Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm on Badoo. I didn't swipe. He must have looked at local and then messaged me. My age range is 45-55. It was totally random. Messages have been flying back and forth. Probably wont happen but must admit it does quite excite me!

tooOld ,I had a summer 6 week thing with a 31 year old three years ago,i was 44! Was great fun.Go for it.It was great for my confidence :)

He was also 5'5 though. And i'm 5'10 lol..not really a good match looking back!

Erm I had a near miss with a 28yo before Christmas offline... We both would have but there's extenuating reasons why we didn't

user - did you totally see it as a fling and nothing more? I usually at least go into things thinking it could be a potential relationship. I've not done the FB/FWB thing. He's said he's after a relationship, so I guess the only way I'd find out is if I hold off DTD! which I find really difficult Lol.

I've had a few .... erm, flings, with men younger than me. Youngest was 38 and I was 53 then ....

But the best sex I've had (ever actually, despite being married for nearly 30 years) was with a man a year older than me. Don't regret the flings though

tooold how old are you? A 30yr old sort of followed me home from a do once and it seemed rude not to 🙈 And had a great 33yr old FWB. I’m 41.

This is what I'm really enjoying about starting again, feeling less bothered about the 'rules'.
I've been married, had my children, not looking to settle down with someone so I can do what I want within reason. And I do enjoy flirting so much, I really do. And I've had some nice offers from some quite attractive men tbf. One that I turned down because he was looking for a serious relationship, and I'm not.

I hope it's OK for me to crash this thread as it's an episode with someone I met trough OLD, and it happened between a 2nd and a (possible) 3rd date.

I'd been feeling a bit uncertain after date two for reasons I won't go into here. But a relatively friendly communication continues, me thinking that if I am invited on a third date I will get a chance to bring up my hesitations and see if we can resolve them, but also thinking that if it fizzles out then that is probably just as well. Yesterday my OLD crush calls me while out running errands (normally we'd be on Whatsapp). I am also running errands so our conversation is a bit disjointed and unfocused. We then suddenly get cut off. I shrug my shoulders, finish my errands and send a joking text about 30 min later when I am back home and have changed out of my winter clothes. 20 min later following message pops up on my screen:

Crush: "You're something else aren't you. I normally say goodbye before I hang up, how do you do it?"
Me: hmm.. I think we just got cut off babe, nothing to worry about.
Crush: "Oh yeah. You really ARE something else. I called you twice, how could you not call me back?"
Me: well, shame this upsets you... no harm meant ... sent you a message as soon as I had my hands free...

Crush:"I would have taken it for granted to CALL me back.... I'm sat here thinking whaaat is is wrong here".
Me: ..I don't see nothing wrong here, presumably just a technical problem, no harm intended...

And so on and so on, until I end the conversation by saying I need to get to bed.
So Mumsnet, would you consider this language/tone as abusive?
This is a hard pass isn't it?

tooOld I go into every date thinking he maybe the one! Never done fwb and don't think I could,i get too emotionally involved.

So yes,dated the young small guy thinking we were heading to a relationship,but wasn't to be( he moved into a caravan,didn't see his son hardly ever and his mate in the next caravan was on drugs,was just too much drama!)
Not sure if the age gap is great for a long term but you do hear of it working so I say go for it and don't go back to your or his for coffee till you're sure!

I mean have lots of dates where you can't dtd!

@MellyFlawless yes I'd call that abusive, controlling and very rude! Run for the hills

Melly I'd move on from him - your instincts on the second date were right!

@MellyFlawless I would tell him to piss off! He sounds way too needy so early and like he has the potential to me an emotionally draining woe is me type character!

melly sounds like a prick swerve!

I never worried about age, just the person!
10 year age gap between me and my BF (I'm 36 he's 26) but it really never crosses my mind 🤷🏼‍♀️

@MellyFlawless jeez I couldn't be doing with that, I'd tell him you aren't cut out for that level of needy and move along 😳

Wow melly if he’s like this after 2 dates imagine him further down the line. Definitely a hard pass!

Melly another no, no, no here.

TooOld go for it! Why not if you like him.
I get quite a bit of attention from men in their 30s but I've always backed away politely because I felt too old.
But if he's comfortable with it then no reason why you shouldn't be.

Hi all!
I’ve been directed to this thread by a post that I posted earlier! Only joined today so still finding my way! Going to post my original post here so apologies if you have already seen it!!

Very new here but wanted some thoughts of people who aren’t close to me.
I’m a single mum and have been single for the last 4 years. I have had some very bad experiences in relationships which is why I closed myself off for so long.
I recently went on Plenty Of Fish. (Terrible I know!) I wasn’t expecting anything but started chatting to someone and we really got on!! We were ‘dating’ for about a month and were sleeping together (not like me so soon).
As things were progressing in that way I didn’t really want to carry on like that if he was still looking for others on POF. I hid my profile a week after we started chatting, as that’s just my way. I don’t for a second expect that off someone else, however, as we were sleeping together I didn’t love the thought of him maybe still looking else where. So....I brought this up with him asking if he still went on POF and he said yes, but just to answer messages off the people who were sending them to him asking what he’d been up to etc. I was a bit upset, I didn’t show this, I just went a bit quiet and when he asked if we were seeing each other again I said ‘yeah ok’ and he said ‘well we don’t have to!’.
I had been over to his as he didn’t feel well so took him some food, drinks, pain killers etc, we slept together, and then this happened at the end of the evening. I left at the end of the evening, obviously a little upset, and haven’t heard from him since :-( This was a week ago and I’m really upset about it actually as I really started to like him and it’s the first time I’ve got close to someone in a long time.

My question is....should I text him? I don’t think I’m going to hear from him again and I’m kind of blaming myself for that for the way I reacted.

Thanks for your replies guys.
Yeah, the decision to dump has already been made I guess, but having your input helps me a lot in getting it out of my system. Plus, I live in a medium sized town so there is always the chance of bumping into each other. Thanks to you I can feel that little bit firmer in my resolve if the topic comes up again.

Yes Helpme and Wishy, I think 'needy' sounds about right.
I also think there was a miscalculated attempt at some reverse psychology. That I would rush to make up for my supposed faux pas by proposing that third date they so badly wanted –but didn't have the balls to ask for...

Hi Confused! I would definitely not like it if they were still looking around while sleeping together (I am going to have to have this convo with my guy the next time I see him too) unfortunately there is a lot of this that goes on as people seem to think the multiple dating is fine nowadays. I'd say multiple dating is, but when you are sleeping with someone it is a bit different I think.

I think though one thing you said on your other thread, about him saying most women turn into phone checking psychos after a while, is quite a red flag too.

Having said all that, I'm now wondering about possibly doing some swiping/ texting purely as a means of dampening down my anxiety over Mr GoodHair! I know I just need to chill there and am massively overthinking it, on a logical level I am pretty sure he likes me and everything is good, though I am really struggling with second guessing everything.

But then if I do that, it's exactly what I don't want him to be doing so I'd be a massive hypocrite wouldn't I?!

I know what you mean!!! I even went back on to the dating app last night as I haven’t heard from him for a week, but I even felt so guilty about that (even though he is obviously not going to text me again and that he was on the whole time we were seeing each other) so I came off!!! Just going to have a bit of breathing space!
It sounds like you are just trying to protect yourself a little bit by thinking of swiping as you think ‘well IF he is then so am I so it won’t bother me as much’. That’s the type of way I think anyway!! I may be wrong with you and I apologise if I am!!! Maybe just have the convo with him first?

I am absolutely gutted that mine hasn’t text me!!! I was sooooo close to texting him yesterday and then again today!!! X

@Confusedlady21 I think unless you've had the 'exclusive' chat this is just considered the norm with OLD!
I slept with my now BF on date 2. At the time I wasn't sure whether we were just going to be a friends with benefits type thing or anything more than that and I was ok with just seeing how things went. We were both still on the apps for about 6 weeks into seeing each other, when we both basically said that we weren't interested in anyone else and wanted to get rid of the profiles so we did. I think for both of us we were cautious of over investing so felt like we should stay on the apps until we plucked up the courage to admit how we felt about each other!

Communication is really important, what might feel right or normal for one may not be the same for the other so unless you actually properly speak to the other person about what you want or expect you shouldn't assume they feel the same.