I feel used and embarrassed

[hatty1993]

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, maybe just somewhere to vent and some support! Basically I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, things have been going well apart from the fact he's a rubbish texter but in person we got on great, loads of sexual chemistry, we had fun and lots of conversation.

Anyway on Saturday night we went for a nice meal and a couple of drinks & then went back to his house. Everything was great, all the signals said he liked me and even at one point said we're not just friends and he'd say we're seeing each other.

Then yesterday I didn't hear from him till about 1pm which was fine it was a chatty text asking how I am and things, then when I've replied I've heard nothing back at all! I just don't understand it? If he's not actually interested then why text me in the first place. He's been active on other social media so I know he's been on his phone.

I just feel very embarrassed and let down, I knew I shouldn't of let me guard down and allowed myself to like him but he's a friend of a friend and I was told so many times 'he's one of the good guys' so if one of the 'good guys' isn't even interested then what hope is there! I'm just fed of this, why not just be honest and say nah I'm not feeling it!

I'm just really disappointed, I'm usually confident and won't put up with any shit but this has really knocked me and I don't know why it has so much.

I'll reply. I know I've read too much into it, I'm just scared of getting hurt and its not what I'm used to. I've never experienced a man like him.

Sorry, my mistake. A day. I reread.

The thing to have done at 2 pm was to send a "oh charming, glad to know I'm always on youre mind 😂

Youve clearly decided he doesn't like you so text and say" sorry, you didn't text me for 25 hours so it's over"

So what ARE you used to?

I’m sorry but it really sounds like he’s not that bothered.
How does he forget to even read your message or reply. He didn’t even think of you? Someone else mentioned you which trigged his memory.

I think you should move on.

I dunno why you're getting told you're overreacting, when he's obviously changed his behaviour. I'd be cautious OP. It's supposed to be fun, not angst.

I've replied just a breezy message. I regret texting again now but hey ho! I'll see what I get back and then take it from there, I think it's pretty clear he's not interested. I'm used to men that have all the chat are very gushy and full of wanting to see me and speak to me all the time, he's not my usual type but after my friend said what a great guy he is I thought I'd give it a go and I've ended up liking him more than I expected.

I'd be brutally honest (I hate playing games) and say something like "No worries. To be honest I assumed you were cooling things off..."

No question that he is then under pressure to answer but puts across how you have been feeling in a short and not too needy way. If he wants to respond then he can.

Some people on here are being quite nasty.

OP, I don't think you over thinking things as such, if someone is causing you this much stress then he's probably not the person for you. If he did forget to message you back then he obviously wasn't thinking about you very much, he either sees it as a casual thing or he just isn't that into you. I would ditch him and move on. I have been dating on and off for 4 years and have had so much stress over texting, I've now got to the point where I don't over invest in anyone and if they start getting flaky with me I ditch them. I would rather be single then in a situation that makes me question everything.

He's active on snapchat now but hasn't read my message 🤷🏻‍♀️ I feel he's playing games so I think I've certainly got my answer. What a waste of time, I just can't get my head around it.

I hate to say this but if he hasnt initiated contact since then the sex was probaby crap for him

*Apols for any typos, am on srong painkilers

@NotTheFordType

You honestly feel it's the typos you should be apologising for here

CatnissEverdene Guys usually text to ask if I got home OK. Why is it weird? It's a nice gesture.

OP, you are overthinking this. I forget to text my DP (who I love) back all the time because I am a busy person with a life and sometimes I read a message when I am in the middle of something and forget to respond for a few hours. If I were dating someone who got upset, felt embarrassed and then played communication games with me because it took me a few hours to respond to them, I would think that person was highly self-involved and I would end the relationship.

I would advise not reading too much into every little thing. Just relax and live your own life. Obsessing over a text message isn't healthy and it indeed isn't the sign of someone who is confident and living a full life. I would also advise not the play games by not responding to him now. That is a massive waste of your time and energy. I am sure you are a lovely person, and I hope that you will value your time better in the future by not obsessing over a text message.

I think a change in pattern is worth taking notice of. If he was responding to text quite promptly before and now isn't, then it's not the case that you're overthinking.

I think you need to trust your instincts here, I know when I was dating I could tell if someone was cooling things/had gone off me. Try not to take it personally, you haven't done anything wrong. Be kind to yourself, it will hurt for a while but you will meet someone else (someone better!)

rosewater09

There is a massive difference in forgetting to text your DP back who you are in love with to not texting someone back for a day, not thinking about them after they just had sex for the 2nd time only and it’s all new.

Why not just ask him?
‘You’ve not spoke as much today - is everything ok or are you wanting to cool it off?’
Doesn’t need to be overthought or complicated and then you know where you stand?!

He's not replied to my last message so I feel its gonna be another long wait for him. I just can't be bothered with this messing around! I really wish I didn't care.

Get some self esteem OP and tell him to get lost.
When men are like this at the beginning it never ends well and it's common knowledge that once a woman sleeps with a guy the feelings intensify where it doesn't affect men in the same way they can take it as just a nice shag and move on.

It shouldn't be this hard. Bin him and find someone worthy of you

I'm used to men that have all the chat are very gushy and full of wanting to see me and speak to me all the time

So why are you not still with any of them??

Turn your phone off, keep busy, leave it at home if you have to. Constantly checking/ waiting just eats you up. Been there it's not nice.

I'm used to men that have all the chat are very gushy and full of wanting to see me and speak to me all the time

So why are you not still with any of them??

^^ this in buckets

it's common knowledge that once a woman sleeps with a guy the feelings intensify where it doesn't affect men in the same way they can take it as just a nice shag and move on

Oh fuck off is it

People need to stop making out the OP is overthinking. She knows this guy and what he’s usually like with her. No excuse for him to change after intimacy, unless he’s a complete shit.

Now he's back to texting like normal! I can't work this guy out at all, I think as much as I like him I need to cut my losses. It's too confusing.