Who has worked in escorting?

[Ely7891]

I’m a single mum with little support system, I can barely afford to keep the roof over our heads. I’m seriously considering escorting, a high end agency want to meet with me to discuss it further. It’s run by a young female, their booking procedure for new clients is rigorous and these guys are paying hundreds.. so far it seems as safe a way to do this. Until then I want to hear from women who have done this. Not interested in hearing judgement; I’ve scraped by for 4 years, I’ve worked hard, I’ve taken further training, I’ve moved houses, I’ve sold my possessions, I’ve watched my kids have just a card for Christmas. I can NOT get ahead of myself and now I’m in debt. I want to take charge back of my life and if this is the way to go, so be it. So please if any ladies out there who have experience, I’d be very grateful for your insight. Thank you x

I have a friend who escorts and she has never been expected to do bareback. Although bareback sex is on the rise you can make it clear on the work profiles (if you work independently that is) that this is not on offer.

Then the punters can choose which escorts they see.

It is more lucrative to be an independent escort than work for an agency. However it may be a good way to suss out how you feel about working in the adult industry.

Finding a venue may be an issue as an independent escort. It is better to work in hotels than in your home as you have children.

She has not found her mental health is affected one jot by sexwork and is confident attractive and intelligent. Her boundaries are clear and my friend has never been raped assaulted or made to feel unsafe. This is because working as an independent escort she carefully screens the clients. If they sound dodgy or difficult or a boundary pusher then she refuses to meet them. Working for an agency you won't get that luxury. However it may be a good way in as an initial trial.

Getting sexual health checks is essential but that said 90 per cent of sexworkers use condoms and practise safe sex. They are cleaner sexual health wise than many a non sex working female. My friend has a full check every six months and has never caught anything.

See, what I think is victim-blaming is your false posturing as being somehow too smart to be raped.

You are both wrong and ridiculously offensive. You have been trying to twist my words to fit into your own inaccurate view, and now you are just making things up. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised though, since your entire argument is based on assumptions and judgement.

It's okay, I'll do what no punter in the history of the internet has ever thought of and make a fake account as a newbie hooker looking to get into the biz to learn how to stop men from raping me. And I will take that knowledge and use it to end all rape.

Great idea! You could perhaps start with reading the advice and tips from others on here and take it from there. It would be great if you could then report back on what you’ve learnt and so help others. I guess you’d have to actually have real experience of sex work though (like others on here) in order to do so realistically.

In Britain, America and Sweden prostitutes are not allowed to work together for safety. If they try to, they get arrested and prosecuted for pimping offences. I don't think it is right that people who oppose a change in the law so that women can work together without getting arrested - as has happened in New Zealand - can cry crocodile tears when women get raped and murdered.

In New Zealand there are SOOBs - small owner operated brothels - where women can work together for safety, keep all the profits for themselves and make their own rules.

Sex workers tend to be independent and so often don't use SOOBs, but at least they have that choice. It's safer than escorting or walking the streets. There is no reason that sex work has to be more dangerous than any other kind of work. Women are forced economically to do many kinds of work, some potentially dangerous, but it is only sex work where women are not allowed to make themselves safe.

The safety protocols come up regularly on open sex forums. The hard of thinking push the issue. Those with experience either side shut them down and tell them to engage their brains. Rightfully so.

There are lots and lots of information around about how to protect ourselves. It's then up to us to use this info in ways that suit us and our requirements. The info doesn't give specific info but ideas.

I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who posted specifics of their safety checks. Even John's in their FB have more sense and don't post specifics, and the few dickheads that do are pulled up by others and info edited.

Those of us who are sensible regularly make minor adjustments to checks so those fuckers we have previously blocked cannot get past us (yes we block numbers but some are fuckers and change their numbers).

Look at the fantastical puffing up over how you would hypothetically jump on a man and pull him off a sex working sister if he was harming her. Just because you've never come to the real-time aid of a woman being attacked by a john doesn't mean Ancient Geisha Secret isn't totally the reason why prostitutes are the most raped women in the world.

Why isn't Ancient Geisha Secret preventing prostitutes from being raped and murdered in brothels where women live merrily like protective sisters sharing professional tips about men who genuinely fear the wrath of other prostituted on the premises should they step out of line?

"Sex workers tend to be independent"

And sassy, don't forget how sassy prostitutes tend to be. Prostitution isn't economic coercion, it's for sassy, independent, polyamorous exhibitionist nymphomaniacs whose personalities are essentially tailored to it.

"The info doesn't give specific info but ideas."

Like this bit of rape prevention genius?:

saafe.info/safety-and-health/keeping-yourself-safe/

"If somebody calls you in the morning and wants to make a booking towards the end of the day, and asks you how busy you've been, be wary. This is what happened to a colleague of mine and I think her quick thinking saved her. Tell anybody who asks that you've had a quiet day, and that he'd be either the second or only customer of the day. He probably wouldn't consider you as much of a target and not turn up."

Gotta watch out for those men who call in the morning and want a booking later in the day while inquiring about the the prostitute's workload, that's got trouble written all over it.

There is no reason that sex work has to be more dangerous than any other kind of work.

Can you really not see that it would be more dangerous?

Of course women are vulnerable to rape everywhere, but the chances are greatly increased when you are making sex a transaction, and being naked with a man who has questionable beliefs about women by the very fact they are there in the first place.

Also the fact that if you didn't want it, they feel entitled to your body, they've paid their money and made the effort to be there, they won't take it kindly if a woman then says that she doesn't want to do certain things.

The very men who use women in this way are those who feel entitled to use a woman's body in such a way.

STIs aren't covered completely by using condoms. What about herpes and genital warts? Some of these can cause cervical cancer. Sleeping with lots of men make a you likely to contract these diseases.

I don't think my screening is bulletproof, but I have never been raped by a client and have had very few problems. My screening isn't really something that can be written out as a list of instructions. It mostly comes down to going with my gut feeling. I also have some exacting requirements in terms of how they communicate and they have to jump through some hoops to get a booking. Basically, I think of how the best clients communicate and then I screen out everyone who fails to behave in the same way. Boundary pushers don't like to follow instructions. One specific thing I will divulge, because I don't think it can be faked: I listen for warmth and humour on the phone. People burdened by guilt, resentment and anger can't laugh naturally. Someone who chuckles at my jokes will be the sort of person who will enjoy my personality. The times I've had a bad booking, I have ignored my gut feeling. They didn't say or do anything wrong, but I didn't get any warm fuzzies from them. I am extremely picky and I am sure that I leave a lot of money on the table because I screen so strictly.

Sillage, you are talking so much crap that it's now silage (farming joke)

Please don't break your neck getting down off your high horse, and BTW how many hookers looking to leave the business have you personally helped out this year?

Also the fact that if you didn't want it, they feel entitled to your body, they've paid their money and made the effort to be there, they won't take it kindly if a woman then says that she doesn't want to do certain things.

The very men who use women in this way are those who feel entitled to use a woman's body in such a way.

You are making the assumption that you know the motivations and reasons of men who pay for sex. While obviously sex workers can't read minds either, we have the experience of knowing what clients are like in bookings, and how most men react when they are refused, and you are wrong.

What is so wrong with the experience and opinion of a prostitute that you will automatically dismiss it? Why do people with no experience of the industry think they know better than us?

Sillage, you are talking so much crap that it's now silage (farming joke)

I knew there was a good joke in there somewhere

Silage indeed!

I'm not sure what's supposed to be insulting about being densely nutritious food for animals. If you have seen the way the men talk about prostitutes on Punternet you would know you really have to up your insult game by significant degrees to even begin to compete with punters in creatively insulting the women they hate.

bethy15 is correct, which is why you've chosen to ignore her, "The very men who use women in this way are those who feel entitled to use a woman's body in such a way."

Better to ignore her and weakly try to insult me than to try to square the circle of how it's the men who most agree with you on prostitution who most harm prostitutes. I understand why you're afraid of such men, and I understand why you need to tell yourself you're not.

I'm not sure what's supposed to be insulting about being densely nutritious food for animals.

That is because your knowledge of it is theoretical, so you do not understand the nuances. Learning the dictionary definition (or from Wikipedia) is no substitute for real life experience.

bethy15 is correct, which is why you've chosen to ignore her, "The very men who use women in this way are those who feel entitled to use a woman's body in such a way."

I didn't ignore her, in fact I addressed that point directly.

it's the men who most agree with you on prostitution who most harm prostitutes

That is untrue, and I think you have just made it up to illustrate your point.

I understand why you're afraid of such men, and I understand why you need to tell yourself you're not.

I am as afraid of dangerous men as the next woman, and I have no reason to pretend that I am not. This is exactly why us prossies screen our clients.

Fortunately most clients are not dangerous, they are normal men.

I will ask once again - What is so wrong with the experience and opinion of a sex worker that you immediately dismiss it? Why do you think your uninformed opinion is worth more than our experience?

The one thing I have learnt from this thread is that he screening etc is a bit of a myth.

My opinions are based on my own experiences and on what the men who use prostitutes say about their motivations, yet you insist there's no way anyone but you can know what men who pay for sex think about prostitutes based on either men's multitude of written words or the pile of battered, diseased, pregnant, and lifeless bodies those men's actions create.

You're waffling back and forth between saying prostitution isn't much different from other jobs and prostitution clients are normal men, then flipping to prostitution's unique nature only being truly known solely by prostitutes and the constant need to do super duper secret anti-rape screenings on men who pay women for sexual submission.

Anti-prostitution people on this thread keep pointing to prostitute-using men's words and millions of harmed women, you keep pointing to yourself.

The one thing I have learnt from this thread is that he screening etc is a bit of a myth.

If you want to learn about sex work, Mumsnet is not the place. I'm not quite sure what the 'etc' is, but screening is not a myth.

If you want to learn about sex work, Mumsnet is not the place.

Why would that be?

yet you insist there's no way anyone but you can know what men who pay for sex think about prostitutes

No, I don't, and I have said so on this thread. None of us are mind readers, but some of us know what we are talking about.

You're waffling back and forth between saying prostitution isn't much different from other jobs and prostitution clients are normal men, then flipping to prostitution's unique nature only being truly known solely by prostitutes and the constant need to do super duper secret anti-rape screenings on men who pay women for sexual submission.

While I do believe that sex work is work, I have never said "prostitution isn't much different from other jobs". There is no 'flip' between saying we deserve respect, and saying a prostitutes opinion on prostitution is more accurate and informed than someone who has not been involved in the industry.

Anti-prostitution people on this thread keep pointing to prostitute-using men's words and millions of harmed women, you keep pointing to yourself.

Sex workers in this thread have pointed out that the cherry picked words you have pointed to are from a minority of men, and we have also pointed out that full decriminalisation is the best way to make all sex workers safe.

I'm not quite sure where your vitriol is coming from. If you do not like or agree with prostitution, fine! But that does not mean everyone else has to agree with you, and it does not mean you can state your opinion as a fact.

Why would that be?

Because, as far as I'm aware, the majority of people here are not sex workers.

It doesn't take 'the majority of people' being experts, though. Neither in school nor at university nor in online forums. So 'because the majority of people here are not sex workers' is not a convincing argument.

I am not able to offer any personal experiences on this question; however it occurs to me that social services may take dim of such a change of occupation

Bookfour, what business would it be of Social Services and how would they know anyway? If I knew someone was a sex worker I'd mind my own business. However I doubt SS could do anything about it even if they did 'take dim'.

Social worker here
Sex working isn't a child protection concern in an of itself
There are however a lot of risks associated with prostitution that could cause harm to children.

Thanks NotaNotMan, that was what I was trying to get at