I feel used and embarrassed

[hatty1993]

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, maybe just somewhere to vent and some support! Basically I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, things have been going well apart from the fact he's a rubbish texter but in person we got on great, loads of sexual chemistry, we had fun and lots of conversation.

Anyway on Saturday night we went for a nice meal and a couple of drinks & then went back to his house. Everything was great, all the signals said he liked me and even at one point said we're not just friends and he'd say we're seeing each other.

Then yesterday I didn't hear from him till about 1pm which was fine it was a chatty text asking how I am and things, then when I've replied I've heard nothing back at all! I just don't understand it? If he's not actually interested then why text me in the first place. He's been active on other social media so I know he's been on his phone.

I just feel very embarrassed and let down, I knew I shouldn't of let me guard down and allowed myself to like him but he's a friend of a friend and I was told so many times 'he's one of the good guys' so if one of the 'good guys' isn't even interested then what hope is there! I'm just fed of this, why not just be honest and say nah I'm not feeling it!

I'm just really disappointed, I'm usually confident and won't put up with any shit but this has really knocked me and I don't know why it has so much.

Men do not do well texting at all. My OH and my son just don't correspond in this way. Try to not read too much into it ❤️

This has happened to me a couple of times, no idea why. It's even worse because even if he does text you now, your heads already gone down this road and I think it's quite hard to forget.

My painful experience has been that if you introduce the sexual element too quickly, a man will often lose interest. I don't like writing this - I'm a feminist ffs! - but I have found it to be true.

Whoa! Slow down! Seriously.

Man doesn't reply to your text in your specific time frame (and we're not talking days here) and you're embarrassed, feel let down, start talking about not putting up with this shit and moaning on here? And you've known from the start he's a rubbish texter?

You spent a lovely Saturday evening with him - how much was there to talk about by text just a couple of hours later?

You say you're confident. I say you're coming over as ridiculously dramatic and a lot of hard work. If you expect a man to spend lots of time texting you or expect them to respond pretty swiftly to prevent you having a panic attack, you're going to get this a lot.

He usually always replies even if it's just a short message so the fact that he hasn't this time makes me feel used and embarrassed. I wouldn't say that was dramatic.

I'm guilty of reading too much into things too. Any change in their behaviour and you immediately think the worst. I've also been on the receiving end of that and it's suffocating. You had a lovely Saturday, he said you were seeing each other so he probably thinks his feelings are clear and he doesn't need to text you especially if he isn't a great texter. I wouldn't read anything sinister into that.

Thank you @Musti. I'm trying not to but it's hard not to and it just makes no sense as to why he wouldn't reply.

As of now, I'd say is dramatic. Perhaps when he does text back going forward you two should do phone calls instead.

If you'd not heard from him at all yesterday I could possibly grasp why you could feel used and embarrassed. But you did. He texted you first at 1 pm.

So you had sex with him and now he's much cooler than usual? It's a horrible feeling, I'm sorry. Ime once this happens they'll go on to mess you about. Don't message again if you were the last to message. See what happens. If he's distinctly cooler (and you will know if he is, you know his pattern of communication better than us on here), then I'd forget about him.

He usually texts me saying night and we do exchange lots of texts throughout the day he's just not always great at making conversation over a text message, this is why I'm confused. I know I should chill out and just let it be but I really like him and I felt he liked me too so I'm just confused now. Usual experience is that in the early days it's exciting and you're wanting to speak to each other all the time so this is very different and I've never experienced it before.

Many people don’t like texting. Or don’t respond to texts same day. That’s fine.

he's just not always great at making conversation over a text message

So man behaves pretty much the same as he always has with you, but this now confuses you?

Sorry, I'm really not getting this.

What happened on Saturday night at his house? I think that's quite important.

I don’t know about feeling “used”

But certainly a bit embarrassed for posting about fact you haven’t received a text message for a few hours from someone

Right yes he's not a great texter but he always texts, ever since we met we speak almost all day over text and sometimes phone calls, his texts can just be sometimes very short and not great at starting new conversations which yes is fine. Saturday we went back to his house and had sex, he then brought me home (I had a baby sitter round so needed to get back) I asked him to text me when he got home as it was late and chucking it down, and he didn't (which he has done in the past) which I thought was a bit strange of him and not like him so I text to make sure he was okay, he replied straight away saying sorry he's got straight into bed and had forgotten. For him to not reply yesterday is weird and unlike him, I feel used cause I had sex with someone I thought liked me and now it appears he's ignoring me. He's been on snapchat this morning but can't reply to my message.

In my experience men are not that great at texting back unless there is an actual question to be answered! He did text you yesterday, he asked how you were. You replied. Maybe he just thought it was the end of the conversation I think if you went out Saturday night, he txted you to see how you were on Sunday, and today is Monday then that's totally fine.....have to admit I'm struggling to see what you're upset about here! I know it's easily done though if yo like someone x

I once had a day of radio silence from a date... they'd left their phone at work and couldn't get it until the next day! Oops. Sometimes people get caught up in crisis, fall asleep, forget to reply. Any number of reasons.

Was this the first time you slept together? If so I can understand why you would feel used if his usual texting behaviour has dwindled.

So first of all you say he’s a rubbish texter but now you both talk all day every day by text and he sometimes calls as well?

Well what one is it?

I would find it very smothering to have somebody text me all day every day! I would also probably run a mile if they got stroppy because I never replied quick enough. I don’t usually send long messages, I send what needs to be said. I haven’t got time to send long texts all day and if the other person expected me to then it wouldn’t work

Perhaps he never text you when he got home because it was late? I don’t know.
If you aren’t happy with this level of communication then speak to him especially if you do feel used. However to be totally honest, if someone expected me text all day every day aswell as phone them is consider that person to be incredibly needy and it would probably put me off them

I would take a guess that he’s not that into you, he says all the right things when he’s with you as he wants sex, he texts you just enough to keep you interested but he doesn’t really care that much about you (he probably cares more about himself). I could be totally wrong of course but from past expereance, if someone is really into you then they will put in the effort to reply to your texts.

Let’s get this right. He texts you. You reply. Why does he need to follow that up? It all sounds a bit needy.

Was it first time sex?

Asking for a guy to tell you he got home safely? That's weird. Was he going to dissolve in the rain or something?? You sound way really intense, being honest.

Try just being yourself and let it just happen.

So is the issue really more that you slept with him for the first time and now you're worried he might have gone cold on you? He was texting a lot each day before that and now he isn't? Sorry if I've got that wrong, but sounds like that is what you're worrying about?