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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Who has worked in escorting?

427 replies

Ely7891 · 16/01/2019 12:52

I’m a single mum with little support system, I can barely afford to keep the roof over our heads. I’m seriously considering escorting, a high end agency want to meet with me to discuss it further. It’s run by a young female, their booking procedure for new clients is rigorous and these guys are paying hundreds.. so far it seems as safe a way to do this. Until then I want to hear from women who have done this. Not interested in hearing judgement; I’ve scraped by for 4 years, I’ve worked hard, I’ve taken further training, I’ve moved houses, I’ve sold my possessions, I’ve watched my kids have just a card for Christmas. I can NOT get ahead of myself and now I’m in debt. I want to take charge back of my life and if this is the way to go, so be it. So please if any ladies out there who have experience, I’d be very grateful for your insight. Thank you x

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 18/01/2019 23:59

Ohhhhhhhhhh!!

@Fiddie Grin

Missingstreetlife · 19/01/2019 00:11

My friend did this for a while until she was locked in a room and raped repeatedly at knifepoint. Now she's got ptsd and other issues. Nasty

mystar · 19/01/2019 00:18

I can’t imagine that anyone wakes up one morning and thinks sleeping with strangers will be their easiest way of making money but If they do then by first reaction would to be ensure it was safe.

I’ve not read all pages as it all seemed a bit judgemental. Apologies if I’m speaking out of turn.

OP. Make sure you are safe and totally happy with your decision. Research it and be prepared for how you feel after. Be safe and get regular checks.

It’s not something I would do but I’ve never been in your predicament as I’m lucky. I can see why you think it’s an easy option. Just be safe

Closetbeanmuncher · 19/01/2019 00:34

The UK government needs to take a long hard look at the poverty line....Social outreach programme and reality check are desperately needed.

Brandnewshit · 19/01/2019 00:44

Compost, she doesn't get in the shower to help you lovingly lather your back, she supervises you washing your bits properly.

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 06:41

@compost you said you were too shy to get a girlfriend uothread

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 06:45

actually i know exactly what it says about me, i"m a sad man who is not confident chatting to women so i am happy to pay for sex, i am what i am

compostcorner · 19/01/2019 08:22

to answer a few of those questions, i am not married, i do not go to escorts when i am in a relationship, at the moment i am single, the above quote was supposed to mean what i think you lot think it says about me, i am definately not sad, and i am not happy paying for sex, i would much rather have a loving partner

VietnameseCrispyFish · 19/01/2019 08:26

Yeah, the women you see aren’t showering with you because they enjoy it compost, they’re doing it cos they have reason to believe if they don’t get in there and take charge of cleaning you you’ll emerge oblivious with a stinky dick and arsehole and still expect them to service you.

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 08:34

meeting an escort for sex is no different from going out to have a one night stand

This is a quote from you upthread. It's very telling. Paying a woman may be no different from a one night stand for you but there is no recognition that in transactional sex there is no reciprocal pleasure. A woman having a one night stand is a) choosing her partner based on attraction and b)expects and deserves reciprocal attention to her pleasure. When she's being paid the whole dynamic is different.
If you genuinely believe that sex is transactional for women and focused on male enjoyment whether she's being paid or not then you will be incapable of having a genuine relationship with a woman because you don't genuinely believe women are equal to men.

Riotingbananas · 19/01/2019 09:09

According to other threads compost, you've been married for at least 10 years....

Oh and what a NotANotMan said. Paying for sex inherently devalues one person.

lemonface · 19/01/2019 09:17

*Compost
*
, i do it because its the only way i can get sex, but i"m also quite happy just to have a naked cuddle,

You said it was the only way you could get sex.

deepwatersolo · 19/01/2019 09:26

The UK government needs to take a long hard look at the poverty line....Social outreach programme and reality check are desperately needed.

Absolutely. The circumstances OP describes have nothing to do with 'free choice'. Universal Credit has made it worse, I have heard. It feels like going backwards in time and it is just not acceptable.

Neoliberalism is dead set on crushing all social security, privatizing everything and forcing the people to commodify everything to survive as a result, including women's bodies. In some places in Europe they now have flat rate brothels, basically an 'all you can eat' for 99 EUR for sex. Nobody can tell me a woman would want to do sex work under those conditions.

This madness needs to end, so that nobody is forced into this and women who genuinely choose this can set solid prices that allow them short working hours and early retirement and can vet and reject customers and set boundaries, without fear for risking their existence if they do.

deepwatersolo · 19/01/2019 09:34

When she's being paid the whole dynamic is different.

Good point, NotaNotMan. I believe that women who enter into this with the 'just like a one night stand, except I get paid for it' argument in their head, are naive.

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 09:39

Yep.
I know that when I'm having sex whether it's casual or not, my partner's enjoyment is only 50% of my priority. I expect my partner to consider my comfort, read my non verbal cues and not to be offended if something isn't working for me and I stop it.
None of that is possible for prostitutes. The pretence is what the john is buying but it's all fake.
I do think most men who use prostitutes either don't think that women enjoy or need to enjoy sex, or they assume their little penis is special enough to create multiple orgasms from a bit of poking around.

Lots of women don't seem to enjoy sex either. I've read many times that they could be 'giving it away for free' through hook ups so why not get paid. I seriously question what kind of sexual encounters they are having if they view it as a commodity they are not being paid for!

KaleidoscopeEyes · 19/01/2019 10:29

Compost, I know you're loving it, but this thread isn't about you.

wantmorenow · 19/01/2019 10:56

Frosty66611

Thanks. Food for thought.

themachinestops · 19/01/2019 11:23

The thing is..

The social security net in this country is being steadily dismantled. What are these people (especially low earning single mothers) supposed to DO??

The government was recently defeated in the high court over issues which frequently occur when a single mother tries to enter the workforce. Lord Justice Singh and Mr Justice Lewis stated that universal credit's interpretation of the rules had caused -

"severe cash flow problems"
"nonsensical situations"
"odd in the extreme"

Child Poverty Action Group who with a lawyers firm, brought the cases to court, said -

"Our clients have been doing everything they can to support themselves and their young children through work but the rigid assessment system in universal credit has caused them UNTOLD HARDSHIP, STRESS, AND MISERY WITH THEM BEING FORCED REPEATEDLY TO MANAGE ON HALF OF THEIR TOTAL MONTHLY INCOME DESPITE THEIR FIXED OUTGOINGS REMAINING THE SAME.."

The full article can be found here -

www.cpag.org.uk/content/high-court-finds-dwp-unlawful-universal-credit-assessments

and also on bbc news as well.

I think what well-meaning people commenting about taking in ironing, or going to CAB, are not realising, is that there are major flaws in our welfare system which many people fall through. The above is only one issue of many with the UC system.

OP if you are still around, I want to say I completely understand why you are looking at going down this route to try lift you and your children out of poverty. It's soul-destroying struggling all the time, choosing between heating and food etc, I have been there when in absolutely desperate dire straits, working but still unable to even pay the basic bills some months.

The reality of the sex industry is somewhere in the middle of what people think it is. I would say that overall despite the decent money earned it is unpleasant, potentially dangerous and demoralising. It has left scars on me. But then so is living in poverty.. and I think this is the real issue. When you have women who are struggling so much financially that prostitution is the only thing standing between them and eviction or their children getting a winter coat etc.

For me it was a hobson's choice indeed. Pushed into a corner by the so called 'welfare state' , even whilst working nearly full time on minimum wage. The CPAG said that the system is "leaving them falling into debt and, for some, having to choose between paying their rent or paying their childcare costs".

It is not glamourous. Not at all. It's booking the hotel, weeding through loads of timewasters and horrible calls, spending time trying to screen, the awful nervousness in the pit of your stomach each and every time you are about to open the door to a client (main feelings he could be violent or someone i know), stashing the money, hoping he is ok and decent and not out to disrespect or push you, massaging the ego, and then when it's over the relief after he's gone you shut the door and you safely have the money. Then rinse and repeat. The worst part isn't even the sex as most people would think it is - for me it was the fear about safety each and every time. Most aren't difficult, but the one's who are cause ptsd, and constantly being 'scrutinized' physically is demoralising.
The fact is that I as a rational adult woman, thought about it and deemed this sex work to be less demoralising than the equal nervousness of having to call my landlord and explain that because universal credit top up had not been paid properly yet again and also over £200 had been taken at source without my consent for old debts , I'd be short on this month's rent, and spiralling into more and more debt, as the OP has related.

I don't think the OP would even be considering persuing this avenue of work if she had a basic level of financial security, if work paid for the low earning with high cost of living in this country, and I think that is what we need to be looking at.

bethy15 · 19/01/2019 11:23

Maybe Compost should start a thread detailing how he gets his end away and pays for it and ask what's wrong with him in that thread?

SandyY2K · 19/01/2019 11:30

KaleidoscopeEyes

Indeed...the thread is about the OP who has long gone... so what's the issue with Compost being on here and sharing his experience with escorts/prostitutes.

Wordthe · 19/01/2019 11:35

@Themachinestops
that was a great post 🏆

compostcorner60 · 19/01/2019 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

theworldistoosmall · 19/01/2019 12:45

Why I am I naive because rather than one night stands, which I've had some bad fucks, I prefer to get paid. It also may surprise you to know that the majority of Johns I see do care about my pleasure. They do ask what I prefer. They do listen if not hitting the spot when giving me oral. But of course like one night stands, there are ones that are in it for their own pleasure.

Many females are in relationships with guys who don't care about their partners' satisfaction. There are guys who don't wash for their partners and go to bed humming. Yet we are the ones with no self-respect, used, naive etc.

Again I would like to reiterate. I do this because I enjoy it. I know this is hard for some to comprehend. I wasn't forced into it because of finances. I went into it with my eyes fully open. I know prostitutes male and female who are good friends of mine and have been for decades (friends not prostitutes). They have never, ever glamorised the work and of course, I have seen the nastier side through them, albeit very rare. I am not denying that some people are not forced into it, that would be naive on anyone's part. But we are not all the same.

The FB site that was posted yes it shocking. This is a small proportion of guys who use prostitutes. Some of them I have checked on the original site, and despite the language used on the one linked some go on to mention that they think the escort is pimped, shouldn't be doing it, have empathy etc. Just, of course, the nicer points aren't as alarming and doesn't meet with the agenda of people who pay for sex are nasty and all the hookers are forced.

Yes, some of the terms used are seen as derogatory. But like the use of working girls (wg's) these are words that hookers use to describe themselves. Like a whore, which is the dictionary word of a prostitute, some prefer that instead of wg. Some courtesan, escort, hooker, service provider etc.

As for comments with regards to the job centre. These actually make me laugh. I remember claiming, and sitting there at one point and being asked what I would like to do. All job searches, cv building etc revolved around what I would like to do. At no point did anyone say right World, there's a couple of positions at the local strip joint, apply or accept sanctions. The work you look for and are matched to is based on your skills etc. You aren't randomly matched to stuff otherwise I would have been sent on worthless interviews outside my experience, skills and qualifications. Although I am sure some guys would love to be job matched to escorting lol.

Wordthe · 19/01/2019 12:46

Thank you for your stream of consciousness Compo, off you pop skiing

Wordthe · 19/01/2019 12:49

@Theworldis, you say you enjoy it but if there was another job that offered you the same money for the same amount of hours invested and that other job was an office job which would you choose?

sex work or office work if they both paid the same for the same time invested?

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