ‘you went round there, took him loads of stuff, slept with him, He saw you were a bit upset when he said he still went on, then he didn’t even text to check you got home!’ I’m sure I’ll laugh about this at some point! X

I have a coffee date with a guy at 11am today who doesn't drink or smoke, so like that's not gonna last
The young guy stopped msg last night so I thought it was all a wind up and sent an appropriate f*ck you msg. He msg back this morning saying he'd fallen asleep, what's wrong?
I have another iron that is driving a long distance to see me Sunday morning. He seems super keen. He actually lives local but happens to be at his sisters.
Men are like buses, nothing, then all at once! Lol.

@confused - in essence you're a good person. And he's a jackass. No man should let a woman go home and not check on them. Also, men are not as emotionally unaware as society paints them.....they know when a frosty shoulder is as a result of being upset. Only answering people after 6 weeks? Consult your instincts....that ain't true. Maybe he's not a bad person but he's shirked any integrity - a moral dwarf.

p.s. confused - don't overthink it, learn and move on. You are better than him. A few new irons and you'll forget him.

@confused - get some beyonce on the speakers haha x

That's for sure true @tooold. 2 weeks ago I was scrapping like a banshee on whatsapp with an iron over stockings. Now we're pals and i'm all hot and bothered for someone else. Change happens fast!

Thanks both! I just keep having these ridiculously weak moments where I think I have to text him. Pathetic!!!
I overthink loads which is my problem as I then start blaming myself. I just wish he would BLOODY TEXT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! X

Would it be completely insane of me to text him?? I don’t even know what I’d say. I wrote a huge one out the other day and my sister was like ‘well you’re apologising! And you have nothing to apologise for’ So I ended up talking myself out of it! X

It would be more than insane as he more than likely won't reply and you'll be mad at yourself. Trust us who have been there. Delete and move on.

Confused It would be insane to text him. It won't help you.
Everyone on here is giving you good advice based on our experience. Your family are telling you the same thing.

Yet you are still asking if you should text him. Listen to the advice.
It's time to move on. He has already.

Argh god!!! I just kind of feel like if I text then at least I’ll bloody know one way or another!!! We just used to text so much I guess I just miss that a bit! X

I know...sorry to keep on! Just venting x

Confusedlady21 Don't do it, don't give him the satisfaction of you chasing him. That's what will feed his ego, he's online replying to women who have messaged him because it feeds his ego. He's had you and he's one of those men who are constantly looking for the next best thing - it's really sad tbh.

Delete his number, delete your messages and thank god you haven't became even more serious with this man. You'll find someone new to text and soon the feelings will disappear. It's true what they say, if someone wants to call you, they will call. The one thing I learned from He's Just Not That Into You!

I have to admit that I’d him one last, really nasty text and then block him on every possible means of communication. But then I’m fed up of men treating me like that... the general advice not to text is better. Perhaps you could not text but block him so you don’t have the feeling of waiting around to see if you’ll hear from him? You’d feel more in control that way.

Thanks everyone. I know I’d be giving the same advice to my friends and family too, it’s just hard for me to take. I’ve been programmed by abusive relationships to take the blame for things and I think what I’m doing here is blaming myself completely for him not texting because I got upset at the fact he was still going on. So instead of being upset and annoyed about that for the last week, all I’ve done is torture myself by thinking and thinking that it is my fault he has now backed away. If that makes any sense? I won’t text him, I would have by now if I was going to, I just have weak moments when I blame myself! Sorry again for keeping on! X