I feel used and embarrassed

[hatty1993]

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, maybe just somewhere to vent and some support! Basically I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, things have been going well apart from the fact he's a rubbish texter but in person we got on great, loads of sexual chemistry, we had fun and lots of conversation.

Anyway on Saturday night we went for a nice meal and a couple of drinks & then went back to his house. Everything was great, all the signals said he liked me and even at one point said we're not just friends and he'd say we're seeing each other.

Then yesterday I didn't hear from him till about 1pm which was fine it was a chatty text asking how I am and things, then when I've replied I've heard nothing back at all! I just don't understand it? If he's not actually interested then why text me in the first place. He's been active on other social media so I know he's been on his phone.

I just feel very embarrassed and let down, I knew I shouldn't of let me guard down and allowed myself to like him but he's a friend of a friend and I was told so many times 'he's one of the good guys' so if one of the 'good guys' isn't even interested then what hope is there! I'm just fed of this, why not just be honest and say nah I'm not feeling it!

I'm just really disappointed, I'm usually confident and won't put up with any shit but this has really knocked me and I don't know why it has so much.

Wow, some bitchy replies here. I am inclined to think you should trust your gut. If his pattern of texting has changed I can see why you think that’s not a good sign.

What did you say in your text to him? Did it include any questions or could it have been seen as a natural end to the conversation?

I’m guessing that in reality he’s not a natural texter and he’s been doing all this chat all day as part of the chase- and this could be quite sub conscious. You’ve now moved onto a different level and immediately he relaxes back into his real self.

I realise that doesn’t make you feel great but I don’t think it suddenly means he’s not bothered with you, possibly just more relaxed? Leave it for a while longer and maybe send a lighthearted text later saying, ‘hey, you’ve gone very quiet since Saturday night, what’s that all about?’

Hopefully he will get back and reassure you. In the meantime put your phone away and get busy. A watched phone never pings.

It sounds like communication has changed now you’ve slept with him. Very common according to threads on here and not nice.

ever since we met we speak almost all day over text and sometimes phone calls, his texts can just be sometimes very short and not great at starting new conversations which yes is fine. Saturday we went back to his house and had sex

I hate to say this but if he hasnt initiated contact since then the sex was probaby crap for him

*Apols for any typos, am on srong painkilers

I doubt this is down to crap sex, more like a crap guy.

Hi Op, I have been here before sadly, the whole texting and all is great before you actually have sex. Then gradually going cold, unfortunately he has probably got what he wanted, and now doesn't want to continue . I remember just wanting to find a good relationship but was meeting the wrong types. I would have been like you, texting to make sure they got home ok etc, I think it puts some men off. I couldn't be arsed playing games, that was the way I was so no point me changing to suit a man. I wouldn't text him again tbh. if ye had sex for the first time, he really should have been taking it up a notch.

I didn't hear from him till about 1pm which was fine

If it was fine then it wouldn't bother you. You don't sound on the same wave length because you want more and there is nothing wrong with that!
He's not the one for you

Such a nasty reply Ford

OP you know his texting habits and whether he’s changed. If anything he should be making a little more of an effort to keep in touch now, we all feel a bit anxious about sleeping with someone for the first time. The fact he’s cooling things off now is a bad sign, sorry, but it’s a reflection on him, not you

Thank you for all the kind replies, it really is appreciated.

It was the second time we'd slept together and it was good sex, he seemed in no rush whatsoever for me to leave and everything seemed great. I get why people would say I'm over reacting and need to chill out but when you've started to like someone and then all of a sudden they just go totally cold it's hard to not feel upset by it. I genuinely thought he seemed like a nice person. From what I know he's not had many sexual and isn't one to sleep around so it's obviously he's just not interested in me. Which is shit but onwards and upwards.

But he text you first asking how you were!
Some people just don't like continual texting.

He's just text now saying 'omg I'm sorry I didn't reply I totally forgot' now I get that people are crap with phones but seriously is that a real excuse. If he liked me surly he'd wanna talk to me This dating game isn't for me I don't think 😂

I get exactly what you mean, but I do think that they aren't that wrapped up in communicating constantly with us in the way we may wish to do with them.

I don't think it means anything as such. I'm trying not to read too much into it personally!!

So he totally forgot about you?

You don’t start seeing someone and then not think about them for a whole day.

I’m seeing someone now and I know for a fact even though we haven’t chatted since this morning as he’s in work. Once he’s home and had some tea he will message or il message him in the meantime if I feel like it.

I couldn’t just forget about him

Sounds like rubbish to me OP. Has he ever ‘forgotten’ before? Give him a second chance if you’d like to but be wary so you don’t end up feeling messed around again.

Let’s get this right. He texts you. You reply. Why does he need to follow that up? It all sounds a bit needy.

You are really overthinking this OP. Only text between dates, to arrange dates and leave it.

Banal texting can drive people away

I understand how you feel and I'm the same and felt similarly with the guy I'm seeing. Once we'd slept together, he eased off on messaging but we still talk on the phone for hours and when we see each other it gets better and better. But messaging and getting in contact is still led by me. We did talk about it and be said that he was busy and the level of communication we had at the beginning was unsustainable but his feelings hadn't changed. So now I don't think about who messaged who when- if I want to message, I do and if I want to talk to him, I call him.he usually replies straight away but sometimes it's a few hours.

Who knows how this is going to play out. You might keep seeing him, or he might be going cold on you and you won't end up seeing him again. I think 2 days is too early to tell. Either way, you can't change how he feels about you. My advice would be to get busy with your own life, cut out the texting and see if he he gets back to you. But don't wait by the phone or keep texting him.

it's obviously he's just not interested in me

Oh FFS. Ridiculous conclusion jumping even based on what you've told us.

He's just text now saying 'omg I'm sorry I didn't reply I totally forgot' now I get that people are crap with phones but seriously is that a real excuse. If he liked me surly he'd wanna talk to me This dating game isn't for me I don't think

I've done that before. Sorry, but you're being ridiculous and I'm even more under the impression you are hard work and dramatic. Either that, or you're really 15.

No, I don't think dating is for you if you're usually like this.

Maybe he thought he text you back and is waiting for a text from you. I have done that so many times to people.

I don't think some people are getting what I'm saying, either that or they're just ignorant. I'm upset and confused by him cause although he's a rubbish texter (meaning sometimes he doesn't ask questions all the time or doesn't always understand certain things) he always replies and always texts so to then not text me the day after we've had a date and sex of course I'm gonna wonder what the hell has gone on!! To then say he'd forgot, basically my friend of a friend mentioned me to him today and he was like oh shit I've forgot to text her. I personally think that's strange behaviour if you're into someone. It must be so nice to not be an over thinker and go with the flow like someone of you clearly are but unfortunately I am an over thinker.

Did you reply?

If he went to text you, got distracted and thought he had text you (Ive done that enty of times!) then he's waited for your reply. Mate mentions you, he thinks oh its weird she hasn't text back, checks phone and is oh shit!!

I mean he surely would. Have just NOT text if he didn't want to.

Just keep talking to yourself, friends who don't know him about the overthinking stuff, if you rely with "we'll you didn't text for 13 hours so I assumed you thought the sex was crap or had run off with your ex" etc he'll likely run for the hills

And I've just clocked times. So he text you at bed time then at 2 pm. That's hardly forgotten for days, it's a memory slip of whether or not he sent the text he meant to send

I've not replied yet cause I'm still in two minds about it really! He hadn't even read my message cause it says when he has so I'm just not sure how he forgot to read and reply. Part of me wants to reply.

Genuinely, how old are you?

So he heard it beep and meant to pick it up. It had been HALF A DAY!
And now you're playing games