I feel used and embarrassed

[hatty1993]

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, maybe just somewhere to vent and some support! Basically I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, things have been going well apart from the fact he's a rubbish texter but in person we got on great, loads of sexual chemistry, we had fun and lots of conversation.

Anyway on Saturday night we went for a nice meal and a couple of drinks & then went back to his house. Everything was great, all the signals said he liked me and even at one point said we're not just friends and he'd say we're seeing each other.

Then yesterday I didn't hear from him till about 1pm which was fine it was a chatty text asking how I am and things, then when I've replied I've heard nothing back at all! I just don't understand it? If he's not actually interested then why text me in the first place. He's been active on other social media so I know he's been on his phone.

I just feel very embarrassed and let down, I knew I shouldn't of let me guard down and allowed myself to like him but he's a friend of a friend and I was told so many times 'he's one of the good guys' so if one of the 'good guys' isn't even interested then what hope is there! I'm just fed of this, why not just be honest and say nah I'm not feeling it!

I'm just really disappointed, I'm usually confident and won't put up with any shit but this has really knocked me and I don't know why it has so much.

He sounds like a game-player.
Blowing hot and cold.
I get what you are saying, OP. His texting 'pattern' has changed.
I'd write him off.

He's not replied to my last message so I feel its gonna be another long wait for him. I just can't be bothered with this messing around! I really wish I didn't care.

This - you've made your evaluation that his communication pattern doesn't suit you so I'd cut your losses x

Perhaps he was just really busy yesterday?

I wouldn't write him off just yet. He may just really like you and trying not to be too forward ( kind of playing it cool)
It wasn't that long ago, we'd be sat by the landline willing it to ring.
At least you can busy yourself but keep your phone with you just in case.
Nowadays too many of us put too much thought and caution into what we do with texting etiquette, and the result can be very mixed confusing signals.
I hope you hear from him soon

Caught up now sorry, I'm muti tasking

What the fuck! You need to calm down.
You were pissed off because he hadn't text you back quick enough, now he is texting you back and is being 'normal' again you are pissed off.... You have a problem.

TBH don’t think he did anything wrong at all. You need to calm it down.

This whole thread makes me think of this...

Our new model of instant communications is both a blessing and a curse. What we're seeing here is the curse part in action.

What were you like when you were with him ? If you were quite intense there's a possibility that he just needs some breathing space. Let him do the chasing and if he doesn't get back to you st least you'll know.

I can remember getting in a tizz when my now DH hadnt phoned at his ‘normal’ time. He’d bumped into a friend and gone to the pub. Unusual, but fuck all to do with his feelings for me. Calm down!

When me and my husband live apart ( before we got married obvs) I would get a long email every day.
We after about 6 weeks spent the weekends together and then he dropped his mid week class and we met up during the week.
Never had any worries.
He’s a nice normal man and all his fine. That to me is the right amount of contact unless anything unusual crops up.

My cousin on the other hand met a man when her second husband died. She came to visit me and he texted her all day and night long. They are married now.

He’s likeable but I find him very controlling.

I'm used to men that have all the chat are very gushy and full of wanting to see me and speak to me all the time, he's not my usual type and how did that work for you op?

See guys who have all the talk and the oh I can't stop thinking of you baby, I'm more wary of THEM than a guy who has a life of his own, is taking it slow etc.

If you feel like it's not working, what have you got to lose with honesty? Tell him you're a confused that you thought this was a relationship now but feel hurt /confused he'd ignore /not think about your text for so long. See what he says. You might be surprised.

You've barely had the "what is this" convo, I think a lot of guys see 24 hours without a text if they know they're gonna see you again a lot differently to many women.

Be brave and be honest.

My DH has never been much into text messaging, except to give me information, like telling me he's about to come home and do I need him to stop at our local Tesco Express on the way home? He won't change now; I sometimes wish he would text more, but it really isn't his thing!

I tend to agree with PPs that you're reading too much into it. But this is probably his normal attitude to texting that you're experiencing now, so if you're not happy with it, then maybe he isn't the man for you, as he probably won't get why it matters to you so much.

Get busy doing something else. You don't have to be in constant text conversation with someone to be interested in them.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. (We slept together on our 2nd date and he's certainly not lost any interest so I'd disagree with the opinion that sex makes a man lose interest!)
We text or speak on the phone fairly regularly but I often don't reply immediately to him, and yes sometimes I go on social media before texting him back. I'm sure he does the same to me.
Please don't live your life checking his online activity and using that as any judge of how much he likes you.
Without wanting to sound harsh it would do my head in if someone was checking up on me.
Do you have plans to see him again?

it's common knowledge that once a woman sleeps with a guy the feelings intensify where it doesn't affect men in the same way they can take it as just a nice shag and move on

Really? 🤨 I've always thought the opposite if anything

Google "intermittent reinforcement dating"

Whether or not a person is good at texting doesn't have anything to do with gender IME. My DF is great at texting, but my DB doesn't really care for chat.
(Another one guilty for misinterpretation here).

You saw him on Saturday evening.

He sent you a long chatty text at about 1pm on Sunday.

You are texting as usual on Monday evening.

I can't see a problem really. You can't possibly maintain all day constant texting can you? Surely he was just busy on Sunday and working on Monday? If a new bf flagged this up as a concern I wouldn't see him again.

Sorry OP, it sounds like you may not be the only lady in his life....Being on Snapchat, his reluctance to text....not looking good to be honest. I would just block him and move on.

I don't think some people are getting what I'm saying, either that or they're just ignorant.

It's not that people don't understand, it's that they don't agree.

Personally I hate communicating by text. If I text you and you replied I would not reply again unless there was a particular reason.

It would never occur to me unprompted that you'd have such a strong emotional response to not receiving a text.

What exactly is it that he hasn't replied to? Could you not just phone him?

Assuming that it's just you want to speak to him several times a day then you need to either:

• accept that is too much for him.
• tell him how important this is to you and exactly what you want.

Sorry OP, it sounds like you may not be the only lady in his life....Being on Snapchat, his reluctance to text....not looking good to be honest. I would just block him and move on.

I know it's fun to be mean like this, but it's pretty cruel.

I do wonder about the lives of this subset of MNers who reply to every post wanting reassurance or advice with 'he's cheating'.

I forget to reply to messages all the time if I'm busy I may glance at it then hours later remember I didn't reply! He replied eventually. My partner was a rubbish texter even in the early days, he isn't great now tbh but 8 years nearly going strong....

I hate texting so much. I don't nreally get it. Seems a bit pointless. If you want a conversation with someone then either ring them or wait until you see them. I sometimes don't text back for days. My friends get it now and don't worry about it. Also my DH doesn't have a phone! So I couldn't text him even if I wanted too. Doesn't mean he doesn't love me!

I think you expect instant communication. And the fact you can 'check up on him' is just playing to your tune. It's a bit sad really.

Thing is, this bloke was quite happy replying to text/message etc. Now he's changed his behaviour.

It really doesn't matter if other posters don't like that method of communication . Dunno why they feel the need to come on and be snooty about it.