Am I being unreasonable/bridezilla?

[on123]

Hi all just would appreciate a second opinion.

My wonderful partner proposed perfectly with the most perfect ring and we set the date for next July 2020 as we never wanted a long enegament period.

We initially, when we had no idea about the real costs of a wedding said we would only spend £5k as neither of us wanted any debt etc from the wedding.

I have spent hours and hours scrutinising every part of our budget and getting the lowest quotes and prices for every single element. Our list is JUST the essentials there is nothing extravagant on there - the only thing being a videographer which I really want as I would love for our children to be able to watch it back.

After hours and weeks and months of work and doing everything I can I cannot get the budget down below £7k.

I always wanted a tee pee wedding, with my favourite local band and a honey moon to Canada. I’ve put all of those beside me to save the budget and feel like I have sacrificed everything I ever wanted wedding / honey moon wise to try and make this achievable.

The main thing is, we CAN afford to spend up to £8k and we would still have no debt, plenty of other savings etc everything covered and I’ve even put this in spreadsheets and showed it to my partner but he just keeps saying no we said £5k - he is now asking if we can cut anything else out and can I scrap the photographer and videographer and can we have a honeymoon in Sweden because flights are only £60.

I feel totally upset and like I don’t even want to look forward to it anymore or plan. I’ve never wanted to spend a load or be extravagant but I’ve litrally got rid of every dream and still he wants to keep cutting, itl end up being a cheap and horrible wedding that will have just been so much about scrutinising prices instead of enjoying the planning and having a few nice elements.

Am I being a bridezilla??

I know all my sisters and friends spent at least £30k on their weddings alone. I cannot get it any lower than I already have!!

Nice idea about Canada lol but I couldn’t put that financial strain on my family and some really important people to me are too old to travel that far.

I’ve looked at hotels etc and nobody comes back with a budget less than £4K once food and tables etc and the million extras they don’t mention at the start are added - I’m not sure if that’s because it’s quite a wealthy part of the country we are in.

As for the registry and buffet, our house is too small to have anyone back here, so by the time you’ve hired a place, got a bar and tables and chairs ( which are stupidly expensive!) food etc costs are reaching the same bracket

I’ve literally exhausted every option within 30 miles of where we live and none fall under budget!

Are you having a marquee? How many guests?
From your list most of the money must have been going on the Canada trip then?

I'd be more concerned that your future DH refuses to discuss with you... Is he always dismissive?

What is the extra £6k being spent on?

Are you having a marquee? From your list most of the money must have been going on the Canada trip then?

So how does getting married in a field cost 7k?! Mine cost less than half that including a honeymoon to Iceland 9 years ago. Plus I paid for my own dress and some hotel rooms for guests

So where is money
List where the money is so I did read your post before I posted .
Is food that is problematic.
Have thought about hire food Van's they have at festivals. Are they any cheaper . Hiring a b q and doing bring your meat .

Sorry, repeat post by phone. Gremlins

Are you sure having it in your parents field is the cheapest option? I scrapped that idea because the cost of marquee/toilets/hire of furniture and crockery and glassware etc etc far outweighed the cost of hiring somewhere locally. In fact we didn’t pay any venue hire at all as quite a few of our guests stayed at the venue so they didn’t charge us.

*spits tea

30k on a wedding????

There's no way I would spend 30k for other people to have a free piss up and admire a dress...

I'm probably not the best person to answer as I've never really understood this 'wedding fantasy' deal, but I think if you're not going to go into debt by spending a little extra on something that's important to you then why not!

I dont really get how that's costing you 7 grand. How many people are you inviting?

So it hiring the tables and chair that is costing a lot .
Why not buy and sell on . Do this for chair tables glasses plates cutlery
Check out all the selling site or buy new .

Why don't you have the teepee wedding you wanted but no honeymoon straight after? Just save up for that separately afterwards and go 6-9 months later. You might feel like some winter sun in Jan 2021

Op it's sounding a bit joyless

Doing your own bar yo get payback? Crumbs

Once you factor in toilet, table, chair, linen, cutlery/dish, speaker and marquee hire or purchase I can see why it's costing £7k tbh. Those things are not cheap. You could cut the linens but the other stuff is pretty non-negotiable if you're having it in a field. Then you're buying drink in as well, because you've no bar facilities. A basic hotel do would've been cheaper because there's no need to sort those things separately, but it sounds like OP simply didn't want that. I didn't either OP so no shade intended!

I echo that 7K is a lot of money but not for a wedding. I would also be really annoyed with your FH in this situation OP, because it sounds like you've genuinely tried really really hard to keep to a tight budget and he's just come and shit over it without done any of the actual research or work. I can't believe he's seriously discussing cutting the photographer. £350 is a steal and the photos are the only thing you keep from the day!

Sorry, cross posted. Have you looked at village halls? Some are really cheap to hire. our local one is huge and has a full kitchen including crockery and cutlery, a stage, tables and chairs, a bar, good parking and a huge field at the back to spill out onto in Summer. I hired it for the afternoon for £25 last year and it’s the same for an evening so lunchtime until midnight would be £50.

And going in a portaloo in a wedding dress will be no fun! They 're tiny!

would like a nice simple pretty wedding day

But you’re getting married a few days before so that’s your wedding day. Who’s invited to that bit?

What you are talking about is a party

You need quotes for a party and not a wedding - saves about 20%

Pass the planning over to him, let him try to pull it all together for 5k!

My wedding including a sit down meal, church, evening do with hot food and band, a dome bounce thing for the kids, table decorations, my dress, 6 bridesmaid dresses, the suits and flowers, basically everything cost less than that. Back to the drawing board op.

We went to a beautiful restaurant with lovely grounds, free flowing champagne reception, free bar, lovely meal. £5k

42 guests
registry office at 4pm
photographer for photos
Meal that was the whole event so no need for evening do.
Our guests had a ball and said how wonderful it was.
I had one flower on my wrist
My DH had a button hole as did the best man.
One huge table with one floral dec.
friend took a video.

No cars
No disco
No evening do
No bridesmaids
No flowers beyond the table (but the restaurant had plenty).
No cake that nobody eats - we had a drinks trolley instead.

You can have a great time with close friends for £5k - it was £119 per head. Think of it that way.

My bouquet was a fake one from The Range. Only flowers I had. No one knew and it saved me money.
Did my own makeup. YouTube tutorials are amazing for that.
Little bits and pieces like that will save you money. They add up. All of a sudden you've saved 500 quid to a grand. I hope it goes well.

Ah, I did get my hair done, but did my own face!

Can you ask friends for help with your makeup and hair for eg. My family friend did my makeup and my friend did my hair.
I got some stuff from eBay and buy and sell pages.

Oh god Mumsnet Low Cost Wedding Top Trumps