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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel about this? A bit on the long side....

218 replies

Yorkiegirl · 03/09/2004 19:22

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Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 20/04/2005 21:41

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TracyK · 20/04/2005 21:47

Is it worth seeing a counsellor? there are obviously undrecurrents of resentment/annoyances that may be more easily spoken about with an intermediary??

CarrieG · 20/04/2005 21:47

YG, only just seen all this - sorry you're having all this stress to deal with!

Not got any constructive advice, but it'd be lovely to see you if you fancy that beer in Hudds next week!

maturer · 20/04/2005 21:52

YG, so glad you've been able to at least start talking about this.
Trust is such an essential part of any relationship and when broken or percieved to be broken it takes a lot of work to get it back. When my dh finally "came to his senses" and cut off all contact with the person he'd had an affair with she then spent the next few months trying to make contact with him ( sometimes even trying to trick him into responding to her)by that point however we were working on it together; and although there are still days when I question " is he still in contact with her?" in my heart of hearts I know he's not and that the trust is slowly comimng back. I feel that was possible when we both were talking openly and dealing with the issue together. It takes time....you will have moments of doubt... you have to take a leap of faith to start trusting again but time does help you do it. Keep talking, take care.

tortoiseshell · 20/04/2005 22:48

YG - we have had similar arguments about the house being tidy - can you instigate a 'tidy up time' every so often - ds' playgroup have one, and it works at home too. Might help to ease the tension a bit. I know how the toys can get out of control - our living room is a disaster area at the moment, but at least if dd does it, it doesn't feel like you're the one always to be clearing up.

Glad things are a bit better though.

MarsLady · 20/04/2005 22:52

a for you Yorkie. I've been praying for you.

bubbly1973 · 21/04/2005 01:00

yg im so glad you have talked a lot

god i feel awful putting the cat amongst the pidgeons but i need to say this even if you think im a cow for spoiling things hwen you feel better

but

he hasnt actually told you how she got his number or has he?
i cant help but feel like he is steering the whole thing away from him and making it out that its about the toys...im so sorry, but it needs to be said if im out of line im truly sorry

dot1 · 21/04/2005 08:41

Hi YG - just found this thread and so sorry things have been so horrendous for you.

Really difficult - in a way your dh reminds me of me..! In that this is just the sort of tangle I'd be likely to get myself into - not being able to shake off an ex and not wanting to upset them by being rude and just saying f* off...and I know I'd be likely to hide it from dp so as not to upset her - but it wouldn't mean anything was going on at all. But I'd hate to think it would in any way jeopardise what I had with dp (being stupid and all...)

The toys thing is really difficult - I work full-time and often come home to the house looking like a toy bombsite and sometimes it irritates me, but then it only takes a second to remember and realise just how bloody hard it is entertaining 2 kids all day... Our ds1 is 3.5 and there's no way he'd tidy up as he went along - and now with ds2 creating chaos it's impossible anyway. Does your dh have the kids on his own at all? I must admit I rarely do, but when I do it's a good reminder... Maybe it's time to treat yourself to a half day shopping on your own, or day out with a friend - tell your dh you need a bit of time on your own and leave him to it for a bit??

Anyway, good luck and I really hope you get through this sticky patch.

roisin · 21/04/2005 08:50

Hi! I'm really pleased you've had a good, long talk: I hope it helps.

Fennel · 21/04/2005 09:23

hi yorkiegirl

glad to hear you are talking

toy bombsites very irritating but that's life with small children unfortunately (for those of us who aren't naturally obsessively tidy)

brinkley · 21/04/2005 14:10

yorkie - glad things seemed to have calmed down
hope he behaves himself a bit better from now on

Marina · 21/04/2005 14:12

Glad to hear you are managing to talk to each other, wish he would do more to appreciate you though

Bugsy2 · 21/04/2005 15:17

Yorkiegirl, so glad you were able to talk things through with him. Just a small point, it is all very well for someone to say that they love you, but actions count for alot more.
He has made a constructive comment about how he would like the home situation to improve - i.e. a tidy house when he gets home. Did you find something constructive for him to do for you?
Very good luck to you with this situation.

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 21/04/2005 18:12

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brinkley · 21/04/2005 20:08

sounds promising - hope he keeps it up yorkie

GeorginaA · 01/05/2005 14:12

Yorkie - was thinking of you earlier today. How's it all going?

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 01/05/2005 14:22

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GeorginaA · 01/05/2005 14:35

Good - I'm glad things are going much better and that chat seems to have helped longer term

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