Am I being unreasonable/bridezilla?

[on123]

Hi all just would appreciate a second opinion.

My wonderful partner proposed perfectly with the most perfect ring and we set the date for next July 2020 as we never wanted a long enegament period.

We initially, when we had no idea about the real costs of a wedding said we would only spend £5k as neither of us wanted any debt etc from the wedding.

I have spent hours and hours scrutinising every part of our budget and getting the lowest quotes and prices for every single element. Our list is JUST the essentials there is nothing extravagant on there - the only thing being a videographer which I really want as I would love for our children to be able to watch it back.

After hours and weeks and months of work and doing everything I can I cannot get the budget down below £7k.

I always wanted a tee pee wedding, with my favourite local band and a honey moon to Canada. I’ve put all of those beside me to save the budget and feel like I have sacrificed everything I ever wanted wedding / honey moon wise to try and make this achievable.

The main thing is, we CAN afford to spend up to £8k and we would still have no debt, plenty of other savings etc everything covered and I’ve even put this in spreadsheets and showed it to my partner but he just keeps saying no we said £5k - he is now asking if we can cut anything else out and can I scrap the photographer and videographer and can we have a honeymoon in Sweden because flights are only £60.

I feel totally upset and like I don’t even want to look forward to it anymore or plan. I’ve never wanted to spend a load or be extravagant but I’ve litrally got rid of every dream and still he wants to keep cutting, itl end up being a cheap and horrible wedding that will have just been so much about scrutinising prices instead of enjoying the planning and having a few nice elements.

Am I being a bridezilla??

I know all my sisters and friends spent at least £30k on their weddings alone. I cannot get it any lower than I already have!!

If you can afford it I don't think you're being a bridezilla. Sounds very businesslike with the spreadsheets. I suppose you could compromise with the honeymoon and go to Sweden. Save Canada for an anniversary. But tbh I would rethink the marriage - your DP sounds too controlling and a bit of a killjoy.

Is it your joint money?

£7k is a lot of money and you absolutely can cut costs. How much are you budgeting for your dress? How many attendants are you having? Are you paying for everything they’ll need?

It needs to be a joint decision, you don’t want to start your married life scrapping about money. Is there something particular he wants to spend on instead? House deposit or something?

You’re being a bit stroppy saying not going over your agreed budget means you can’t be arsed with any of it. Try and compromise.

He’s a fool if hé thinks a honeymoon in Sweden is a cheap option.

The flights might be cheap but you’ll have to spend mega bucks if you want to enjoy yourselves.

Not being unreasonable. Which part of the country are you looking at?

Can you imagine spending that much on any other party? I wonder if you are being overcharged because it's a Wedding (fruitcake £30 wedding cake £100!) and also that you want things you don't need. Posh chairs? Unnecessary table decorations? Etc etc. Try to rethink what you think is essential - at the end of the day the only things you do need are you, him and the vicar (other celebrants are available).

The wedding is one day. Important as it may be I would struggle to justify to myself that I have just spent a HUGE amount of money on one day, so sticking to a budget sounds sensible. Having fun, being happy together, celebrating your relationship. Not for others or posterity, for both of you.
If you can't find common ground to plan the wedding it's not a good start for a life together.

Could you manage to compromise to £6000? 1k more than he wants and 1k less than you want

Well you both agreed to 5k so why not stick to it? It is still a huge amount of money for what is ultimately a legal contract and a party...

Attitudes to money are really important for a marriage. It’s hard to have a traditional white wedding on £5k, but you can have an amazing party/celebration. I’d also ditch the honeymoon and save for the one you want. (And agree Sweden is very expensive!)

So wait until you can afford what you want?

You are having a long engagement period!

Do you want marriage or a wedding?

I like the compromise too. Spend 6k.

If he won’t compromise it will tell you a lot about how your mariage may pan out. As you can afford it, I think he sounds a bit controlling and that’s not a good sign. You’d think he’d want you to be happy on your wedding day and you have compromised a lot.

IMO YABU because of course you can cut stuff. You aren't doing the bare minimum. Loads of people spend less than 5k and they all had perfectly nice weddings

Dsis spent 2k and had a all the normal stuff. Just do a few things yourself.

I am biased because I've only got 5k in my savings currently and am definitely a tight arse but 5k seems a lot to me. I realise people spend a lot more. But 8k is 60%over your initial aim!!

Then again if you can afford it I suppose what does it matter. It is going to be 3k gone in 12 odd hours. Minus the honeymoon (which is a better way to spend the money I do agree). What does he have planned for the money?

We got married on a Thursday back when weddings were Fri, Sat or Sun so it was extra money for photographer, do etc and could negotiate.

We only had a small wedding and half had travelled for the other side of the world so the day didn't matter but I wanted it to be a lovely experience for them too.

We took our honeymoon a year later and saved like mad in that time.

I don't think you're being a bridezilla but I think the cost of weddings is outrageous and I'd never spend 30k on one.

we set the date for next July 2020 as we never wanted a long enegament period. Come on OP. Start from scratch and plan a small party for a few month's time, then get on with your marriage.

A honeymoon is just a holiday. Would you be going to Sweden if it wasn't just a 'cheap option'?

I'd probably choose not to go on honeymoon after getting married and save up for a trip to Canada in a couple of years.

Please tell me how I can cut any more costs! We’re getting married on our parents field, we are having just the closest friends and family and THE cheapest food option I can find anywhere is a hog roast type thing for their food, so no sit down meal. I have no table decs, not having a wedding cake, my mum is buying my dress, we’re having to have toilets hired for the field (£500 and I’ve had a million quotes that’s the cheapest I can find). My brother in law is doing to vows etc to avoid a cost of a registra ( and doing it in the registry office a few days before legally). I’ve got no bridesmades just my daughters as flower girls. I have a £200 flower budget and I’m doing them all myself. I’ve haggled a photographer to do a full day for £350. I’m doing my own bar to try and make some pay back on the drinks. I have no music just my laptop plugged in with a playlist.

And as for the people saying wait till you can afford it - we CAN we have 2 very good incomes and lots of money it’s just my partner won’t budge on the £5k. Yes it’s our joint money.

Get married in Canada, just you both in a small ceremony (and any close family or friends that want to go can pay their own way) and have a big party when you get back?

Registry office over here followed by a big party with a buffet? That way you can still afford your favourite local band and still honeymoon in canada.

I have seen large hotels that offer a full wedding package, service and reception party, that are around 2 or 3k which leaves room for a canadian honeymoon?

And I don’t really appreciate comments like is it the marriage or the wedding, I’m not here saying I want to spend tens of thousands and obviously it’s about the marriage but, as almost all people do, would like a nice simple pretty wedding day that they can spend celebrating with their closest family and friends and look back on. It’s something you only do once, and as cleiche as it sounds a day I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl.

I'm going against the grain here. 7K is a lot of money. But it's not a lot of money for a wedding.

When we got married in 2016 we did a lot of stuff ourself, flowers, decor, invites and even sourced my dream wedding dress second hand. But... It still cost 7k. And we didn't pay a venue fee either.

If you can afford it. And providing you don't go mental spending on stuff that really doesn't matter I.e. Favours, inviting everyone and anyone, tonnes of bridesmaids and over the top hen and stag do....to name a few. It's your wedding. Go for it. Dont go stupid but dont regret either.

Have you though about having a register office for the legal bit . Then have teepee band you like in garden . You can still have ceremony. Get one of friend to be the celebrant. Write your ceremony.

Just dont call a wedding.

Research Canada vs Sweden hotels . Ask for money for honeymoon. And go after wedding when the timing is right .
You need to tell where you are spending the money and we can tell what is waste .

How on Earth is that costing 7 grand?!

I can understand him wanting to stick to your budget on this very first thing you're both sorting out at the start of your life together. Get him to look through everything as well. At the end of the day, a good marriage is often a compromise. Couldn't you have a cheaper trip away and a 'proper' honeymoon later, as pp suggested? It's irrelevant what others paid.

Can you list the costs so we can see if we can help reduce them?