Perks of living alone

[Gemmajump]

Hiii!
I’ve just come out of a really shitty relationship and tomorrow me and my 3 year old are moving into our new home tomorrow (so technically i won’t be living alone haha)
I’m scared as I have never ever stayed in a house on my own (sorry I know I come across as a wet wipe) and I’m even more scared of being a single parent.
I’m so nervous so if anyone can give me any positives what I can keep reading that would be great!
Thankyou xxx

You can pee with the bathroom door open :)

Everything everyone else had said. It is the pure freedom. No anxiety of going home to an arsehole. I used to go home with a knot of anxiety going home, but now I approach my new house feeling really happy. It is my safe haven. My DD and I can have everything how we want it. Food....I'm vegan (changed from veggie 18 months ago), and my ex used to take the piss all the time, but when one of his work colleagues went vegan..that was ok!!. So I have a totally meat free house now. My DD and my DS (he doesn't live at home as he's in his late 20s) are veggie, so it's great not having to cook meat! We play the music we want and have film nights. My DD goes to her dad's one night in the week and I go to dance class now with my friend. I have my friends over without them feeling uncomfortable as he used to barely talk when they came over. When my son and his girlfriend came over for Christmas to my new house they both said how it was 100% better than the old place I was living in with my ex. Constrained to having his grandmas old furniture, not being allowed to decorate, not allowed to have book cases...yep...I'm free of all that and now have one room allocated to books, art and crafts for DD and I. It is truly bliss living on our own!!

You're never alone when you love the one you're with (yourself) and lets face it, This is the only one you truly spend all your life with.

I felt like I was alone at the end of our marriage anyway as he would clearly rather be anywhere but at home (like with his OW) but not I am officially on my own, I really like it. I have the children 60% of the time and when they are at their dad's I enjoy me alone time.
I went through a phase of trying to 'fill' every evening/weekend on my own with hobbies/dates, etc but I feel more at peace now and if I want to do something I will but if I don't, I just enjoy the peace, watch what I want on tv (or not watch tv at all which is liberating!), have a long soak in the bath, do some yoga...whatever gives you joy :)
But I also agree with:
-No snoring (My God, he was the worst and even more so after a drink, which was most of the time)
-King size bed to myself (or to share with dc if they feel like coming in with me in the middle of the night, which they sometimes do and make much nicer bed partners than my ex)
-Remote to myself
-Making what I want for dinner, when I want it
-Just making my own decisions about me and the kids and my house

Living alone (or with your children) is way better than living with someone who doesn't make you happy.

Watching what you like on TV, in your pants, whilst eating ice cream for dinner

Does it get any better??

Not having to deal with a grown man's oppressive moods...it's bloody brilliant!

When your friends come over you don't have to listen to him taking over the conversation all. the. time.

No finding random items that should be in the shed, on your kitchen worktops.

Generally just not feeling fucking pissed off the whole time

I was so scared of living alone, but now I love it. I can buy what I want, so what I want, have whoever I want round, can spontaneously go out etc, have whatever animals I want. I don't ever want to live with someone else again!

You don't have a miserable smelly grumpy old man demanding whats for tea and spending your money. You can go out and bring people home. You never have to see in-laws. You are your own person and can get on with your life unhindered.

No dreading him coming home and fearing what mood he'll be in.
No trying to keep the children quiet so as not to annoy him.
Leave the washing up overnight without being judged.
Cook what you want. No more eating massive portions because he insists on half each (my fault for being greedy but it still counts)!
No stubble all over the bathroom.
No chest hairs on the soap.
No man doing a huge stinking dump while my bath is running, leaving me to bathe in poor fumes.
Can invite friends over without worrying.
Can be friends with exes without ridiculous paranoia.
Can look as scruffy as you like at home.
Can get the pets you want.
Can dress how you like, do your hair how you want, remember the things you used to enjoy without compromise.

Congratulations on your freedom, please have fun!

*poo fumes, obviously

You can come home and know that you will have a lovely evening with your child waiting ahead. No more worrying about what mood the partner is in. What you have done wrong this time, to piss him off. Your home is a safe haven, not a place where you have to walk around on eggshells.

Shamelessly placemarking to keep me going - they all sound like absolute heaven.

Love all these responses!

I was in a similar position and whilst it was bloody daunting at first, life has never been better.

It's just me and DD and we can do what we want, how we want and when we want.

We've grown to be extremely close and I see it as me and her against the world.

We're both very happy and I'm sure you will be too. Wish you all the best

Totally agree with everything above. There is no way on earth I would want to share my living space with anyone apart from my DD ever again.

@noego you can pee with the bathroom door open

In my house I usually have 2 furry visitors watching me from the open bathroom door!

I love all of these. Thankyou everyone so much ❤️

I sloshed my coffee everywhere laughing at the bath in poo fumes.

I'm glad we're inspiring you Gemma. Obviously being in a loving relationship where you enjoy living with someone else is top trumps, but if you haven't got that then living by yourself is actually brilliant. Especially if you haven't done it for a very long time, or when you did, you were poor/immature etc. You don't half appreciate things when you are mid thirties and free for the first time in well over a decade.

If I am honest I would say there is one downside, but it isn't a big deal for me anyway as I am very content in my own company. A longish, shitty marriage can deprive you of your friends and you can end your marriage/co-hab and find you literally have no one to do fun stuff with. I think this is especially the case with those like me who were isolated by their husbands as SAHM. You lose your workmates, your friends and the ability to talk to people normally. I am recovering and starting to build new friendships but I would say that was the only thing that took the shine of my liberation. However, can I just say, it is a very minor detail and doesn't lessen my general sense of enjoyment in life now!

This is such a lovely thread! I have only been living on my own for 6 months (with two Ds) after a shock separation. Even though I would have said things were Ok with STBxh (before he left for OW that is) I can relate to so many of these things already.

I even found myself feeling a tiny bit sorry for OW the other day, who has gone from living with her husband straight to living with mine, because she won't be feeling all the lovely freedom, calm and sense of accomplishment that I have right now (it soon passed though )

No worrying about how to squeeze a family meal time in around STBxh's work and social life, a LOT less washing, no snoring, plenty of room to park on the drive, double the wardrobe space, no IL's ...the list goes on and on! But most of all I now know I'm fine, I'm strong, I'm capable and I am a much better parent on my own.

@blindtipsy

YY to “i am a much better parent on my own”

Oh god everything. Complete calm and serenity. I live alone with my dds.

My favourite ever response to one of these threads was 'no one shits in my toilet'

I am never evee going to wash someone else’s pants. Ever.

I lived alone for five years from my late 20s. It was idyllic. You can have your place exactly as you want it. Nobody else's mess, style, stuff. Enhanced sense of independence, I'm a dab hand at DIY. The feeling of self-sufficiency.

I can understand your nerves, but honestly...it will be great!

@BlindTipsy I even found myself feeling a tiny bit sorry for OW the other day

Yes...quite. I often think that the OW in my case will have to put up with his snoring, sweaty head, takeaways most nights as he can't cook (or he's probably conned her into doing it), not taking any of the mental load with regards to running of the household, farting and burping really loudly thinking it is fucking hilarious (10 year old boy humour that hasn't gone away), laziness in general, especially regarding spending time with each other....he might be putting in the effort now, but it will slide eventually. His ex prior to me has said it happened with her. But I haven't felt a teeny bit sorry for the OW at all as I think she deserves what is coming to her!

@thegrinningfox

Yes...the pants. I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore. My friends have all said the OW will get that job soon! LOL!

There's always a cold pillow spare on a hot night.

I can fart as long and as loud as I want without worrying about it gassing someone else. Ditto poo with the door open etc.

I can generally be as grim as I like and not care!