Am I being unreasonable/bridezilla?

[on123]

Hi all just would appreciate a second opinion.

My wonderful partner proposed perfectly with the most perfect ring and we set the date for next July 2020 as we never wanted a long enegament period.

We initially, when we had no idea about the real costs of a wedding said we would only spend £5k as neither of us wanted any debt etc from the wedding.

I have spent hours and hours scrutinising every part of our budget and getting the lowest quotes and prices for every single element. Our list is JUST the essentials there is nothing extravagant on there - the only thing being a videographer which I really want as I would love for our children to be able to watch it back.

After hours and weeks and months of work and doing everything I can I cannot get the budget down below £7k.

I always wanted a tee pee wedding, with my favourite local band and a honey moon to Canada. I’ve put all of those beside me to save the budget and feel like I have sacrificed everything I ever wanted wedding / honey moon wise to try and make this achievable.

The main thing is, we CAN afford to spend up to £8k and we would still have no debt, plenty of other savings etc everything covered and I’ve even put this in spreadsheets and showed it to my partner but he just keeps saying no we said £5k - he is now asking if we can cut anything else out and can I scrap the photographer and videographer and can we have a honeymoon in Sweden because flights are only £60.

I feel totally upset and like I don’t even want to look forward to it anymore or plan. I’ve never wanted to spend a load or be extravagant but I’ve litrally got rid of every dream and still he wants to keep cutting, itl end up being a cheap and horrible wedding that will have just been so much about scrutinising prices instead of enjoying the planning and having a few nice elements.

Am I being a bridezilla??

I know all my sisters and friends spent at least £30k on their weddings alone. I cannot get it any lower than I already have!!

So the fried is costing you £2k. Do it in a village hall. Don’t have bridesmaids/pageboys/flower girls.

I'm.planning my wedding too. Have seen a venue I like and have an idea of how I'd like it to be. Ours will be more than £5k. I find it quite sad all these comments berating you for wanting a nice day! You've already changed it from your ideal and it's still not good enough! I'd be telling your DP to plan it and see how he manages!

OP at the end of the day you can afford it so go for it. Most PP's have said "it's just one day" but it is your wedding day, it is meant to be the best day of your life and if it is not going to get you into debt to spend a bit of extra money then what is the problem. Spend an extra £100 on table decorations as at the end of the day you are paying the photographer to not only take photos of you and DH but of the day itself so if it wont bankrupt you then you might as well make the marquee look nice!

A beautiful dress (Hire is cheaper), a couple of bridesmaids. Smart suits for groom. Venue at a Hotel / large pub. I'm in the midlands and there are several very suitable places - all do wedding packages.
I'd certainly keep the band and the honey moon in Canada, and cut costs on the wedding - can you reduce the amount of people you invite?
Just invite them at the night - when the band kicks in.
Congrats by the way

Other options include
-pushing the wedding back a few months
-cutting expenditure from other parts of your life eg household budget
-selling stuff you no longer use to help finance it.
-get a second job (this is what I did)
-get friends to provide help/services. We have a friend who worked in car rentals who hired one of his works executive cars for transporting me and DF to the church.

And finally

DON'T MENTION THE "W" WORD WHEN BOOKING ANYTHING !!!

If you are not badly off and have savings I'd be inclined to just pay £1k extra each and have the wedding you want. I'm sure planning a wedding is just like building a house and they always go over budget. If our parents have the land for a tee pee why aren't the paying in the traditional way? could they chip in the extra £2k or pay for the honeymoon as your present? My parents were not very well off when I got married but it was a matter of pride that m father paid for it.

To me it sounds like you have done well with the planning so far.

If you can afford it I think you can stretch to the extra 2k, especially as you are using your parent's field to host.

7k sounds ok to me and you are not going crazy.

Congratulations too

Or if you can't afford it ask you parents to help if they have a big enough field to host a wedding they may find 2k not so much of a stretch

What struck me about your post however is that you're doing all the legwork whilst DP says "no, yes, no" as if he's your boss.
Maybe that's because the most important thing to him is the actual marriage ceremony and he can't get excited about spending so much money on things that really don't matter. You set a budget that you both agreed on. If you want all these things then you need to work out how to do it cheaper.

Hi @on123 I'm getting married in June. We are doing marquee in parents field, purely because that was the sort of wedding we wanted. It's definitely cost FAR more than if we had gone to a hotel, venue somewhere. It's all the incidentals like hire of Crockery, toilets, seating etc. BUT as I said that's the wedding we want so fine with it.

If you're happy with family members 'chipping in' with help on the day, you may be able to keep costs down. Personally we don't want mums and dads etc to have to clear rubbish away, get food out, replenish it. So have paid for some helpers.

Good luck!! Marquees are expensive. Your quote is cheap

I have never been to a wedding in a marquee but have been to an evening event in one. Due to the softness of the ground there were massive boards laid down the field to get to the marquee.

It was also July and baking hot still at 7pm, some fans had been placed inside but just succeeded in moving hot air around.

I wouldn't want to use a portaloo at a wedding. Sorry.

Look at local venues rather than the whole on your parent's field.

I got married 20 years ago. We cut it to the bone because we just wanted to get married. I think I have watched my wedding video once or twice. The photos more often.

We prioritised our honeymoon, food and photographs. Food is the thing guests will moan about if not enough/or it's bad, photos are for us to remember the day which is very foggy 20 years on, and the honeymoon was for us

The way to deal with your Dp is to challenge him to come up with his idea of the wedding. You might love it

You're not being a bridezilla at all. If you can afford it, I don't know why he's not budging.
Of course the wedding isn't the most important thing about marriage but you want to at least enjoy yourself.

I had a big extravagant wedding and I hated it as everything seemed to go wrong and I ended up stressed out and not enjoying it.

Sounds like you're doing everything really well but maybe have a sit down with your dp and explain that you are only going to do it once so you want it to be a day that you can look back on fondly.

I hate weddings and I’m normally really scathing about the costs involved because I personally find it all so ridiculous for just one day but, in this case I personally don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think anything under £10k for a decent sized wedding is doing it reasonably these days. Plus it’s joint money. So maybe suggest 5k from him, 5k from you...there’s his 5k. Don’t scrimp so much you hate the day or there’s really no point? We did ours super cheap (because I’m really tight). Friends did photos/video/flowers. Didn’t have a cake etc. Cheap as I could and it still cost over the 5k your fella has said. Surely the 5k was just a rough guide?

I don't know anyone who's ever watched their wedding video after the initial week or so when it arrives.

That's £700 saved.

Lose the £1k for alcohol and there's your honeymoon to Canada.

Toilets are v expensive too. How many are you having?

I'm not in the least bit interested in weddings and often think people go way over the top, but in this case I think YANBU in the slightest. 7k is a modest amount to spend on a wedding, you have done your best to make savings and compromises, and your OH is being a dick about it.

If the wedding is in a field on your parents land how can you justify getting your guests pay for drinks ?
Perhaps it's normal in UK ?
I'm in Ireland and weddings I've gone to guests get free drinks, even in a hotel situation sometimes often for the whole evening.

Personally I'd have a paid bar, you don't need to provide the 300 quid worth of booze on arrival and tables and then a grands worth after.

Just make it a paid bar, there is a grand saved right there.

Beans.....I've never been to a wedding where drinks are paid for. Either there's on free champagne or bucks fizz type thing or it's been bring your own or a paid bar.
I think Irish wedding culture is quite different
Plus your social circle and people's economic position I guess
Its definitely not unusual to pay for your own drinks

One free**

I’m a 2019 summer bride- when we got engaged we were going to elope abroad. Now we’re 5 months pre wedding and spending £23K on a castle and a 3 week honeymoon (no debt involved).

The more research I did and quotes I got - I realised that the ‘reasonable’ wedding is pictured was just completely unpheesable and in reality just shifted most of the cost onto the guests!

We could have saved £7-8k if we’d had it on a weekday, out of season, out of our (very expensive) local area and not included children ... but that tab would have been picked up by guests taking time off work/baby sitters/travel!

Everything about weddings is set up on a scale - you get what you pay for!

Everything about weddings is set up on a scale - you get what you pay for!

No i disagree. Ive been to some very expensive really crap weddings.

I had my best friends do my hair & make up, no bridesmaids just flower girls. My peonies & buttonholes were silk so much cheaper & ive got them on display now. £200 on wedding toot from amazon to decorate tables & chairs/balloons & sparkly stuff. No photographer but a Polaroid Camera & lots of disposable cameras on the tables. My best friends plus one did the video on his phone. Rings bought second hand in a local jewellers. All savings we made went on booze.

But I understand that it’s disappointing and you’re not being a bridezilla at all. I would get him to sit down & go through the costs & see what he would cut. I would rather a nice honeymoon than a make up artist, cake & videographer, but then I wouldn’t budge on nice lighting, lots of booze & plenty of food!

Plus byob if it’s your parents field surely! Just buy enough prosecco for a glass each for a toast, and get everyone to bring a couple of bottles instead of a gift!

Is your partner helping with finding the best quotes and putting in effort to make the day special for you both? What would really annoy me is if i was doing all the research, putting all the effort in and then my partner was passing vague comments about what is and isn't a good deal when he hasn't any idea what he is talking about as he hasn't been involved.