Found my knickers in stepdaughter's drawer

[Skiddaddleeeeo]

So, our stepdaughter rarely puts clothes/undies in the wash. Common teenage habit perhaps. Today I'm at home tidying up and went into her drawers to hunt out dirty clothes. I found three pairs of my own g strings in there, all very visibly worn.
Do I say anything? Tell my partner?
V bizarre I know. I'm also now thinking I probably shouldn't have gone into her drawers in future...!

My dsd is 16 and has worn CK thongs for a couple of years. A lot of them do at that age.

ciderhouserules I was referring to the people froffing over a teenager being boihght thongs, not the people commenting on DSD pinching and rewearong underwear. Clearly the same would apply is it was boxer pants, French knickers or just good old granny pants. I did offer a suggestion to OP Aabout talking to DSD about the knicker knicking and the washing

Yes regardless of the type of underwear taking other people's underwear, wearing it and then wearing it again is an issue

@MissSmiley good point thanks

At 15 she really should be washing her own underclothes. It's not nice for someone else to do it, a matter of self respect. Have a talk with her about that, give her a little bowl and some washing stuff and she can do them in the bathroom at bedtime..

MN is honestly full of batshit crazy advice honestly

Why does she have to wash them in a bowl in the bathroom?! That's one of the weirdest things I've ever read!!!

I have a 15yr old. A boy. Technically he is still a child in the eyes of the law but is visibly like a man.

When he turns 16 in a few weeks he will be legally allowed to have sex ( just as an example ) and it's unfair to compare a 10 year old with a 15yr old.

My neice is 17 and has been wearing this type of underwear for several years, mainly from VS and to her it's totally normal. She also loves "granny knickers" so I don't think it's a case of thong or nothing. Sometimes it's better for an outfit to wear one. Other times it doesn't matter. I don't wear underwear to please anyone but myself.
Dp doesn't wear thongs so why should I if I don't like them?

Also, teenagers are much more grown up at 15 than I ever was. Mostly have immaculate make up/brows/nails, regular beauty treatments etc etc.
I was 15 in 1993 and everyone was very low maintenance in comparison.

If my ds were a girl then I wouldn't like to dictate their choice of underwear. Ds prefers certain style boxers and I buy them as respect his wishes in that respect.

SD does have a laundry basket, but won’t use it.

OP looked in SD’s drawer because she knew that SD had been using said drawer as a laundry basket. She was merely retrieving dirty clothes to wash.

SD should not be helping herself to OP’s underwear or any other clothing.

I would use @MitziK’s words or similar when discussing this with SD.
Then, if SD continues to defy the house rules by taking your clothes and/or refusing to put her dirty clothes in her laundry basket, you and your husband/partner should enact appropriate consequences for her.

OP I've got no interest in what underwear your DSD wears, which is presumably up to her . Underwear is underwear and hyperbolically sexualising it is a slippery slope, i'd have thought recent news re:Underwear and consent tells one all one needs to know about how daft and dangerous creating connotations out of underwear is for women, and why.

Youve done nothing wrong OP ,CK cotton pants are pretty in aren't they, and I remember thongs being cool in the 00s when I was her age, and my mum letting me have a few begrudgingly- I was thrilled for a bit then realised they were uncomfortable And gave up. Still, the point was fitting in.

I also was a washing hider, my DM was a huge prude and thought bodily functions/periods were a bit shameful I think, so I never wanted to put stained underwear in the wash as I was endlessly worried I was dirty or abnormal re: normal discharge etc. Perhaps she is feeling ashamed in this way. Could you try reserving a day/time slot in the washing machine for her so it'll be empty and she can just wash her own? She's 15 anyway so it's about time. "Hi dsd time to start doing your own washing, machines yours on Friday after school, let me know if you need any help" etc...

I'd also do her a kindness and buy her a couple of cheap packs of whatever she borrowed, she must always be running short and worrying if she knows she's hiding the used ones in her drawers.
Then I think if the above didn't work I would have to prompt her by saying I'd rather she didn't borrow my underwear again. At the end of the day it's unhygeinic to be doing what she's doing and there must be some reason so it's best to deal with it! for you both

Blimey - I'm losing massive amounts of parent points here - my almost 16 DD occasionally wears thongs, bought from VS/Pink and doesn't do her own laundry... am off to sign up for parenting classes.

OP - do you think its laziness (as in she's run out of knickers and took yours)? If you don't want to confront head on could you do an airy "I must be losing the plot as I can't find some of my clothes (don't need to specify knickers)" and see if that nudges her?

I think people saying that we should all have a choice in what underwear we wear are missing the point spectacularly. Yes of course we should (and we do, I imagine). But the whole reason thongs exist in the first place is because they are catering to a sexualised ideal of women to appeal to men. That's why I don't like them (and because they are uncomfortable as fuck).

I have a teenage sister and I am hugely uncomfortable with how sexualised teenage girls are becoming in this day and age. It's not about me being an old prude.

I do think there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for a neurotypical 15 year old to not be doing their own laundry however.

@Buggerbuggerbuggerargh the same rule applies to high heeled shoes and we all do or have worn them?

I was a (really) lazy teenager. I stole my mum's clothes all the time. I couldn't be arsed to buy or shoplift my own. Probably stole her underwear at some point. I was also dirty. So if my room was messy I just put all the dirty stuff in a drawer until a later date when I could be arsed to do some washing. I grew out of it.

Is DSD a bit lazy? That makes the most sense to me. Maybe just projection.

Pretty sure most girls my age in school were wearing "nice" French style pants and gstrings/thongs as teenagers. Most were losing their virginity 13-16 years and I was able to buy booze at 14- wearing small pants has gotta be low on the list of concerns. I have always found thongs more comfortable and have never had thrush. Think I had cystitis once.

If she is a bit lazy, then I think tackle that more generally. You don't really need to draw attention to the underwear thing. She will probably be mortified if you do. Get her her own washing basket. If she doesn't seem to use it, explain you would rather not but will be left with no choice but to go through all her stuff if none of her clothes are appearing to be washing. And when I was "you", I mean you or DP. Or both. She would probably rather pull her finger out and sort her washing than have you rooting through her stuff.

yes it does skid, I agree.

I don't wear heels either, for the same reason. That and I can't walk in the bloody things!

I am not saying oh if you do this or that you're a bad feminist, I do lots of things which I don't think are particularly feminist choices (like wearing make up for instance). But I acknowledge that if we didn't live in the kind of society we live in, those "choices" wouldn't really be something I would thinking about because they wouldn't exist.

Anyway, sorry for derailing. As you were.

I think the only thing you can do OP is to ditch your thongs and buy some big comfy knickers. She won't nick them!

@viques hahahahaha
@Buggerbuggerbuggerargh totally get your point

@dontgobaconmyheart great points and ideas thanks

*Skiddaddleeeeo

I don't feel it's ok to be discussing your 15 year old SD's 'visibly used' underwear. Tell her you've put this on a public forum, I'm pretty sure she won't be happy. Respect her right to privacy and deal with it without telling people.

But yeah, I'm the odd one....if I am, then I'm glad to be.

Buy her a laundry basket and show her how to use the washing machine.

@Perfectly1mperfect I chose MN to post this, a forum for parents which hosts a whole range of topics much more "offensive" than a few pairs of dirty knickers. If what you say is the case then every single OP on here is betraying someone close's trust. This was in no way posted to demonise my step daughter, it was to seek advice on how best to handle a situation that, as you can see from the other posters, I'm not alone in facing.
Portray it as you may, you're entitled to your opinion, you've made it, to flout someone as a troll without substance is unfair. How about offering a suggestion or saying nothing? I don't have any advice to give to the women who posted about anal bleaching, squirting, threesomes or some mental health issues. I read some with interest, some made me squirm, but I chose to read and move on, rather than try to embarrass the OP

Hi Op. I wonder if she’s embarrassed?
I remember starting my period and not knowing what to do so hiding dirty knickers in my cupboard( sounds awful now I look back on it?!) But I remember being really embarrassed about my body.

But perhaps you could designate a week day for her washing and get her to bring down her stuff separately and show her how to use the machine etc so you know her stuff is getting washed?

Just seen dontgobacon has suggested a similar thing...

My DSS did this when living with my partner and I; he was forever pinching my socks and underwear which I found really odd (understatement of the year).

I’d never have worn my Dad’s pants, let alone “borrow” pairs from an unrelated bloke. I’d honestly have preferred going commando.

And he didn’t put them in the wash either, and wore pairs of socks repeatedly until they were literally stiff as a board. Pure laziness on his part. Rant over, lol, but I’m damn glad those days are over!

Think I'm gonna give Friday wash day a go