I read this in the desperate hope that I could find some perks too, but there are too few for me. I miss my ex being at home. He was kind, if superficially so, did loads around the house, never criticised me, let me do what I wanted, brought me cups of tea in bed, loved my friends, my parents, listening to music, laughing at stupid telly with me. I used to rush home from work excited, I remember telling a friend that every day felt like Christmas. Then he left me, because I was the critical, difficult, depressed, oppressive one. And now I struggle with my two dcs arguing all day long, the older dd (9) crying with frustration because the younger (4) demands so much attention I can never focus on her, and because she misses her df. I feel torn apart after a weekend of this, and yearned for my ex to be here so he could take my ds to the park, so I could do dressmaking with my dd like she wanted. Instead I was pulled between the two, and unable to help either, because I had to cook lunch, wiped bums, clean up spilt drinks, broken china, empty waste, etc etc. I ended up shouting at them both, and crying on my own, which makes me think that he must be happy and in peace now on his own as you all have described. But I am desperately trying to think of perks now. Here goes: not being lied to, in big and small ways. Not being ignored, or avoided. No one flinching when I touch them, or not looking at me when I speak to them. I suppose no amount of cups of tea in bed, and hoovering, and childcare, and cooking dinners, and painting walls, and gardening, and homebuilding makes up for being made to feel as if there is something wrong with you. or that you're not good enough